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Parent’s Fear: Raising a Child In America Part 1

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Everyday fears start to form the moment of known conception for any parent, especially mothers’.  Women are known for having their minds wonder to dark and scary places of the world. For some people dangers of the world are always outside and in public places until they realize it can also be at home.  No one wants to think that any harm can come to their children when they are there monitoring them and watching for noticeable dangers.  But what about those that are unseen?

For instance, it’s a good day to go to the amusement park in your area.  It’s a good way to relax and get some of that childhood thrill in with your kids.  So you’re there having fun, playing games, riding on rides, and all of suddenly blink.  The day is over and it’s time to head home.  No threats, no worries, just pure fun with family.  But what if we rewind the day and go back to when you were reaching to get a snack for your 8-year-old and turned around and all of suddenly blink.  Their gone, and you look slowly back and forth for a half of second, nothing.  Now panic starts building up as you call their name and no answer.  Even more panic and now frantic because there is no answer just people walking by looking past you and unnoticed to your concern.  You frantically scan each passing face near and far, no , no, no.  With each no to your child’s face you go into a full-fledged panic attack and now it’s a horror show.

You scream, only now has others started paying attention and coming to your aid.  The local security and police are there to help you, as well as concerned citizens.  As you describe what your child is wearing, your brain does something miraculous.  It starts to remember things that you were unaware of or thought it was of no significance.  Who was around and what they too were wearing, if there were any strangers that rubbed you the wrong way, the last time you actually had contact with your child and what they were doing.  Your heart is beating so fast and pumping so much blood to your brain and making your adrenaline rush to the point now you’re in full fledge predator and protective mode.  But the nightmare has already begun to sink in.  Instead of a pleasant day at the amusement park it has now turned into an amusement nightmare.  The impure thoughts of what is happening to your child, and how they feel, can send anyone into a complete breakdown and shock.

The impure thoughts of what is happening to your child, and how they feel, can send anyone into a complete breakdown and shock.  You’ve seen the news on tv and have heard the horror stories of child victims on social media and TV.  Every possible heinous act that you can think about comes into mind.  These thoughts make the tears just uncontrollable and the blame game sets in.  You start thinking about ways or things that you would’ve done differently that would have prevented this from happening to you.  You even blame yourself for judging other parents that have been through similar situations and mock them on how they didn’t watch their children closely enough.  But you have to remember, fear and what ifs will not bring your child home.  According to Child Watch of North America, An estimated 800,000 children are reported missing each year – more than 2,000 children every day.  An estimated 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before age 18. Yet, only 1 in 3 will tell anyone.

It is dangerous and scary to raise a child in America or even the world today.  But one must keep going forward.  No one is recommending that your child stays locked up until your death.  Everyone knows that children will have to learn to be independent and capable of taking care of themselves.  Are their ways to help prevent such horrible fates for yourself and your children?  Of course, there are plenty of technology out there that can help you monitor your children when they are not around.  Not to mention the damsel kits that can be used when your child is too far from you, https://damselindefense.net/ .  At the rate of America, you would think to just lock your children in the house and never let them out because you never know who will harm your child.  Will it be the trusted daycare associate, the family man neighbor, the coach, the priest at your church, the child you constantly gets bullied at school, or the genocide maniac gun owner at a concert.

The truth is you never know and you must keep watch and teach children how to cope and deal with the dangers of the world.  No one wants to be scared to leave their house everyday.  People should be able to go out and enjoy life while being cautious and aware of their surroundings.  Being prepared, is better than thinking it can never happen to me, because as the saying goes, “you never say never.”  Remember the moment your children can understand certain things it is better to start talking to them about the dangers of the world.  Please do not allow the world to raise and teach your children everything.  Yes, the world is beautiful and amazing but there are hidden dangers everywhere.

 

For more information visit http://childwatch.org/home.html

Child Watch, in cooperation with The Federal Bureau of Investigation Tampa Bay Citizens Academy Alumni Association promotes the FBI’s Child ID App.

The (FBITBCAAA) is a community-based and supported organization that promotes a safer community through outreach and educational events, with emphasis on the mission and leadership role the FBI takes in protecting our communities and nation. The FBITBCAAA is a non-profit organization and is separate and distinct from the FBI.


https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/fbi-child-id/id446158585?mt=8

Copy and paste the above website link to download the FBI’s Child ID App on your smartphone.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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Thank You Notes/Cards: Are They Necessary?

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If you are reading this blog you’re wondering, why should you send out thank you cards for an event that you put together and paid for?  Well that question popped in my head as well after my wedding and after people were wondering why they haven’t received any 2 months after my big day.  And for some the answer is simple, yes, because it’s tradition.  But is there a deeper meaning to it than just tradition?  I mean who started this notion and why do I have to spend more money and time.  And the simple answer really is, think about those who actually took the time out of their busy schedules to help you celebrate your union, or whatever event it is that you are planning.

Think about it, all those who traveled near and far probably had better things to do then to go to a store, buy you a gift, get dressed, and come see your joyous occasion.  When I think back on my wedding my husband’s family stayed nowhere near where the wedding was taking place and not to mention I had relatives coming from the East and West coast via plane and car just to see a couple who had been together for 10 years already and created life.  It was a celebration for them as well as us.  Granted the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and hand write thank you cards with my horrible 7th grade handwriting.  But it makes one feel special when you thank them for anything that they do.  You never know how that person is feeling that day.  Beside my thank you notes I made sure to make up for the lack of penmanship and not remembering what everyone and who bought us something.  So therefore I included pictures from the big day of us, which I know some family members will enjoy.  Especially since I am horrible about keeping in contact with people throughout the year.  Yes, I know I am a horrible person.  I will get my life together and I’m working on it.

But just to give you a few pointers, once you open a gift make sure you write down who bought what.  This way each thank you note will be personalized.  Also if you know you are horrible with timing you can always have pre-made thank you notes, when someone gives a gift at the wedding they get a thank you note.  My cousin told me about that trick after my wedding was done.  Another way to remember thank you notes, is to have only electronic gifts.  Such as, Bed Bath and Beyond, Amazon, or whatever your favorite place to shop.  That way each registry tells you who bought it and it is delivered straight to your address.  This option also helps with addresses since everyone may not sign the guest book or have legible penmanship.  Of course, these methods do not apply to elders who are not tech savvy, so old-school it is.  Also there are ways you can send electronic thank you notes via email.  The point is, it is a tradition and thoughtful gesture.  Well I hope this helped you, remember your not sending thank you notes just to spend more money but to show gratitude to family, friends, and haters that helped you celebrate your occasion.

 

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Are They Entertained? Children Summertime

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As summer hits its midway mark and we have gotten into a groove.  I know as a parent I cannot wait until the school year begins again.  Since my little one is a toddler he will be going to daycare.  In the past he would just continue to go through daycare but because we moved across 2 states we want to give our wallets a breather.  So since getting our son back from his grandparents house the busy ness does not stop.  Along with his potty training our little one will be taking swimming lessons at our gym.  Which brings me to this blog topic today.

Since most parents work year round and only take vacations during the summer when the kids are out.  Which is why airfare and vacations are more expensive during this time of year.  One has to wonder, are we spending too much time and money trying to make sure that our kids are entertained and happy?  Also, will these be memories that they will be fond of?  In other words, are we as parents spending enough quality time vs quantity time with our kids?  Yes, I know we wish we could take more time and just let our inner kid come out and enjoy ourselves at least once a month.  But realistically due to economic importance.  We cannot.

In order to give our children the amenities that we didn’t have and to keep them happy.  We have to go to work and put in overtime.  Things have changed over the years of keeping children busy throughout the year.  When we were younger it was all about the summer vacation at grandma’s and grandpa or a week to a month with our older cousins.  Our parents were praising the heavens once a child became of age to babysit.  And this was with no pay.  As long as the house was not burned down and no one was hurt everything was okay.  Playing in the sun all summer was a sure way to tire your kids out.  Today it still is but there are modifications.

Thanks to perverts and people who just want to hurt children.  Parents now have to pay someone to watch their children at all times.  Our household uses grandparents, other family members for date-night, and the gym for when we go workout.  Granted that both of us work from home it is still difficult making sure that my son gets the maximum educational learning experience this year.  Not to mention the amount of food intake that now comes into play.  Usually, I will go all day without eating but since my son is back I now have to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  So I know parents with older children can’t wait until school starts back so the grocery bill can go down.  Along with your electricity bill, water bill, and gas bill for the house and car.

I can say that these summers are what kids live for just like parents who work Monday through Friday live for the weekend.  Just like we need a break from work children need a break from school.  Summertime is a perfect time for kids to showcase their creative skills more.  Think about it, instead of someone telling them what they can and cannot do and when to eat and use the restroom.  Children use down time to be creative and think for themselves to keep themselves entertained.  So instead of just randomly selecting something for your children to do all summer.  Try giving your child some freedom and let them explore their interest; they may just surprise you.  I mean what if your child is interested in art and portraits?  Then selecting a program where they take art classes may be better than just fun in the sun at a water park all day.  It may also cost less, more money in your pockets for those family vacations.

Well that is all for my thought today, thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Being a Boss Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

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Being a stay at home mom, blogger, and you-tuber, can be exhausting and have its challenges.  Sometimes you just don’t feel like, staying in bed that day sounds and feels like a grand idea.  But what about your business, will it suffer because of this break?  Will you miss an important opportunity to grow? Why do you want to take a break in the first place?  And most important question is, if you push yourself through it will your body force you to break at a crucial time?  These are very important questions one must ask themselves especially when you’re not feeling as bossy that day.  Sure you can push through and take a break when it’s all said and done.  But how long will it take you to get to that point?  Is pushing through worth it?

As a person who just started, I can say that there are times where I’m just full steam ahead for my business.  I even try to shut the world out, but then I remember that I am also someone’s mother, a newlywed wife, and Lord knows that if I don’t clean my house the way I want it, it will just be a distraction from work.  For me working at home is really challenging.  I have my son running around, we just moved across 2 states into a new town and house, and not to mention that my husband also works from home.  So there are constant distractions.

Now this may just be me and I may just have a problem but for some reason I cannot get any work done when I know that there is laundry, dishes, and errands that need to be done.  I literally have to prep the house the day before in order to get work done.  As well as advise my husband who gets up way before me that I will be working late so therefore do not disturb.  And my son, well I just have to work that in all day until he goes to daycare in August.  My point is I have to schedule how my day is going beforehand so that I don’t get burned out.  Yes life throws curve-balls but for the most part I control my day.  So if I have been running around weeks on end and can feel my body shutting down, I schedule me time.  This is the most important thing to schedule.

Scheduling me time is a blessing.  It not only recharges you but it also gets you ready to be in full boss-mode at all times.  Think about, if you don’t schedule a girls night, date-night, day at the salon, go to the nail shop, or do whatever it is you enjoy doing that causes the least amount of stress.  Eventually your body will shut down for you.  And believe me no one wants that or to be around a depressing Patti.  Think about it, being a boss is really being able to juggle business life and personal life.  You have to be creative at all times and this will show your ingenuity.  This level of bossy-ness is fun for me because while my husband is exhausted from just one job I get to rub in his face that I am a Jack of all trades.  And the list of things that I have finished for the day is the icing on the cake.  Now, I’m not saying be a pain to your spouse because we know that there are some who do just as much.  But let’s be real, women do so much.  Even when we’re quiet and thinking.  LOL

All I’m saying is that in order to be a boss you have to delegate what is important and schedule everything else around that.  Even if your schedule changes or life changes.  Just breathe, think, and execute.  Believe me it will go a long way and you will be in boss-mode even longer and appreciate it more.

 

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Waxing: What You Need to Know About Them- Hard Wax Vs Soft Wax

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For some ladies and gentlemen, waxing can be a wonderful regular maintenance that can keep our bodies looking its best at all times.  For others, the shear mention of waxing makes them cringe.  But if you are wondering how and why people get them you first need to know that there are different forms of waxing.   While there are different styles you may be familiar with such as bikini, Brazilian, and the Au natural.  The wax that is used can be the difference of you want to keep doing this or this is painful and who in the right mind constantly does this.

One way is soft wax, which is the norm that most people see in movies where wax is applied and then immediately removed with either paper or a muslin strip.  This way is often perceived as extremely painful and deters a lot of people.  But there is an alternative, which is hard wax.  In this case hot/warm wax is applied, then allowed to dry and then the removal of hair by pulling the dry wax off.  Now looking at the names one would think that the hard wax is the most painful and soft wax is more appealing.  The name is only in reference to how the wax is used.  Soft wax stays soft and does not get hard, whereas hard wax has to dry or get hard in order to be removed with the hairs attached.

Now I will reason with you, if you are tender person or have a low tolerance of pain than waxing may not be your cup of tea.  If you are a frequent shaver of any place you plan on waxing.  Be aware it will cause some discomfort.  But this is not to deter you just to inform you.  If you are not sure of the pain, just think of it as someone ripping off a band-aid on a hairy part of your body.  Like a band-aid rip the pain is only temporary.  And if you have a professional doing your waxing and they are good they will gauge and coach you on how to handle the process.  Now please do not think that the process is forever because with a good waxer even if you’re getting a Brazilian or the Au natural, the process may only take up to 15 mins.  If its your first time maybe 20 to 30 mins depending how well you’re doing.

Next, if it is your first time getting a wax especially if you usually shave it will hurt more.  This is only because your hair is growing back thicker and more course so to speak.  Rather than the hair being removed from the root and pull out.  When the hair is pulled out from the root the hair will either not grow back or if it does it will grow back softer, which means it won’t be as thick.  This also means less painful.  It is true that if you continue to get waxes on a regular basis then you will get use to the pain.  There are places such European Wax Center, that mostly use their own mix of hard wax for most of their waxes and even sell wax passes.

As for the cost, you can get around that especially if you’re a student.  There are plenty of companies that have discounted prices for students, as well as first time waxers.  You may be able to get a wax 50% off or free depending on the specials.  I would look for coupons and deals on Groupon for places in your area.  Also, some places that are setup near a university can only have low prices based on their location.  If you’re wondering about price depending on the places, waxes can range from $20 to over $100.  The most expensive price I paid was $80 but I did have a $60 gift card.  My next price was $35 for a Groupon coupon and then that set price because I was a student.  I then switch to the company European Wax Center where a Brazilian is only $50 and if you’re a first timer its half off.  So though EWC is located in several states, I recommend that you do your research and find a subtle place and waxer.  This is your private area or body and it is a temple.  Just like you watch what you put in it I suggest to watch you does anything to it.

Now this is not an advertisement to my place which is EWC, I’m not getting paid to suggest them.  I’m just mentioning them because I have and currently using them and I love it.  Within 20 mins of arriving I’m paying and leaving.  So in short if you are just starting out I would suggest to go with a small wax session such as, bikini line, or strip.  You can even try a butt strip just to see how you feel about it or just get another part of body waxed altogether.  And then if it is something that you want to pursue long-term then go for it.  Below is a link of wax types and areas that they pertain to.

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/beauty-hair/g3225/bikini-wax-styles/

Finally, if you did decide to get a waxing, it is of utmost importance to properly take care of skin afterwards.  That means no swimming, no harsh chemicals, and if you waxed your private area please bath in lukewarm water with anti bacterial soap for the next couple of cleanings.  I suggest this to help kill any bacterial and help heal the skin.  No fragrances or fragrance washes as well.  You want to treat this as if you have a new tattoo or if you’re trying to keep a wound from getting infected.  Upon, doing research on your wax therapist, make sure they have a reputation of being clean and you want to make sure you watch them on sanitary.  After you have covered your basis with them now it is your turn to make sure your body can handle it.  After care is just as important as before and during care.  If they sell products, look them up and read reviews.  Ask what’s in the product.  Because the last thing you want is for everything to go well and you use a product that does not react well to your skin.  If you have been using a product that helps with razor bumps and it works, continue using that you do not have to buy their products.  Now I hope this blog helps with any questions or fears you have about waxing and good luck.

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

 

 

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Coloring Hair: Permanent or Semi-Permanent/Rinse Which Method is Better For Your Hair

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People have been dyeing hair since before it was a popular thing to do in today’s society.  There is evidence that natives in other cultures and countries that shows the nature ingredients that are used also plays a part in coloring their hair.  But this blog is not about the history of dyeing hair but differences in ways you can achieve color without damaging your hair.

Coloring your hair can be tricky especially if this is your first. The risks are high but the beautiful outcome is even better. But it has to be done right. Here are some do’s and dont’s of coloring hair. Rather than just jumping in and dying your hair red or blonde or pink or whatever that color is you’re trying to achieve make sure you know all the risk.  After you have made your selection on color, now research on how your going to achieve that color. You have 2 options of coloring, permanent or semi permanent which is a rinse.

Now if you have selected permanent hair dye you have to be careful on the product chemicals and harshness it can cause to your hair.  Permanent hair dye has a lot of chemicals and can cause damage especially on already processed hair.  For instance, if you have relaxed hair or perm you will need to give your hair time to adjust to the chemicals and retain some strength. Waiting more than 6 weeks is the recommended time. But if you have relaxed or permed hair and you still want to dye your hair.  It is recommended that a semi permanent or rinse is used. Since after a couple of weeks or washes the color will fade and come out.  And if your still not sure you can always consult a coloring specialist.  Notice I said coloring specialist, because there is hair stylist that can give your wrong advice or damage your hair even more.  You want to make sure you have someone who not only cares about achieving the color desire but also the health of your hair.  If a coloring specialist advises you not to use permanent hair coloring, listen to them.  If not you can’t blame anyone but yourself if your hair comes out.

Then, if you decide to color your hair on natural hair, you may just come out better than a person with processed hair.  Since your hair is in a natural state and has little to no chemicals your hair strains are way stronger than those who have processed hair.  Therefore, permanent hair color takes better to natural hair in most cases.  There are cases where natural hair strains are just not strong enough to handle the harsh chemicals in coloring products.  Which is why it is also important to test a couple of strains before applying color.  It also may be even more beneficial to consult a natural hair coloring specialist.  If you are unable to find one in your area I suggest doing a ton of research.

Next, you go the safer route which is semi-permanent route or rinse.  Then you my friend are making a great choice.  I prefer rinse just because I like to change my hair color often.  Like a couple of colors per year often and applying a rinse is much easier.  The only danger for applying semi-permanent dye is the possible use of creme developers and bleaching agents.  Now these are chemicals that help either lighten up your natural hair color or help the new coloring bond with your actual hair.  Now these agents are usually used on dark-colored hair.  For instance, say you have black or dark brown hair and you want to go a bright red or pink.  Well just dying your hair that color will only result in a dark version of the color you wanted.  So again be careful with these developers.

Now if you are opposed to taking any advice about hair coloring and the serious effect it can have if not done properly you can always start completely over.  Yes, cutting off all damaged hair and starting completely over.  Rather you have to go bald or rock a cute pixie cut, believe me it is not the end of the world.  Unlike other things that don’t grow back like fingers and eyes.  Your hair will grow back.  It may take some time but it will grow back.  Besides if you are in need of length there is always wigs and weave.  So rather you’re dyeing your hair yourself or getting a professional.  Remember, to ask what chemicals are used, rather your hair can handle the chemicals, and is it worth the hassle?

 

Thanks… SimplyBetty101

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IGTV: Instagram TV vs Youtube

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So if you haven’t heard by now Instagram has rolled out a new platform that is similar to YouTube. Rather you’re just starting off or thinking of expanding your platform, here are some differences between IGTV and YouTube.

Instagram TV/IGTV

  1.  Tough IGTV does not pay right now, the app is expected to be monetized for some users in January 2019.
  2. When recording videos is best to record via phone vertically; this gives the videos a more personal feel.
  3. Now smaller non verified accounts can only record up to 10 minutes while accounts with larger following and verified can record up to an hour.
  4. If you are not a fan of editing then IGTV might just be your best bet.  Since most videos will probably be uploaded via phone editing will be very minimum.
  5. IGTV does not have a live feature but since the account can be linked to your Instagram account which does have a live feature and since your followers are automatically linked to the new account it makes it easier to build an audience.

YouTube

  1. With this platform you can have a monetized channel after you meet the current requirements which are at least 1000 subscribers and 4000+ watch-time minutes.
  2. When recording videos is does not matter if you record on your phone vertically, horizontally, or via camera.  If you do record on your phone via vertically then your videos will have black bars on both sides.  Whereas, horizontally and camera versions will fill up the entire screen.
  3. Also there is no time length requirement for videos but it is advised that once you meet the algorithm and requirements to be monetized, it is best to have a 10+ minute video
  4. Major channels and some smaller channels that provide the best videos can spend hours editing one video which in turn can lead to a full-time job.
  5. YouTube does  have the live feature for more personal non edited videos.

Now if you have a YouTube channel already and you want your fan base to get more personal with you on a daily basis then signing up for IGTV is a great tool.  If you love more personal videos, with little editing, and just starting off with media content then IGTV is a great starting platform to start.

You can follow my IGTV for examples @simply_betty101 or my YouTube channel  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCP8MiC1IgP4a3f7TNjTxEIw?view_as=public

 

Thanks SimplyBetty101

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Potty Training: Helpful Hints

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So you think your little one is ready to be potty trained or you may just be tired of buying diapers and pull-ups because their so  expensive.  Either way you want your little one to be more independent and go to the restroom.  Well, if your reading this then yes you are ready but ask yourself this question, is your little one ready?  Here are some helpful simple hints and suggestions that will help you both.

  1. When to potty train
    1. if your child can speak pretty well; tell you what they want and can understand what you are saying
    2. if your child can hold it for long periods of time; if you notice that their diaper/pull-up is mostly dry all day and night and you’re not changing them that often
    3. if your child is constantly curious about their private area especially noticing when they go or right after
    4. and my favorite, if your child is constantly taking off their diaper/pull-up especially after they go

If you answered most of these with a yes, then your child is definitely ready to be potty trained

  1. How to potty train; a list of several ways
    1. Time It Method- some children can be potty trained on a schedule especially if they have a regular schedule on day-to-day basis.  Some children excel with a consistent schedule.
    2. Naked Method- some children like mine need a different approach; if your child is constantly having accidents with their big boy/girl undies on then maybe the naked method will help.  Some children do not know the difference between diaper/pull-up and undies.  So letting them roam free around the house will help.  It also gets them to understand the que of uh oh I got to go.
    3. Potty Song- some children like to be excited or may learn better through song.  There are plenty of potty training songs online or you can remix their favorite song into a potty song.
    4. Reward Method- this is a very popular method to get children to go to the potty.  Some children are excited to go especially when they know there is a reward for going.
    5. Communication Method- this one requires patience and good old talking.  If you constantly remind your child about going to the restroom and take them regularly basis.  You can even do this by explaining to your child about going to the restroom and why.  You will be surprised about how much your child actually understands.  Especially, if you have been using communication to explained things to them at an early age.

Here are some things that you will need when potty training your little

  1. Patience
  2. Consistency
  3. Plenty of fluids; apple juice and water works best
  4. Paying attention
  5. Non comparison
  6. Cleaning products; especially if you have carpet

Please do not get discourage just because your friend’s child was potty trained in 3 days or a week and your child is still getting the hang of it.  Each child is different and you should never compare your child to others.  They are unique in their own way.  Also another good tip is, children learn best from other children.  So if your child is having a little trouble, having them watch other kids go will help them want to go as well.  Remember they like to do as their friends are doing as well.  Don’t get frustrated and give up, you have to stay on this and eventually your child will be potty trained.  Just think of it this way no more money on diaper/pull-ups and also some daycare even charge less for potty trained kids.  So just  look at the bigger picture.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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To My Son: The Promises I Make to You

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As father’s day draws near and the day that you will once again be in my arms; I just wanted to take the time to write this. If over the years you feel discourage in my capabilities as a mother to you. Or you feel at any point I have failed you. Know that I did my best and most importantly I LOVE You more than anything the universe could ever offer me. Everything that I accomplished in life is nothing compared to bringing you into this world. Even though this world will do a lot of damage, please never give up and remember all the good things in life. Especially, those who truly love you… God and your parents. Yes, there will be times where you question everything in life. But I promise there is always light after the darkness. With that being said…

I will promise to do my best at all times to being a great parent to you.
I promise to provide you with what you need and strive for what you want.
I promise to be your backup when you are in the right and just.
I promise to guide you when you are lost.
I promise to protect your heart and soul from the evils of the world until you are strong enough to guard them yourself.
I promise to love you until the end of time.
I promise to give you the tools you need to survive and strive and conquer the world.

To my baby boy, my third pregnancy, my first born, to my blessing, I most importantly promise to be your mom.

Love Always,
Mom

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Pregnancy: The Mind Experience

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Being a mother is a wonderful experience and you can find plenty of blogs and post about the different challenges that comes with it. You can even spark an entire conversation with someone random about it. But what about pregnancy? Sure there are plenty of blogs and posts and books about the physical changes and what to expect, but what about the mental? For women and men both it can be a challenging concept to wrap your mind around. So I thought I would share some insights.

Now if you are one of those women who have always dreamed about kids and are planning everything down to when to get pregnant and with whom then this too can be of some use. Society just assumes that once a woman becomes pregnant that we can deal with it and keep going. But in reality for a lot of woman there is a tug of war going on in our minds that is pulling in more than one direction. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I was in shock. Not just because I was pregnant but because this was the 3rd one and I only have one child. See I had two failed pregnancies before and I didn’t want to be too excited and I was completely and utterly sacred. All those what if questions started popping up in my head and I freaked out, mentally. Not to mention that after the second pregnancy I went into depression or postpartum depression and I didn’t seek help I just processed pain the best way I knew how, working and being alone.

See the first pregnancy took a lot out of me, though it is kind of funny story now. See when I found out I took 3 Clear Blue pregnancy test, all which literally said pregnant, called the my doctor’s office for her to tell me that this is one of the most accurate test on the market, and that I’m actually pregnant. To me telling my future (now) husband and seeing his face of shock just like mine. To me jumping into my truck, driving 4 hours back home to my parents for the next 3 days. To me getting there telling my mother first who was ecstatic, until she saw my face. Then going to an abortion clinic to get tested, only to have the lady hand me a piece of paper that said, “EDD 4/14/2014.” At which point I asked her what did “EDD” mean, she said the most dreaded words I would’ve ever heard, EXPECTED DUE DATE. And finally me going into shock. I didn’t hear anything after that. I was terrified, no mortified that my life was about to change drastically and I wasn’t ready.

See I was the girl growing up who helped my parents out with my younger siblings, all which are boys and so damn bad, at that time. So I said to myself and God, that I didn’t want kids. And when I met my now husband he also had the same goals. I wanted to travel and go out and do whatever I wanted. I was getting my masters, working, and was living very comfortably. Both of us were. Not only was I not mentally ready, neither was my body. Soon after that I was sick as a dog. I mean throwing up, always nauseous even before I would get out of bed. I just felt awful, not to mention the questions running in my head….

How on earth did this happen?
Am I really about to be a parent?
Would I suck at it?
Is the next 18 years of my life really going to suck?
Can my spouse handle it?
Will I be a single parent?
Can I afford to be a parent?

All kinds of questions were going through my head and then the moment I started to feel just a smeggit of excitement and announce it on social media to family and friends, the unthinkable happened. Right at 12 weeks my body rejected the pregnancy, my little girl. I was heart-broken. Yes, it was tough to wrap my head around being pregnant and giving birth and of course my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be but I was going to do it and commit not matter the outcome. And to have it taken away was devastating. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even give my body time to heal. Literally, 3 days after getting a D and C I was back at work and school. Throwing myself into whatever it was I was doing before I got pregnant. My thought was, that God was telling me I wasn’t ready and to get myself together, no biggy. And then 2 months later I miscarried again.

The difference this time, the week I found out I was pregnant is also the same week I miscarried and I was only about 4 weeks. Now what made this so traumatizing is the fact that I didn’t get another D and C done because I didn’t have the PTO and time to do it and we (my doctor and I) thought I would just passed the fetus through my cycle. Boy were we wrong, see I miscarried either late December or first few days January. I took the Pitocin pills to induce labor around my cycle to passed at home. But I went into labor in April. Yes, months after it was all over and done, so we thought, I went into labor at home in the middle of the night. The contractions were unreal. Now I know some of you are going to say maybe you got pregnant again and didn’t know it. Well according to tests, ultrasounds, etc they all showed otherwise. It was later found that it was the fetus of my second pregnancy. See my fetus never came out during my cycle in January and after that night my cycles were off the chain. I mean going into mini labors and pushing tissue out on the last couple of days, off the chain. I had to eventually get another D and C done, and this is what broke me mentally.

I said all this to explain that I was mentally spaced/checked out. I literally went into depression. It was not a safe place. I questioned everything…

How can I, a woman, given that the sole purpose of a woman’s body on God’s green Earth, not carry a child?
Is this punishment for stating that I didn’t want any?
How can I be with a man if eventually he may want kids? And I can’t provide that?
Is this a sign showing that I am an unfit mother?
Would I even consider being married?
Am I wasting my life away?
Am I wasting his life and time being with him?
Will another woman come along and show me up/out?
Are we suppose to be together?
Did I miss some opportunity?
Is it because of this cervical cancer overhead?
Is it because I had cervical surgery prior to the first pregnancy?
Should I even exist if I can’t bear children/child?
What is it? I’m so lost and alone.

People don’t realize that some of simplest things to them are terrifying to others. And I’m pretty sure each woman who has ever been pregnant has had some type of anxiety attack in their heads about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, postpartum, the list goes on. I know some reading this may say, “well how is it that women can talk about everything else but not topics like this?” Well simple, no one wants to be the first at being a Debbie-downer or party pooper, why would I ruin someone else’s day with my problems that I can fix on my own. And the truth is we can’t always be that strong person all the time. Where would that help come from? Me personally I didn’t want to go to some group therapy and talk about my experience with other women who also were having problems the same as mine. I don’t like letting people see me that vulnerable. I don’t like letting the outside world looking into my thoughts and personal feelings. I am not just a book or someone’s note session, but I will admit that can be a downfall. No, I didn’t talk to a therapist but I did talk to my spouse and close friends who also had the same experiences. I found out that I wasn’t alone if I would’ve at least tried talking to them first before shutting everyone out. But I do understand that everyone isn’t as supportive as you would like and it is a delicate situation. But it can have a devastating effect on yourself and those around you. So seek help before you seek the end.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

Postpartum depression
Also called: PPD

Requires a medical diagnosis
Symptoms might include insomnia, loss of appetite, intense irritability, and difficulty bonding with the baby.
People may experience:
Mood: anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or panic attack
Behavioral: crying, irritability, or restlessness
Psychological: depression, fear, or repeatedly going over thoughts
Whole body: fatigue or loss of appetite
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: insomnia