Category: Career

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“Is He Helping You On Your Way Or In Your Way?”

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Being in a marriage often times leaves a person in self doubt or who am I mode.  And typically it seems to be the woman or if your that rare unicorn the less dominating person in the relationship.  Now I know there are strong women out there who just know off the back that they are the dominating person but there are a lot of instances where women will take a backseat in the relationship.  And before we know it that firecracker of a personality is now allowing the man to be a man in public and behind doors just to hold to that relationship.

The fear of scaring a man a away runs deep psychologically and without failure. I do believe that because we’ve conscientiously have pictured this ideal family and in order to keep that picture we must play the part.  Think about it, how many failed relationships did it take for you to say okay maybe it’s not them it’s me and I doing too much.  Granted some of us do take it too far and have a tendency to blow things out of proportion.  But the older you get the more things that use to set you off now doesn’t even phase you.   Well same is true about marriages/relationships.  Example, say for instance that having a dirty house rather it’s a minor mess or massive, irritates you to the core.  But over the years you have allowed the mess to pile up and clean it without a fuss.  Or a more drastic example, you had dreams and ambitious before you met your husband and literally put it on the back burner or changed your dream so that he can pursue his first.  Some of us have become stay at home moms, housewives, or taken a lesser job because we didn’t finish school or got to start that company idea we were sitting on.  How often have men taken a backseat to allow their partners to shine?

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but in my opinion women do tend to be more passive in relationships just to make them last longer.  Of course, there are those special unicorns out there where the roles are reversed but I’m talking about as whole female population.  Now with that passive survival on, we tend to allow our inner beauty or inner flower to not flourish and deem.  In some cases, wither and die.   That’s why in so many divorce or major breakup cases afterwards women tend to go on a spiritual, an awakening, get my groove back journey to find ourselves again.  You know, the get the old me back, phase.  Men not so much, they tend to just go on as if that was just a phase and take the breakup harder later on.  Why women on the other hand tend to take it hard at the beginning.  I believe that is so because of the foresight we have or the ideology of the relationship we had is now gone.  Yes, it does tend to take men longer to realize the bigger picture of a woman’s worth.  Hence, why those songs were created in the first place.

Now after i said all of that I do believe that now women are becoming more and more in-tune with themselves regardless of their relationship status.  And with that growing flower, are finding out if their spouses are up to the task.  Women can do it all, I mean except the part about raising a man to be a man.  I do believe that a man can do that better.   But we are still doing it and crushing it at the same time.  Times are changing and women are at the forefront of the action.  Not allowing any man spouse, partner, child, father, or friend to slow us down.  We are realizing that our goals and dreams do matter and we want them to become a reality.  Now if that means leaving some people behind and so be it.  The best advice that I received and has stuck with me over the years is, “If they are not helping you be on your way. Then they are in your way.”

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Should Marriages Have An Expiration Date Similiar to Driver’s License?

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So I was questioned about a video that I did, Vlog; Should Marriages Have the Option to Expire Every 4 Years? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbec1osyDIY. And basically I was asked about the effects about how a system like that should work and the countermeasures that should be in place due to the fact that people homes would be wrecked beyond repair. Now I am all for having a conversation about a hypothetical situation just as much as I love the discussion on real issues today. But this was a hypothetical proposal and was all opinionated. But I will entertain the situation and go more into details. And I would like to ask the question, is everything in today’s failed marriages fixed.

In other words, we cannot find a solution to every single problem in every single person’s life in the world. Think about, if there were solutions to everyone’s problems then there wouldn’t be so many inventions to make everyday tasks better, there wouldn’t be so many prescriptions written for the opioid crisis, there wouldn’t be so many psychiatrist and psychologist, doctors, teachers, and the list goes on. Hell there are solutions to some problems that we didn’t even know we had. But my point is there will always be a flaw in any new governmental law that is put into place. Especially for the ideas that have never been done before. We can’t talk about what if problems of a hypothetical law that will have an affect on families when the laws and customs that we have today also have effects on families now.

The only reason why this concept of having a marriage expire like a driver’s license came up was due to the fact the the divorce rate in the United States alone is about 40 to 50 percent. That’s literally saying that half of the people you know who are married have or will get a divorce. That is a shockingly high percentage. Especially on a country that pushes for family economical growth. Now financially for those whose careers flourish or profit off of divorces, I can understand why you may oppose the idea of a marriage expiring versus to going to divorce court. But if America was to every entertain the idea of marriages expiring it may actually have a better effect on people and their families. These long/short term marriages have devastating effects financially and mentally on the main parties involved.

Think about it, if two people who think they are in love and want to spend the rest of theirs lives together get married. But then find out the horrible truth let’s say 3 years into the marriage. Instead of paying thousands of dollars to get out of the marriage they can allow it to expire the following year without adding on the stress of financial burden. I mean if we look at states that recognize common law marriage we can say it’s kind of already into place. Of course, there are some restrictions or rules to the common law marriage but can technically be voided at anytime.

Temporary marriage/expiring marriage should work the same. If we went through the marriage process as normal, meeting someone, invested interest, intent on living til death do you part, building a family, etc. But found out sooner than later that it’s not going to work out then we should be able to walk away with the least amount of damage. Now in my opinion of this hypothetical temporary/expiring marriage I believe some rules and outcomes should be in place. For example:

  1. Obtain marriage license and get married as per requirements now
  2. Have the option to allow your marriage to be temporary/expire after 4 years
  3. If temporary/expire option has been chosen and couple decide to continue in marriage then court will deem marriage as full status or complete (whatever terminology decided)
  4. If couple decides to allow marriage to expire then couple will have to appear before judge stating that they will respectfully and agree that both parties should separate. This will allow families to not go bankrupt and have families be a bit more civil (again my opinion)

Now I know your thinking what about the effects it will have of career persons that have invested interest on marriages failing and the effects that it will have long and short term on children and family members. And to those facts I say unto you, how do you think families are doing now financially, emotionally, and mentally with divorce rates being high now. And those who are banking off failing marriages believe me just like everyone else who have fallen off the financial high wagon there will be other opportunities that arise within this suggestion that will allow them to be just fine. Just like any other careers that have been altered in the past due to major economic changes in America.

What would be so different with this adjustment. I do believe some people are so lazy and scared that instead of focusing their energy on being positive and coming up with a better game plan for when things hit the fan. They rather blame others and just sit there festering about how things were. Things change all the time across all spectrums and yet many of us still find ways to come out on top. But as stated this is a hypothetical situation that may never come into forewishion. But the concept or something similar may just work if the right thought and time was put into place to allow such an idea to prosper.

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The Truth Behind Dieting and Lifestyle Changes

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So the new trend these days is weight loss, dieting, and/or lifestyle change. Whatever you decide to call the truth of the matter is that you will fall off the bandwagon and have a lot cheat days. What do I mean you say? Well, usually when you start a new plan there is a lot of, “you gotta stick to the plan,” or “there are no cheat days,” and finally my favorite, “you have to put in the work and there can be no slacking, this is a lifestyle.”

Well truth be told, you will fall off the bandwagon and have a lot of cheat days. But you have to also realize that those cheat days have to be made up. You know just like if you miss a day in school and it happens to be a test day. Most teachers and/or professors will allow to make up those test. The same goes for new lifestyle. Rather its for a specific time to reach a goal or a complete forever while your living change. You can make those up. The key is to make sure you have more deliberate and strict days than makeup days. Nobody wants to be missing out on the fun and let’s be honest, hot dogs, ice cream, cake, etc are most of time fun. It’s the after effect that we hate and a lot of people can quit cold turkey once that horrible cheat day hangover feeling has passed over. And they realize they never want that feeling again.

Me myself is not one of those people. I mean come on one expects me to cut out beef ribs, brisket, burgers, hot dogs, hot wings, crawfish (which I personally don’t think is bad anyway since they’re so small and take so much to even add up the calories), and some sweet treats maybe once a week. I mean come I live in the south for crying out loud, in Texas from which I’m a Louisiana born and raised. That in itself should allow me a pass every once in a while. And even though I have been seeing results come out slowly, I have been seeing results.

For instance, to offset my cheat days (which is usually around holidays and PMSing). I workout 6 days a week or strive for it. And I’m not talking about 20-45 minutes in the gym looking cute and flexing in the mirror. I’m in the usually around 1-4 hours. I go to spin classes, core, soul grooves, run 3 miles, C.R.T. (circuit resistance training), gluteus maxout, cardio kickboxing, just to name most. So believe me when I say there are days where I feel like I earned that peach cobbler. I mean I burning on average 2,000 calories a day. So a girl has to repleinse that fuel. I’m not running on flumes here. But you have to remember what you put in is also what you will get out.

For the most part if not all the time instructors and trainers always tell about those results with motivation speeches about sticking to the correct regime but they don’t tell you about the fall off days. But keep the faith it is a process and journey for sure. this change will keep you on your toes literally an just know that you are not alone in your journey. Don’t get discouraged just try to find ways to reassure and redirect those cravings and bad habits. Eventually they will either minimize or disappear altogether. Just keep in mind who or what your doing it for and keep that motivation until it becomes second nature. Just don’t hang yourself and believe that you are a failure, you’re not you just need a reminder.

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Comfort Zone: It’s Your No. 1 Failure

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You’re probably wondering why someone would say that your comfort zone is your failure. And why anyone would think it deserves the number 1 spot. Well, it’s simple, if you take a mirror and look at your life right now, can you say there are things you wish to add but it’s not necessary? Are you ok, with the way things are going and hope nothing major happens to throw you out of whack? Then you’re in a comfort zone no matter how you slice it.

I remember growing up my dad would always tell me that at any point I can come home. And that was enticing and comfortable to know that I always had a crutch to lean on. But he also would state that two women cannot be queens in the same castle. In other words, if I chose to move back home then it was apparent that me and my mother would klash all the time. Because I would have to remember that even though I am grown I am not grown enough to where that living with my parents would suit my personality. And that right there gave me the push to always stay on my toes and grind. Now it didn’t mean that I was always successful because at some point I did have to move back in with parents just not my parents. And a 9 month plan turned into 6 months and out. I was determined to be queen of my own castle. Again, my personality is something else.

But that is that comfort zone being shook until your head hurts and your stomach aches in pain constantly. Even if your life is well accomplished and you don’t have to ask for anything. If you have that constant idea that keeps popping in your head over the years and you think there is no chance. Just continue to wait, the universe will force you out of that comfort zone eventually and then my friend you will have no choice but to take that leap of faith. For example, I recently watched on a talk show that a man had been working for 15 years approximately as a sales rep and all of sudden lost his job. He had stability and a great income with no problems but in the back of his head his passion was for cooking. All of a sudden the company went in a new direction and laid him off. Now that comfort zone he had for 15 years was gone. So guess what, that nagging idea he had has no choice but to take the leap because at this point he has nothing to lose. Now I’m not saying that something as drastic as getting fired has to happen. Maybe you don’t like your job at all and everyday that you are there is enough to push you out of your comfort zone to work on your craft at any spare moment. The sheer thought of handing in your resignation letter is enough motivation to get you moving.

So next time you think everything is cozy and comfortable just make sure you have done absolutely everything your heart has desired. That way the universe won’t have to shake things up for and force you to re-think your life’s choices. As long as you have breathe in your body it is not too late. Heck I even read about a man who was in his 70s or 80s that became a millionaire again after selling his first business and hitting rock bottom. There’s stories about elderly people who go back and get a college degree. There’s another one about an elderly couple having a child after years of failure. So instead of letting the universe shake up your world in a harsh way. Shake it up yourself and strive for the best you. You should always be in beast mode or hustle mode in everything that you do. Taking opportunities to learn from every experience and failure and turning them into stepping stones. That is how leaders and separated from the following pack. You are great… see it… feel it… and become it.

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Struggles of Adulthood

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What I don’t understand is that people have the preconceived notion that once a person turns 18 years of age they are now adults and can make rational adult decisions. I’m sorry to break it to society but a person who has only been in the world for less than 20 years cannot make correct adult decisions.

For example, college financial aid and career choices. Society really expects young adults who have never filled out an financial document before in their lives to then undergo a big financial risk of applying for student loans without the full understanding of the total impact it can have on their future. As well as select a profession that they will endure for the rest of their lives. You do see the downfall to this plan correct? There is no guidance to how to navigate adulthood until one has entered into their 20s and is force to learn hard knocks of life in order to survive until their 30s. So now people are spending their 30s correcting mistakes they did in their 20s, so that they can at least enjoy their 40s and so forth. Now I’m no mathematician but that is almost most of some of our lives creating and correcting debt that was accumulated because there is no concept of raising kids to be adults.

You always hear the notion let kids be kids, but where is the underline of teaching kids to become functioning adults who can make correct decisions. Now I could get into the aesthetics of the billion dollar industry to keep people in debt so that the country can monetize off of it. But this is not a conspiracy chase blog and I’m not a conspiracy theory chaser. So with that being said wouldn’t it be a great idea to throw away half of the bull crap our public and private schools teach. Start with just teaching the basics then allowing a child to hone in on their skills to then conquer that into a profession. I mean how is it that we have so many smart and intelligent children but yet we are behind other countries and our teachings are lagging. Now I’m not blaming our teachers by any means, I know there is a stupid structure that is setup to 1. not paying teachers enough, 2. children are being rushed though, the no child left behind bull, 3. children are not challenged enough and not taken seriously, 4. teachers are stressed to the max because the statistics of children failing and having to deal with parents not understanding why their child is failing, 5. and if children are not performing and fitting into a box they are quickly shuffled off as being ADD/ADHD, which is just lazy.

So let’s just recap the struggles of people going into adulthood. First, kids are not taught or shown how to make adult decisions before they are thrown into the lion’s den. Second, the billion mistakes that are made in our 20s we will then spend the rest of our lives trying to correct. Finally, the system that is here to teach our children is seriously broken between the stressed out teachers, students, and parents. So as a parent I will definitely be picking up the slack that this North American school system has been lacking. Yes, parents should be teaching their kids anyway but we do know that everyone’s circumstances are different. So if your a parent just remember any lessons that can be taught to a child that can prepare them for the real adult life that is up ahead, please entrust them with that knowledge.

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Today and Tomorrow’s Promises

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Today…

I’m tired today… I’ll get to it tomorrow.

Tomorrow…

I’m still tired I’m going to take 1 more rest day then grind it out tomorrow.

Tomorrow again…

Man my friends are meeting up and I’ve been stuck in the house the last 2 days and I got stuff I need to work on. Okay, new plan have fun today because you only live once and wake up early and grind it out and just make it happen tomorrow.

Next day news headlines:

Young woman was killed in a car accident that left 3 others injured. The young lady had dreams of starting her own fashion company and wanted to give back to her community. It is sad to say that those dream will never come true.

Tomorrow is not always promised… so what are you doing today?

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Disappointments and/or Discouraged: Support Systems and Checks and Balances

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I’m going to be honest, a lot of times I get discouraged and/or disappointed with the way things are going in my life.  Now is there something wrong chemically in my head, no.  I just go through some things in life that trigger a pity party in my head just like any other person.  Luckily I don’t stay there for long maybe a couple of days at the most and then I’m back to my old chippery self.  Rather if it’s a argument with my spouse or some harsh reality that has altered my existence, I do still try to either think about the positives and move on.  Or deal with it and then move on.  

Just like anybody else in this world, I get thrown curve balls on a regular.  And when your in a relationship it is either a hindrance or a blessing to have a partner that can alter your discouraging state of mind.  If you are in a relationship, having a compatible partner is crucial especially if you suffer from depression or some suicidal thoughts.  Support systems are essential in everyone’s life no matter how strong your will and spirit is.  Checks and balances can be applied to almost every aspect of your life.  For instance, a person can go through school doing what they think is great but in their parents or teachers eyes their doing the bare minimal.  Now if neither one of those people, your support system, tells you to either try harder or do better, will you know to do it on your own?  Or how about your feeling sad and feel like the walls are closing in on you and you have nowhere to turn and you just want this to end or your life to end so you can’t feel pain, shame, guilt, burden to others, pity, and etc.  But you have that one friend, partner, relative, someone who is paying attention and comes to your rescue time and time again to talk you away from that ledge, knife, gun, rope, bedsheet, etc.  Having that person beside you makes a big difference in this world and makes a weak minded person feel like they can grow and accomplish anything.  

Disappointments will come and you will feel discouraged.  But if you have surrounded yourself with the right support system then you won’t feel discouraged for long. The checks and balances you have in place will make you feel more uplifted and encouraged.  There are times where we are not aware of our support system, it can well enough be a stranger.  Yes, a strange person can feel compel to come to your aid when you least expect it and need it the most.  Weird how life works sometimes, but it  is necessary.  This is not going to be much longer, I just wanted to share my thoughts and personal feelings.  Yes, I do fear the darkness that the world can provide but I overwhelming enjoy the lighter side of the world.  Joy comes in the morning and the darkness doesn’t last always.  If you are ever in a dark place that seems like it’s never ending, please look for the light in any way shape or form.  No matter how small that light may be.  Remember, everyone needs checks and balances from a support system.  

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Lost of Inspiration: My Plans of Making a Better Life

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So as you can see I took my website down for about a month, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to write but because I just didn’t feel like writing.  I just wasn’t inspired to write anything, anything good that is.  I let my life take on a hectic turn of events and being unorganized.  I was so focused on upcoming events that are short-term happiness that I took my focus away from something that could possibly be an awesome hobby for me.

So with that being said I have refocused my attention to my happiness and in the process try to find my true purpose of my life.  I want my life to be wonderful and more blissful than what it already has.  Crazy I know wanting more happiness and enjoyment of time with family, it’s crazy to even think about it and even trying to accomplish it may seem impossible.  But it really isn’t.  Similar to those that I have met that smoke their problems away, don’t seem to care about many troubles of the world nor the small ones that plague so many lives and cause so much destruction and stress.  No I’m not saying that I will smoke or start smoking for that matter or even turn to other drugs but I can take the same approach to accomplishing a more lax lifestyle.  As the great song by Lil Duval says, “I’m living my best life.”  I am truly happy at the way things have turned out for me so far.  And I definitely can’t wait to see what comes up ahead.

But my steps at getting towards that happiness is simple so far and I’m still working out some kinks of course.  But it all starts with my health.  The things that I put into my body have to be of benefit to me in the essence of my survival and longevity.  I’m not saying that I am vegan or a vegetarian, but the concepts of eating healthy and more natural foods is definitely a journey on its own.  Also, if I am eating correctly as well as my family then working out is also essential to make sure my body and mind is in tune with the universe.  I am still working on syncing everything together but I love the experience so far.

Next, it’s getting my plans together for the remainder of my life.  Things that I want to do, places that I want to see, and people I want to meet.  And not to mention the life experiences I will get to experience.  Once you start meditating and getting your mind-body and soul together the outside world is not so scary nor is it a bother on nonsense and frivolous things.  Such as, bills, money worries, worldly desires, and amongst other things.

Finally, getting my spiritual body is a journey that I have been struggling with for years now.  Making sure that I am on the right path is crucial to myself, family, and those that I positively affect around me.  Even the negative energy that I may give off unknowingly has to be kept in check at all times.  Knowing when you are in a bad mood can allow evil spirits to enter and be released to those around you and have a negative effect.

So making sure my body inside and out it taken care of, making sure that my life is less stressful and beneficial, and lastly making sure my spiritual mind-body and soul in check.  It’s all apart of my plan to make sure my life is non regretful and fulfilled with happiness.

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Advice of Others VS Yourself

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Walking into the unknown will have 1 out of 2 outcomes. Either its successful and you make a great discover for your life. Or you fall flat on your face and forced to start over. As I’m writing this I know that this is advice that I would give someone if they were me. See I have ideas and things that I think that would be great for others to enjoy. But my fear of falling on my face keeps me from jumping.

Oh that good old fashion fear, I have written plenty of posts about you. As well as some motivating ones that tell you to just jump and forget about fear. But we are all humans, so I would say to myself. Think it through, breathe, and go at your pace. It’s funny how we as people are always ready to give advice on the smallest things. Rather it’s what food to feed your pet, what car is of better quality than others, oh my favorite, how one should raise their children. But we forget that we don’t take to well to advice ourselves, because let’s be honest it can be overwhelming. Not being able to think for yourself.

We are in a culture where everything is being told to you on how you should act, what to wear, where to go, and etc. Everything is based on a trend, even giving advice. Geesh, no wonder people are afraid to take a leap on faith and are fearful for everything. It’s like a bad omen if you decide to go against the norm. But WATCH OUT!!!! Because if it works out in your favor there is 2 outcomes. One you will be a trendsetter and now you have leaching. Yes, you heard me, with success comes a price. How many sleepless nights, how many opportunities passed up on, and time you missed with loved ones. But on the other hand if you fail, those same issues I just named are also sacrifices. Along with your pride, your now a laughing-stock to some, and your courage can be broken as well.

I know people read blogs, and posts looking for answers. But really you have to give yourself that ultimate answer. Ask yourself this, will you feel better or worse not trying no matter the outcome? Or better or worse trying no matter the outcome? Nobody can tell you what’s best for you better than you. Remember, no one will have to answer to your life choices but yourself. I hope that helped, because now I just gave myself another boost.

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

 

 

 

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What I Wish I Knew…About College!!!!

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Ok so I know the semester has already started but there are just somethings I need to say. First, no one prepared me for the reality of college and what all it intelled. I was just thinking it was another form of high school just bigger. Boy was I mistaken.

I wish I was more mentally prepared for what was to come within the first semester alone. Because high school was so relaxed and I had my parents their to help with the slack. It was overwhelming when I was just thrown into the adult world. I didn’t have the skills on how to meditate and get use my critical thinking skills on such short notice. But I quickly learned. Networking was another mental hurdle I had to overcome. Getting to know my professors, department head, chancellors, counselors, and upper classmen, was vital for my survival in college.

Another concept trait I wish I had was responsibility. Being in high school and younger my parents were always there. The moment I went to college I found out very quickly that all responsibilities were now on me. Everything from grades, student loans, financial aid, and a slue of other things. I had to learn that no one was going to pick up where I was slacking nor check me when I needed it.

Speaking of financial aid and student loans. I didn’t understand the full capacity of loans and what they really meant. I just thought it was money given to cover tuition and that was it. I was definitely not expecting to pay so much back. If I understood that, I would’ve taken out so much or just looked to alternatives as far as school and career choices.

Next, big thing was my major which at first was business management. Then I learned and was forced that this major is not my cup of tea. Luckily, I found out within 2 years before I graduated with pathetic grades and just slipped through the cracks. So I ended up changing my major to history something that I was way more interested in and enjoyed. Choosing a major was a huge critical decision I had to make on my own. Instead of choosing a major that my parents had partaken I chose something that I loved.

Finally, I wished that I had explored more in all those hobbies and interests. Just to say that I attempted and that was checked off my bucket list. Rather it was fashion, hair, careers, preference in sex, everyone around me was exploring different aspects of life except for me because I wanted to stay with the norm. Or what I thought and possibly my friends and family thought was the norm. I just should’ve shook off those nerves and jumped.

But all things turn out the way they are suppose to in life and I truly have I regrets about college. Even the chances that I didn’t take, who knows I probably would’ve been one of those out of control people that did something extremely stupid. Thus suffering from the consequences of those decisions for the rest of my life.

SimplyBetty101