Category: Family

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A Tribute to My Family and Support System: The Small Law of Attraction, You Should Try It…

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I must say I have been blessed with a wonderful family and/or support system.  Which is crucial in today’s or any society  for a person to survive and exceed in life.  

Being the oldest and the only girl on my mother side, which is the side that I grew up with mostly.  Until my mother married my dad, yes, I refer to my step father as my dad.  That title to me is reserved to a person who actual acts the role on a daily basis.  Now that that confusion is out of the way.  Being the only girl for some time I didn’t grow up with older female cousins that were empowering and motivating.  I didn’t get that until my mom married my dad and I met my cousins Tyger, Kiwi, and Maj (yes, I’m using nicknames).  These ladies definitely helped me shape my mind and understand what purposes are in life.  This support system was crucial because by the time these wonderful ladies came into my life I was freshly in my teens and already in womanhood.  

So meeting women around my age that were already into their own stride of life, was thrilling and eye opening.  Up unto this point I never had a single thought to myself of what I wanted to do in life and how to act.  That support system of my own peers gave me great advice and a different perspective on life then what I grew up with.  I actually had the pleasantry of a loving and devoted family.  Now, yes, I do understand that not everyone is ever so lucky to have loving family members and/or even caring members either.  And I also understand that people find family outside of their actually family.  Now whether they are a good influence or bad I understand that people stick to either situations of people or situations of surroundings.  And you can either learn from situations and surroundings or fall into them.  

The matter of the fact is that everyone needs that emotional, spiritual, and mind-blowing human connection that helps mold us into people.  Rather or not you agree with your surroundings or just blindly following your surrounding trend.  There are things that cannot be accomplished in life without that support system and family bond.  People learn how to love, connect, and teach others by learning these qualities from mentors and/or elders.  We also get our body chemistries a fighting chance to show others what we have to offer and build ourselves to greatness.  There is something that one gets from the competition of others surrounding them all fighting for the same position but for different motivations.  It’s like we as a people have to prove that we are people to each other.  But it all starts from the moment we have actual human interactions with someone.  And that support system, that family, and connection we have is vital to our survival.  

We see all the time where people withdraw from others and their surroundings to the point where it can kill them or maybe leave them in peace.  But those that do chose to be in peace are usually socially awkward and have anxiety of some sort.  But this is not about the distance and the damned.  This is about the bonding and the belief that family is a part of motivation.  Family is the drug and cure of life, the excitement of wanting to share and inspire your family and/or surroundings with positive vibes.  Instead of being spiteful and competitive with my family peers we actually look to our meetings and link ups as a way to motivate and give ideas.  Giving inspiration and advice to better each other is so refreshing and keeps us on our toes.  This is a way to keep us focus on our goals.  It’s amazing of how proud we are for each other in every role you can think of in life.  And I know that there are a lot of people who would kill just to have a taste of what I have in my family.  

So I say all this to give just a light at the end of the tunnel.  Some one may just need that extra push in finding that great support system.  Here is a tip, that great support system that you are longing for is coming if you just stop looking and just start living.  Believe me, that great support system that you are longing for will just appear.  Strang I know but the energy you give is the energy that you receive.  The law of attraction is a powerful thing and such a real thing.  If you give off positive and supportive energy, then you will receive positive and supportive energy.  So be mindful and grateful of the life you are giving and please don’t let anyone take your inner you.  Just show the world who you are and let everyone around you know that you can give support and you too need the support.  

SimplyBetty101

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If You Could Go Back, Would You Choose To Be Black?

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If you could go back, would you choose to be black?

If you had the same birthday, life, and God gave you a second time

Would you choose to be black in America?

If you could go back, would you still want to be raised in the harshness and violence of selective America vs Blacks?

Or would you prefer to be comfortable with the imagination of Fear of Blacks?

If you could go back, would you bless yourself with the chosen skin of the Creator?

Or would you prefer the murder of the colonizer who claim they built America?

Though we all know that those with that mindset don’t do any heavy and dirty work

They pass it down to those who don’t have the resources, but they forget it’s all muscle

If you are non black American can you honestly say that you would prefer to be black in America knowing what you know now?

Can you honestly sit there on your high horses and think that America is just?

Can you say that America is welcoming?

Can you say that America is fair?

Can you say that America is the best country to live in to those not from here?

Can you say that America is respectful?

Can you say that America will never change?

America is not the land of the Free

Nothing is free in America not even death

America is the “You Give Me Your Soul and I’ll Give you a Crumb,”

America is the 1% that gets to enjoy everything about America

While the rest argue over what changes should be done, but never act

Are we all not just humans who were created in different shades?

Economic separation people can actually understand and say create change

But when it comes to race, those of non black turn to the blind side and hope it’s all a dream

Well so do blacks, we hope and pray it is all a dream and that one day I don’t have to fear my coworker

Or a stranger on a subway…..my middle school classmate…..my local dentist klansman…..my neighbors…..

For black Americans we are scared to leave out of our front doors, not knowing if we will ever return

We are also scared to move into a new front door, not knowing if cops will be called praying to put 20 bullets to the head

Especially if we used the amenities that we also pay for

The reality is the image of America is the non black rich American’s sitting on a throne with black… Strong…Demanding… Fast… Big…Thugs…or more degrading description “a pack of NIGGAS,” at their feet

But let’s be real non black Americans love everything about Niggas

From the clothes…hair…body…vibes…persistence…work ethics…determination…willingness…language…style…

Even our skin color….but yet you say you don’t want to be black

Who are you fooling…your slavemaster ancestors?  Or that person in the mirror?

So again I ask, if you could go back, would you choose to be Black?

 

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Healthy Lifestyle Goals

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So since 2015, before I was pregnant, I was on this new health kick where if I workout hard then I could eat whatever I wanted.  And for a while that worked until I got pregnant.  Now before I was pregnant I weighed a solid 150 lbs. and dropped down to 140 lbs.  But oh when I went in to delivery I was an even 200 lbs.  Now that is a lot for myself since my biggest size was a 10 in juniors.  Now some of you may be thinking that 200 lbs is not so bad but if you have seen any pictures of me then you know that 200 lbs was a far cry from the 110 lbs my freshman year of college.

Since I was active and working out before I was pregnant and a little while pregnant, I thought, first baby my body would just snap back into place like I had seen some of my friends.  WRONG!!!!!! My body and genetics is completely different from my friends.  See once I had my baby I only dropped 20 lbs.  Yeap, just a measly 20 lbs.  So I thought well maybe I just have to give it some time.  Nope that didn’t work either over 6 months had past and not a single pound was dropped.  So I came up with a weekly goal and a plan.  Though I have been working on this lifestyle and tweaking things here and there I am determined to get down to 150 lbs before my birthday in November.  So wish me luck….

  1. Workout at least 5 times a week
  2. Healthier meals (no wings) (ok at least not every week)
  3. Motivation and consistency is key
  4. Don’t lose faith, progress is slow and the reward is awesome
  5. Make it a friends and family thing (this will push you even more and make you competitive)
  6. Keep progress reports and change things if results are not showing in 2 weeks time
  7. And you are not alone…..
  8. Love yourself in whatever stage
  9. No shortcuts (plastic surgery) – maybe a breast lift
  10. And I ran out of things to say LOL….enjoy

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Parent’s Fear: Raising a Child In America Part 1

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Everyday fears start to form the moment of known conception for any parent, especially mothers’.  Women are known for having their minds wonder to dark and scary places of the world. For some people dangers of the world are always outside and in public places until they realize it can also be at home.  No one wants to think that any harm can come to their children when they are there monitoring them and watching for noticeable dangers.  But what about those that are unseen?

For instance, it’s a good day to go to the amusement park in your area.  It’s a good way to relax and get some of that childhood thrill in with your kids.  So you’re there having fun, playing games, riding on rides, and all of suddenly blink.  The day is over and it’s time to head home.  No threats, no worries, just pure fun with family.  But what if we rewind the day and go back to when you were reaching to get a snack for your 8-year-old and turned around and all of suddenly blink.  Their gone, and you look slowly back and forth for a half of second, nothing.  Now panic starts building up as you call their name and no answer.  Even more panic and now frantic because there is no answer just people walking by looking past you and unnoticed to your concern.  You frantically scan each passing face near and far, no , no, no.  With each no to your child’s face you go into a full-fledged panic attack and now it’s a horror show.

You scream, only now has others started paying attention and coming to your aid.  The local security and police are there to help you, as well as concerned citizens.  As you describe what your child is wearing, your brain does something miraculous.  It starts to remember things that you were unaware of or thought it was of no significance.  Who was around and what they too were wearing, if there were any strangers that rubbed you the wrong way, the last time you actually had contact with your child and what they were doing.  Your heart is beating so fast and pumping so much blood to your brain and making your adrenaline rush to the point now you’re in full fledge predator and protective mode.  But the nightmare has already begun to sink in.  Instead of a pleasant day at the amusement park it has now turned into an amusement nightmare.  The impure thoughts of what is happening to your child, and how they feel, can send anyone into a complete breakdown and shock.

The impure thoughts of what is happening to your child, and how they feel, can send anyone into a complete breakdown and shock.  You’ve seen the news on tv and have heard the horror stories of child victims on social media and TV.  Every possible heinous act that you can think about comes into mind.  These thoughts make the tears just uncontrollable and the blame game sets in.  You start thinking about ways or things that you would’ve done differently that would have prevented this from happening to you.  You even blame yourself for judging other parents that have been through similar situations and mock them on how they didn’t watch their children closely enough.  But you have to remember, fear and what ifs will not bring your child home.  According to Child Watch of North America, An estimated 800,000 children are reported missing each year – more than 2,000 children every day.  An estimated 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before age 18. Yet, only 1 in 3 will tell anyone.

It is dangerous and scary to raise a child in America or even the world today.  But one must keep going forward.  No one is recommending that your child stays locked up until your death.  Everyone knows that children will have to learn to be independent and capable of taking care of themselves.  Are their ways to help prevent such horrible fates for yourself and your children?  Of course, there are plenty of technology out there that can help you monitor your children when they are not around.  Not to mention the damsel kits that can be used when your child is too far from you, https://damselindefense.net/ .  At the rate of America, you would think to just lock your children in the house and never let them out because you never know who will harm your child.  Will it be the trusted daycare associate, the family man neighbor, the coach, the priest at your church, the child you constantly gets bullied at school, or the genocide maniac gun owner at a concert.

The truth is you never know and you must keep watch and teach children how to cope and deal with the dangers of the world.  No one wants to be scared to leave their house everyday.  People should be able to go out and enjoy life while being cautious and aware of their surroundings.  Being prepared, is better than thinking it can never happen to me, because as the saying goes, “you never say never.”  Remember the moment your children can understand certain things it is better to start talking to them about the dangers of the world.  Please do not allow the world to raise and teach your children everything.  Yes, the world is beautiful and amazing but there are hidden dangers everywhere.

 

For more information visit http://childwatch.org/home.html

Child Watch, in cooperation with The Federal Bureau of Investigation Tampa Bay Citizens Academy Alumni Association promotes the FBI’s Child ID App.

The (FBITBCAAA) is a community-based and supported organization that promotes a safer community through outreach and educational events, with emphasis on the mission and leadership role the FBI takes in protecting our communities and nation. The FBITBCAAA is a non-profit organization and is separate and distinct from the FBI.


https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/fbi-child-id/id446158585?mt=8

Copy and paste the above website link to download the FBI’s Child ID App on your smartphone.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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Thank You Notes/Cards: Are They Necessary?

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If you are reading this blog you’re wondering, why should you send out thank you cards for an event that you put together and paid for?  Well that question popped in my head as well after my wedding and after people were wondering why they haven’t received any 2 months after my big day.  And for some the answer is simple, yes, because it’s tradition.  But is there a deeper meaning to it than just tradition?  I mean who started this notion and why do I have to spend more money and time.  And the simple answer really is, think about those who actually took the time out of their busy schedules to help you celebrate your union, or whatever event it is that you are planning.

Think about it, all those who traveled near and far probably had better things to do then to go to a store, buy you a gift, get dressed, and come see your joyous occasion.  When I think back on my wedding my husband’s family stayed nowhere near where the wedding was taking place and not to mention I had relatives coming from the East and West coast via plane and car just to see a couple who had been together for 10 years already and created life.  It was a celebration for them as well as us.  Granted the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and hand write thank you cards with my horrible 7th grade handwriting.  But it makes one feel special when you thank them for anything that they do.  You never know how that person is feeling that day.  Beside my thank you notes I made sure to make up for the lack of penmanship and not remembering what everyone and who bought us something.  So therefore I included pictures from the big day of us, which I know some family members will enjoy.  Especially since I am horrible about keeping in contact with people throughout the year.  Yes, I know I am a horrible person.  I will get my life together and I’m working on it.

But just to give you a few pointers, once you open a gift make sure you write down who bought what.  This way each thank you note will be personalized.  Also if you know you are horrible with timing you can always have pre-made thank you notes, when someone gives a gift at the wedding they get a thank you note.  My cousin told me about that trick after my wedding was done.  Another way to remember thank you notes, is to have only electronic gifts.  Such as, Bed Bath and Beyond, Amazon, or whatever your favorite place to shop.  That way each registry tells you who bought it and it is delivered straight to your address.  This option also helps with addresses since everyone may not sign the guest book or have legible penmanship.  Of course, these methods do not apply to elders who are not tech savvy, so old-school it is.  Also there are ways you can send electronic thank you notes via email.  The point is, it is a tradition and thoughtful gesture.  Well I hope this helped you, remember your not sending thank you notes just to spend more money but to show gratitude to family, friends, and haters that helped you celebrate your occasion.

 

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Are They Entertained? Children Summertime

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As summer hits its midway mark and we have gotten into a groove.  I know as a parent I cannot wait until the school year begins again.  Since my little one is a toddler he will be going to daycare.  In the past he would just continue to go through daycare but because we moved across 2 states we want to give our wallets a breather.  So since getting our son back from his grandparents house the busy ness does not stop.  Along with his potty training our little one will be taking swimming lessons at our gym.  Which brings me to this blog topic today.

Since most parents work year round and only take vacations during the summer when the kids are out.  Which is why airfare and vacations are more expensive during this time of year.  One has to wonder, are we spending too much time and money trying to make sure that our kids are entertained and happy?  Also, will these be memories that they will be fond of?  In other words, are we as parents spending enough quality time vs quantity time with our kids?  Yes, I know we wish we could take more time and just let our inner kid come out and enjoy ourselves at least once a month.  But realistically due to economic importance.  We cannot.

In order to give our children the amenities that we didn’t have and to keep them happy.  We have to go to work and put in overtime.  Things have changed over the years of keeping children busy throughout the year.  When we were younger it was all about the summer vacation at grandma’s and grandpa or a week to a month with our older cousins.  Our parents were praising the heavens once a child became of age to babysit.  And this was with no pay.  As long as the house was not burned down and no one was hurt everything was okay.  Playing in the sun all summer was a sure way to tire your kids out.  Today it still is but there are modifications.

Thanks to perverts and people who just want to hurt children.  Parents now have to pay someone to watch their children at all times.  Our household uses grandparents, other family members for date-night, and the gym for when we go workout.  Granted that both of us work from home it is still difficult making sure that my son gets the maximum educational learning experience this year.  Not to mention the amount of food intake that now comes into play.  Usually, I will go all day without eating but since my son is back I now have to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  So I know parents with older children can’t wait until school starts back so the grocery bill can go down.  Along with your electricity bill, water bill, and gas bill for the house and car.

I can say that these summers are what kids live for just like parents who work Monday through Friday live for the weekend.  Just like we need a break from work children need a break from school.  Summertime is a perfect time for kids to showcase their creative skills more.  Think about it, instead of someone telling them what they can and cannot do and when to eat and use the restroom.  Children use down time to be creative and think for themselves to keep themselves entertained.  So instead of just randomly selecting something for your children to do all summer.  Try giving your child some freedom and let them explore their interest; they may just surprise you.  I mean what if your child is interested in art and portraits?  Then selecting a program where they take art classes may be better than just fun in the sun at a water park all day.  It may also cost less, more money in your pockets for those family vacations.

Well that is all for my thought today, thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Being a Boss Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

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Being a stay at home mom, blogger, and you-tuber, can be exhausting and have its challenges.  Sometimes you just don’t feel like, staying in bed that day sounds and feels like a grand idea.  But what about your business, will it suffer because of this break?  Will you miss an important opportunity to grow? Why do you want to take a break in the first place?  And most important question is, if you push yourself through it will your body force you to break at a crucial time?  These are very important questions one must ask themselves especially when you’re not feeling as bossy that day.  Sure you can push through and take a break when it’s all said and done.  But how long will it take you to get to that point?  Is pushing through worth it?

As a person who just started, I can say that there are times where I’m just full steam ahead for my business.  I even try to shut the world out, but then I remember that I am also someone’s mother, a newlywed wife, and Lord knows that if I don’t clean my house the way I want it, it will just be a distraction from work.  For me working at home is really challenging.  I have my son running around, we just moved across 2 states into a new town and house, and not to mention that my husband also works from home.  So there are constant distractions.

Now this may just be me and I may just have a problem but for some reason I cannot get any work done when I know that there is laundry, dishes, and errands that need to be done.  I literally have to prep the house the day before in order to get work done.  As well as advise my husband who gets up way before me that I will be working late so therefore do not disturb.  And my son, well I just have to work that in all day until he goes to daycare in August.  My point is I have to schedule how my day is going beforehand so that I don’t get burned out.  Yes life throws curve-balls but for the most part I control my day.  So if I have been running around weeks on end and can feel my body shutting down, I schedule me time.  This is the most important thing to schedule.

Scheduling me time is a blessing.  It not only recharges you but it also gets you ready to be in full boss-mode at all times.  Think about, if you don’t schedule a girls night, date-night, day at the salon, go to the nail shop, or do whatever it is you enjoy doing that causes the least amount of stress.  Eventually your body will shut down for you.  And believe me no one wants that or to be around a depressing Patti.  Think about it, being a boss is really being able to juggle business life and personal life.  You have to be creative at all times and this will show your ingenuity.  This level of bossy-ness is fun for me because while my husband is exhausted from just one job I get to rub in his face that I am a Jack of all trades.  And the list of things that I have finished for the day is the icing on the cake.  Now, I’m not saying be a pain to your spouse because we know that there are some who do just as much.  But let’s be real, women do so much.  Even when we’re quiet and thinking.  LOL

All I’m saying is that in order to be a boss you have to delegate what is important and schedule everything else around that.  Even if your schedule changes or life changes.  Just breathe, think, and execute.  Believe me it will go a long way and you will be in boss-mode even longer and appreciate it more.

 

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Potty Training: Helpful Hints

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So you think your little one is ready to be potty trained or you may just be tired of buying diapers and pull-ups because their so  expensive.  Either way you want your little one to be more independent and go to the restroom.  Well, if your reading this then yes you are ready but ask yourself this question, is your little one ready?  Here are some helpful simple hints and suggestions that will help you both.

  1. When to potty train
    1. if your child can speak pretty well; tell you what they want and can understand what you are saying
    2. if your child can hold it for long periods of time; if you notice that their diaper/pull-up is mostly dry all day and night and you’re not changing them that often
    3. if your child is constantly curious about their private area especially noticing when they go or right after
    4. and my favorite, if your child is constantly taking off their diaper/pull-up especially after they go

If you answered most of these with a yes, then your child is definitely ready to be potty trained

  1. How to potty train; a list of several ways
    1. Time It Method- some children can be potty trained on a schedule especially if they have a regular schedule on day-to-day basis.  Some children excel with a consistent schedule.
    2. Naked Method- some children like mine need a different approach; if your child is constantly having accidents with their big boy/girl undies on then maybe the naked method will help.  Some children do not know the difference between diaper/pull-up and undies.  So letting them roam free around the house will help.  It also gets them to understand the que of uh oh I got to go.
    3. Potty Song- some children like to be excited or may learn better through song.  There are plenty of potty training songs online or you can remix their favorite song into a potty song.
    4. Reward Method- this is a very popular method to get children to go to the potty.  Some children are excited to go especially when they know there is a reward for going.
    5. Communication Method- this one requires patience and good old talking.  If you constantly remind your child about going to the restroom and take them regularly basis.  You can even do this by explaining to your child about going to the restroom and why.  You will be surprised about how much your child actually understands.  Especially, if you have been using communication to explained things to them at an early age.

Here are some things that you will need when potty training your little

  1. Patience
  2. Consistency
  3. Plenty of fluids; apple juice and water works best
  4. Paying attention
  5. Non comparison
  6. Cleaning products; especially if you have carpet

Please do not get discourage just because your friend’s child was potty trained in 3 days or a week and your child is still getting the hang of it.  Each child is different and you should never compare your child to others.  They are unique in their own way.  Also another good tip is, children learn best from other children.  So if your child is having a little trouble, having them watch other kids go will help them want to go as well.  Remember they like to do as their friends are doing as well.  Don’t get frustrated and give up, you have to stay on this and eventually your child will be potty trained.  Just think of it this way no more money on diaper/pull-ups and also some daycare even charge less for potty trained kids.  So just  look at the bigger picture.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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To My Son: The Promises I Make to You

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As father’s day draws near and the day that you will once again be in my arms; I just wanted to take the time to write this. If over the years you feel discourage in my capabilities as a mother to you. Or you feel at any point I have failed you. Know that I did my best and most importantly I LOVE You more than anything the universe could ever offer me. Everything that I accomplished in life is nothing compared to bringing you into this world. Even though this world will do a lot of damage, please never give up and remember all the good things in life. Especially, those who truly love you… God and your parents. Yes, there will be times where you question everything in life. But I promise there is always light after the darkness. With that being said…

I will promise to do my best at all times to being a great parent to you.
I promise to provide you with what you need and strive for what you want.
I promise to be your backup when you are in the right and just.
I promise to guide you when you are lost.
I promise to protect your heart and soul from the evils of the world until you are strong enough to guard them yourself.
I promise to love you until the end of time.
I promise to give you the tools you need to survive and strive and conquer the world.

To my baby boy, my third pregnancy, my first born, to my blessing, I most importantly promise to be your mom.

Love Always,
Mom

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Pregnancy: The Mind Experience

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Being a mother is a wonderful experience and you can find plenty of blogs and post about the different challenges that comes with it. You can even spark an entire conversation with someone random about it. But what about pregnancy? Sure there are plenty of blogs and posts and books about the physical changes and what to expect, but what about the mental? For women and men both it can be a challenging concept to wrap your mind around. So I thought I would share some insights.

Now if you are one of those women who have always dreamed about kids and are planning everything down to when to get pregnant and with whom then this too can be of some use. Society just assumes that once a woman becomes pregnant that we can deal with it and keep going. But in reality for a lot of woman there is a tug of war going on in our minds that is pulling in more than one direction. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I was in shock. Not just because I was pregnant but because this was the 3rd one and I only have one child. See I had two failed pregnancies before and I didn’t want to be too excited and I was completely and utterly sacred. All those what if questions started popping up in my head and I freaked out, mentally. Not to mention that after the second pregnancy I went into depression or postpartum depression and I didn’t seek help I just processed pain the best way I knew how, working and being alone.

See the first pregnancy took a lot out of me, though it is kind of funny story now. See when I found out I took 3 Clear Blue pregnancy test, all which literally said pregnant, called the my doctor’s office for her to tell me that this is one of the most accurate test on the market, and that I’m actually pregnant. To me telling my future (now) husband and seeing his face of shock just like mine. To me jumping into my truck, driving 4 hours back home to my parents for the next 3 days. To me getting there telling my mother first who was ecstatic, until she saw my face. Then going to an abortion clinic to get tested, only to have the lady hand me a piece of paper that said, “EDD 4/14/2014.” At which point I asked her what did “EDD” mean, she said the most dreaded words I would’ve ever heard, EXPECTED DUE DATE. And finally me going into shock. I didn’t hear anything after that. I was terrified, no mortified that my life was about to change drastically and I wasn’t ready.

See I was the girl growing up who helped my parents out with my younger siblings, all which are boys and so damn bad, at that time. So I said to myself and God, that I didn’t want kids. And when I met my now husband he also had the same goals. I wanted to travel and go out and do whatever I wanted. I was getting my masters, working, and was living very comfortably. Both of us were. Not only was I not mentally ready, neither was my body. Soon after that I was sick as a dog. I mean throwing up, always nauseous even before I would get out of bed. I just felt awful, not to mention the questions running in my head….

How on earth did this happen?
Am I really about to be a parent?
Would I suck at it?
Is the next 18 years of my life really going to suck?
Can my spouse handle it?
Will I be a single parent?
Can I afford to be a parent?

All kinds of questions were going through my head and then the moment I started to feel just a smeggit of excitement and announce it on social media to family and friends, the unthinkable happened. Right at 12 weeks my body rejected the pregnancy, my little girl. I was heart-broken. Yes, it was tough to wrap my head around being pregnant and giving birth and of course my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be but I was going to do it and commit not matter the outcome. And to have it taken away was devastating. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even give my body time to heal. Literally, 3 days after getting a D and C I was back at work and school. Throwing myself into whatever it was I was doing before I got pregnant. My thought was, that God was telling me I wasn’t ready and to get myself together, no biggy. And then 2 months later I miscarried again.

The difference this time, the week I found out I was pregnant is also the same week I miscarried and I was only about 4 weeks. Now what made this so traumatizing is the fact that I didn’t get another D and C done because I didn’t have the PTO and time to do it and we (my doctor and I) thought I would just passed the fetus through my cycle. Boy were we wrong, see I miscarried either late December or first few days January. I took the Pitocin pills to induce labor around my cycle to passed at home. But I went into labor in April. Yes, months after it was all over and done, so we thought, I went into labor at home in the middle of the night. The contractions were unreal. Now I know some of you are going to say maybe you got pregnant again and didn’t know it. Well according to tests, ultrasounds, etc they all showed otherwise. It was later found that it was the fetus of my second pregnancy. See my fetus never came out during my cycle in January and after that night my cycles were off the chain. I mean going into mini labors and pushing tissue out on the last couple of days, off the chain. I had to eventually get another D and C done, and this is what broke me mentally.

I said all this to explain that I was mentally spaced/checked out. I literally went into depression. It was not a safe place. I questioned everything…

How can I, a woman, given that the sole purpose of a woman’s body on God’s green Earth, not carry a child?
Is this punishment for stating that I didn’t want any?
How can I be with a man if eventually he may want kids? And I can’t provide that?
Is this a sign showing that I am an unfit mother?
Would I even consider being married?
Am I wasting my life away?
Am I wasting his life and time being with him?
Will another woman come along and show me up/out?
Are we suppose to be together?
Did I miss some opportunity?
Is it because of this cervical cancer overhead?
Is it because I had cervical surgery prior to the first pregnancy?
Should I even exist if I can’t bear children/child?
What is it? I’m so lost and alone.

People don’t realize that some of simplest things to them are terrifying to others. And I’m pretty sure each woman who has ever been pregnant has had some type of anxiety attack in their heads about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, postpartum, the list goes on. I know some reading this may say, “well how is it that women can talk about everything else but not topics like this?” Well simple, no one wants to be the first at being a Debbie-downer or party pooper, why would I ruin someone else’s day with my problems that I can fix on my own. And the truth is we can’t always be that strong person all the time. Where would that help come from? Me personally I didn’t want to go to some group therapy and talk about my experience with other women who also were having problems the same as mine. I don’t like letting people see me that vulnerable. I don’t like letting the outside world looking into my thoughts and personal feelings. I am not just a book or someone’s note session, but I will admit that can be a downfall. No, I didn’t talk to a therapist but I did talk to my spouse and close friends who also had the same experiences. I found out that I wasn’t alone if I would’ve at least tried talking to them first before shutting everyone out. But I do understand that everyone isn’t as supportive as you would like and it is a delicate situation. But it can have a devastating effect on yourself and those around you. So seek help before you seek the end.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

Postpartum depression
Also called: PPD

Requires a medical diagnosis
Symptoms might include insomnia, loss of appetite, intense irritability, and difficulty bonding with the baby.
People may experience:
Mood: anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or panic attack
Behavioral: crying, irritability, or restlessness
Psychological: depression, fear, or repeatedly going over thoughts
Whole body: fatigue or loss of appetite
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: insomnia