Category: Lifestyle

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Tech “NO” Relationships

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In today’s society it’s so easy to meet new people and learn everything about them at the tip of your fingertips. But how well can you really get to know a person by reading their life story online instead of connecting with them on an intimate level once you meet them? Are we so disconnected socially that relationships are only composed of causal friendships and one night stands? Think about the last relationship you had. Did you spend more time communicating and keeping up with your partner electronically? Once you were with that person did you only have a short intimacy and then were consumed with tv and electronics? If you’re answering yes to most of these questions then your next relationship will be completely different after reading this.

Here are a couple of things you can try the next time you are around friends and family just to do a trail run to see how things go. Your next gathering instead of everyone having access to their phones ask them to put their phones on silent and enjoy a wine tasting or meet and greet. Now your probably wondering why you would do a meet and greet with family and friends of people you already know. But do you know them based on the info from online or them telling you directly? Having a meal with friends and family to talk about things that are happening that week or that have already happened gives you a sense of how people really feel. This also enhances your abilities to read body language and gauge people emotions. You can express thoughts without someone taking it in a text the wrong way. Being connected mentally to a person allows you to understand people on a level that you can never get electronically.

Now your probably saying that you’re not always on your phone. But seriously you do. You know how I know you do? Because either you or someone in the group is always posting online for the world to see how much fun your having. But why does it matter to the world of how much fun you have? See we’re so consumed with what everyone is doing on a constant basis that we miss the real life connections and experience right in front of us. Think about it, how many missing persons photos do you come across on your timeline? How many people you know even as young as 5 years old don’t have cellphones? How do we miss the creepy person that has been following you for the last 3 or 4 stores? Or the kid that may just be a little overweight because they rather play video games or be on electronics than to go outside? It’s because we have decided that all the info we need is via online even a person that you have never met. The first thing people do is look up that persons social media account; rather its Instagram, Facebook, twitter (maybe not), or Snapchat. How many blind dates have you been on and when you met the person they were nothing like their profile? People can create so many lies and catfish others into believing that lie. But if we sharpened our communication skills outside of our electronics then there wouldn’t be such a disconnect.

Meeting people on a social level can be exciting and thrilling. You will be surprised on how well your communication skills have developed. That fright that you have standing up for yourself can disappear. Giving a speech that you wrote out so perfectly wouldn’t be so hard if your social skills were better. The next blind date that you go won’t be so nerve-racking if you are able to read that person’s body language. You may be able to tell if they are actually into you instead checking their social media every few seconds. Knowing if a person just wants a causal relationship or if they actually want a more deep and serious relationship is helpful.

So next date or family and friend event you have. Make a rule of no phones unless it’s an emergency or you can say that no post can be posted. Whatever the rule is to make the day or event a more tech “no” night….lol. Believe me it’s beneficial for everyone involved. You may also find out that you don’t like people who you call friends as much as you thought you did. Or it may draw you closer. Remember secrets and personal info should never be shared over any type of electronic device, that’s called evidence. Look all I’m saying is that it is nice to get to know a person for who they really are, not who they want to be via social media. You can be catfished even if you have known that person for years. People can change over time. If it’s your spouse have date night without electronics. You can do dinner, bike rides, fair/carnival, or even walks together. Ask each other about short-term and long-term goals. What is their aspiration? What is your aspiration? Just remember this instead of always trying to capture the moment, be in the moment. The world does not always have to know.

Thanks for reading…..SimplyBetty101

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Life Can Be A Fairytale: If You Dream It and Allow It

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So, your cuddled up on the couch, watching your favorite fairytale movie, and wondering wow I wish life was like that. Well why not make it an reality? The only thing standing in your way of your dream man, lifestyle, or career is you honey. See most of us think that fairytales don’t happen in real life but they do because those who chose to make it an reality did it.

Take Cinderella for instance, she didn’t have it all peaches and wonderland. No at the beginning it was fun but once tragedy struck again and again she was dealt some bad hands. But that didn’t stop her from imagining and keeping her hopes up. And looked what happened she became queen. I mean she was living in rags talking to rodents and animals all day. I mean most of us would call that batshit crazy and turn the other cheek. But homegirl had dreams and hope, that became a reality.

Let’s take another one, Tiana from Princess and the Frog for example. She was turned into a frog when she was already working hard to save up and open an restaurant. They even had a song stating you got to keep at it and have a lil faith. And she turned out to be princess as well. My point is that no matter what life throws at you at this moment it is up to you to make lemonade out of lemons. Yes there are those who may not understand what it means to work for what you want. Then there are those who understand exactly what you are hustling for because they too have been in your shoes or are there with you.

Take me for last example, I have been with the same guy for 10 years and we are just now getting engaged. We have a 2 year old with unexplainable amount of energy and we’re both working to grow our own businesses. Now it hasn’t always been roses; I mean 10 years and we’re just now tying the knot, we’ve had a couple of miscarriages, we fought like divorce couples in the beginning, and our families have been asking about children and marriage this whole time. Not to even mention, being broke then making some money, not investing or managing it properly, to being extremely broke and dependent on family. But now I can truly say that I have found and I am living my fairytale. Now were we ready years ago to get married… definitely not we had to work out some kinks before we started on a solid foundation. We went through some things but I always had hope and a dream of what I wanted my life to be. Once both if our mindsets lined up perfectly we had a masterpiece. Everything happens for a reason in its own season. Remember that because it will make everything in life clear and make sense when your struggling.

Now I’m not saying that you need a partner to accomplish your fairytale. Your dream may only consist of you. Well who said you only had to have one dream? Look life is what you make it. Being truly happy and grateful for the small things will definitely show up when those major blessings start to fall info place for you. You have one life, why not live it as a lifestyle or fairytale you may just be surprised at what you find.

Thanks for reading……Simplybetty101

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ROAD TO CAREER: FINDING YOUR HAPPINESS

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So, your bored with your everyday life and you’re wondering have you wasted your life away? Well have you? I can say that I have been working since high school and I have worked in the food industry, retail, and even insurance but those are nothing compared to what I really want to do. I can honestly say out of all those different jobs there was only one where I really felt like I belonged; and that sector was a nonprofit museum that I worked for while in school getting my bachelors. The fact that I was able to learn so much about history and different arts that were just amazing it really didn’t feel like a nonprofit, but I was also able to learn a lot about how to run a nonprofit and the benefits of having such a magnificent attribute to the community.

So now that your thinking about it, you can see that there’s nothing really challenging you to the point where you’re doing your best every day. So, you’re just wasting your life away letting time go by and allowing someone else to live out your dreams. Short of, see you can have competition you just need to know what your niche is. Now I can go into a long ordeal about doing what makes you happy and you should be working towards that vision of yours and not complain about life because you’re not doing anything. But I’m not, you know that speech and you’ve heard that speech so me pounding it into your head is not going to make a difference if others have done so and failed. But I will give you some tips.

Now there is nothing that is hard if you put your mind to it and your heart. Sure, there will be some fails along the way, but they will be worth it, believe me. To help put things into perspective you can create a vision board like the video that I did — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk5GcPDtOTM – to help move things along. Now that you know your niche and even maybe the plan you will have to make that career a reality let’s get busy. You will have to stay focused, your career will be the most important thing in your life that you are pursuing for a while even if you have children. Because like most parents your career is going to fund the comfortable life that you want for your family and to be honest that will sometimes intel missing games and special moments with your family. But and yes there is a but, is this gamble of driven and focused attention the best action for your life and family if that pertains to you?

Now there can’t be all work and no play, you will burn out and that my friend is where the balanced life comes in. You will have to commit enough time and effort towards your career but also towards your family. Now if you do not have a family and it’s just you congrats you are in the stage of being plan out selfish. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. For example, the day I left for college my dad looked at me and told me that I don’t have kids and it’s just me so therefore it is ok to be selfish. See from the age eight all the way up unto I left for college my world evolved around my siblings and helping my parents out. Did I always like it, not, but it did give me a sense that I didn’t want children any time soon and I wanted to enjoy my new-found freedom! And so selfish I was for about eight years lol and I have no regrets.

Now though I was not doing my purpose in life during those years, I can say I was building my character to become the person I needed to be. I also understood that everything happens for a reason and things will happen in its season. Let me repeat… EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND IN ITS OWN SEASON. Now if your career was to run a fortune 500 company in your 30s and up, do you really think you may have been very responsible to handle a position in your 20s. I’ll let you think about that for a moment… see even if you have always known what you wanted to do and have worked so damn hard for. It will only come to you when you are completely ready for it; because think about it, how many times have you gotten what you thought was a blessing to then lose it and wonder why it fell apart. That’s because you weren’t ready for it.

Now that you have a better understanding for life you can turn that hard work and patience into a slight relief. Notice I said slight. Have you heard the saying the same thing it took to get her is the same thing it takes to keep her? Well if you haven’t you just did and if you have you know that it mostly applied to you working to keep your spouse. But why not apply it that concept to life? Besides your vision and dreams requires just the same amount of attention if not more.

So basically, don’t give up and keep working at it you never know the very thing you may be striving for may just be the bottom line for you. Just imagine there may be even more blessings and gifts for you that you can’t even imagine right now. Just keep the positive attitude and remember…everything happens for a reason and in its own season.

Thanks… SimplyBetty101

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FOCUS BOARD: A MAP TO YOUR VISION BOARD

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Hello readers, so you have an idea of what your life could or should be but what your currently in or doing is far from that dream… or is it?… So what you’re working constantly to make ends meet and barely getting by or maybe your living the comfortable life and have no worries, but is everyday fulfilling? Obviously not if you’re reading this and other blogs and articles on how to turn your life around but don’t worry I’ve been in the same position before and I have turned to advising and helping others.

So now that we have gotten your feelings out-of-the-way and pretty much made you reflect on life now it’s time to get serious. Now you have a vision of what you want in life and maybe even somewhat on how you are going to get there. But do you really have a concrete plan for that dream; I mean every detail down to the amount of time you would have to invest? Well I know you probably have done a vision board – you can watch my YouTube video on how to create a vision and focus board from link below — but do you have a focus board prepared? I mean do you have a plan that you can stick to on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis where you can check your progress and make sure your keeping on your path for a fulfilling life for yourself? Look, at this point there are no more excuses; you have made enough of those over your life which is why you’re looking for encouragement and motivation. Everyday when you wake up doing something you don’t want to that should be enough motivation right there.

I struggle with focus, hence is why it’s called a focus board for me, of course you can call it something else. But let’s be serious how many times did you have a dream or an idea but never acted upon it or finished it? But if you’re still breathing you still have time. Now this is the most important part of making a dream come to reality. However you want to keep up with your progress rather it’s a journal, focus board, reminders in your calendar via your phone and any other electronic device you have; do what works for you. Whatever the method is for you use it. It can even be a countdown on when your last day in that position to get you started. Maybe your tired of working for someone else or a company you no longer find value in. Heck it can even be a position within the company that you desire. Whatever your vision is believe me this is the best time to come up with a game plan to make that vision become reality.

There are all kinds of ways you can come up with a plan and stick to it. This is important because your going to need checks and balances. Yeap like the government…somewhat but better. You have to have something in place where you constantly check your vision and focus plan and balance it out with real life. Nothing is ever just given to you because you were born you. But the energy that you put out, the laws of attraction is going to help make your vision a reality. If you constantly look at your vision as an obstacle that can’t be done, you will end up sitting back and watching someone else live YOUR dream. But if you look at that vision as if it’s a project or problem you have to figure out or a different way of making it happen, then you my friend are attracting positive energy of completion. Look even if your vision leads to something else that was unexpected it just shows you that once you put forth effort doors of opportunity just open up for you.

Remember your life is a lifestyle regardless of what you want your life to be if it is for the betterment of your mind, body, and soul you can’t go wrong. I also guarantee you that the moment you start working towards your vision the overwhelming feeling of freedom will bestow upon you like it’s nobody’s business. And happiness will be an everyday thing that just comes without question. Now you have a reason and a plan for your vision board and not just a dream. Dreams you wake up from and visions can be spoken into existence.

Life is a Lifestyle… SimplyBetty101

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MY BLOG INTRODUCTION: WHY BLOG?

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Welcome to my website, you’re probably wondering why are you reading this? I mean it’s only an introduction blog or maybe your trying to get started on blogging yourself. Well instead of reading through all those different blogs that tell you it’s only a couple or simple steps to get started, let me tell you the truth. Now, if you’re into setting up a website and think it is easy or already have about 10 to 15 blogs written out and ready to go. Then yes, it is easy but what about the money to get it started, if you are like me your funds a limited; now there are a lot of articles and blogs out there that a free but to set up your domain and on a website like Bluehost it will cost you about a $100 give or take depending on which packet you select. Now if you chose WordPress to start a blog channel then yes that is free to sign up but there are add-ons that can cost a lil of your time to sign up for all those free accounts. Pretty soon you may forget what all you have signed up for and not remember usernames and passwords.

Ok, so you get through signing up and registering your account, now you must design your website…ugh… wait what. Unless you know someone or you yourself are an expert in creating a website it will take you a while to figure out what everything means and how you want it to look.

Alright so now you have your account registered, your website is done, and you even have some blogs posted now who and how are you going to get people to read your blogs. Well my friend if you have a social media account, I would start advertising on those. Such as Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, and even Pinterest; yes, Pinterest you would be surprise how much traffic you can get just from your social media outlets than you realize besides its free advertising. Not to mention that all those social media accounts can be changed into business accounts so that you can potentially earn money and make a living from your advice.

I know it seems like a lot but so is starting any business or hobby if it is for you than do it there is nothing stopping you besides you. So, what you may not get the overnight success that you see people getting on a daily basis. The fact that you worked hard and put in the work believe me it will pay off someday. Take me for instance I’m posting this information for you and a helpful guide and a truthful realization that nothing is easy and if it does come easy, be cautious. I love helping others but sometimes I think my advice is either solely for me or that others may not just understand me. It’s just the people around me daily is on a different level in life than I am and possibly the person that needs my knowledge is searching for it on the web. Hence is why I started my own blog. Now I didn’t read any blogs that told me that it’s going to take patience and a lot of work to get it started but the fact that when I got my website launched it was wonderful. Being able to express myself via writing (typing technically) is such a wonderful feeling for me it’s almost like an adrenaline rush for me.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to discourage you in starting a blog I’m not even being endorsed to give you this advice. I’m just warning you the amount of time you would need to put into your venture. My blog for me is like a pressure release; your blog maybe more educational or entertaining whatever your niche is do it. Understanding your truth about yourself and going after it is just amazing, and I guarantee you that you would be so happy it’s ridiculous and people who are miserable around your will either help and strive for theirs or move on to someone else who is just as miserable.

Basically, when it comes to starting a blog you need to know what outcome you want people to get from your post, be passionate about it, and most importantly be prepared to put in the work. A blog is not something that can be setup and started in 30 mins if you are serious about it. I treat my blog like my job because presently it is a venture that I am interested in. But the content I post is true to myself and they are topics that I know a lot about rather its something from my past or present. Hope you guys enjoyed that venting session and don’t be discouraged be determined and focused.

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5 Goals for a Successful Relationship: 1. Communication, 2. Time, 3. Shared and Separate Interest, 4. Common Goals, and 5. Emotional Investment

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So, you’re in a relationship you really like this person and they could possibly be the one, you hope… but something is not right you’re always arguing and at times you feel as though you hate their guts and a good smack up against the head would be delightful. So why not just leave? The moment you try to step out of the door something always stops you, this my friend is a connection that you just can’t explain, and it compels you to stay. Now you must give this relationship at least one more try with your full attention and investment, but you don’t know what to work on. Being that I have been in a relationship with the same person for over 10 years, I can give some insight. And let me tell you the relationship started as if we were getting a divorce but luckily, we were smart enough to know something was wrong and that we wanted to work on it, so we talked it out and here we are 10 years later. Now the advice that I’m about to give is not something that can be done overnight and/or zap it’s all fixed; these are things that will take some time, patience, and most importantly understanding. So, let’s get started. The first thing you need to be mindful of is your communication with one another.
Being able to understand each other’s mind state is great knowledge for communication. In other words, if you and your partner are in an argument and suddenly one of you gets so flustered that you can’t speak or one of you are almost to the point where things are about to get a lil physical, STOP. This is where you want to make sure that you are aware of your spouse’s state of mind, de-escalating things beforehand by taking a step back, breath, and evaluate the situation. Even if you must pause the disagreement for a couple of moments for each of you to possibly write down what it is that is currently bothering you and what you would like from your partner as a possible resolution. Remember communication is not just for you to get your point across and that’s the end of the conversation, it’s a gateway for you to understand how your spouse thinks and operates as well as them understanding you in the same context. Now of course you are not going to agree on everything and you will have to make some compromises on both sides…let me repeat that last part. YOU BOTH WILL HAVE MAKE COMPROMISES FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. That is just a fact, but even some of the things that you dislike may over time be something that you may enjoy. For example, I love veggies and fruit, him on the other hand not so much, but over time with me introducing vegetables with dinner, constantly eating it around him and asking him to just try it. Now he’ll eat a salad, asparagus, cauliflower and amongst others; it also helps that he is a fitness nut. He still isn’t thrilled but at least he can tolerate it better. And you never know, something that you dislike may become a passion. It’s also important to take interest in things that excite one another, something that you each are passionate about. Remember when I stated that he was a fitness nut well me not so much. I hate the pain that you’re in, thinking about the pain that you’re going to be in from exercising, and the extreme pain from the next day, but as the years have gone by and I have looked at my body and the things that I have put in it, all that has changed. Now I am also a fitness nut more so on the things that my body consumes; still I work out because I want that bomb.com body now that my son is about to be two and I’ll be in my 30s before I know it. So be interested in what each other is saying it really does count.
Now that you got the communication down its time to put in…well… time. A relationship is like a job or a hobby that you are interested in, you must put in the time to get things right. Make it a priority of being together. Yes, I know you are like most people, you wake up, you go to work, you have a little social time, you come home, possibly cook, clean, or want that alone time to just relax and before you know it’s time for bed. You may even be too exhausted for any sexual activity (maybe…or you have no worries… but wait until kids come into the picture, those with kids understand) and bam you wake up and do it all over again. Now guess what, here is where the nagging as some men would call it or some women if you have that awesome guy who likes to spend time comes in. Each of you are so exhausted and worked up you can’t seem to fathom why your so upset and angry. Let me ask you this, do you have set time where it’s all about each other and to discuss why you’re in a relationship in the first place? Or do you have the set time such as date nights every week? If so, are you in such a routine that now date night even sucks? Well just like your job or hobby where you’re constantly doing and trying new things to perfect your craft, those same rules apply to your relationship. You have to understand as you get older your interest changes just as your partner’s does so in this case try something new, instead of dinner and a movie try horseback riding, going to a gun range (yes a lot of chicks dig that), spend the night at a fancy hotel as if your cheating on your partner with your partner, role play meeting each for the first time in public places, go to wine tastings, make your own beer, or a cooking class, something that is outside of the norm but that one or both of you are interested in doing. This in turn will keep the excitement and may also just turn on that excitement juice for some of you couples out there who may be in a dry spell. Remember time matters, you don’t want to look back on what you should’ve done when you can look at what you can do now.
Now that you got the communication going and your time on point…LOL it’s the perfect time for your shared and separate interest. Your shared interest is great to incorporate into spending time together and your separate interest is for when you have time apart. Yes, I know I said spend time together, but you also need that time apart as well, it’s just as important. Now that doesn’t mean you have to be apart from each other days and weeks at a time but let’s be real you need enough time by yourself to know yourself. How are you going to know if there is something that interest you if you never have time to think for yourself? Let’s be real say for instance for an entire week every waking moment someone has been around whether it was at work, at home, the car ride anywhere, etc. Now when you go on date night or in the company of others the moment things start to get a little boring you start… DAYDREAMING of things you could or want to be doing. Now are you thinking back to the time your mind started drifting and you don’t know what that person said it’s because you didn’t have adequate time to yourself to just think. This time away allows you think and have a different perspective on things that may have been giving so many troubles and for some reason you just couldn’t get it at the time, it’s basically allowing yourself and mind to reset and be prepared mentally and physically. Let me be clear, you don’t need that much time maybe a couple of hours or a day to yourself where no one is bothering you, and you can enjoy your favorite show with a glass of wine or a little online shopping, whatever you do that you can detox from the world is a good thing. Some of you already have a system, if you are like me working on my lunch break I break in my car, alone or I take a day about once a month just to myself and then I’m good, I can run like it’s no ones’ business.
Now that you have mastered the other steps it’s time to make sure you have common goals. Obviously, you are going to make sure that you and your partner are working towards the same goals in life. What I mean by that is, maybe you’re not married, and you want to make sure that you work out the major kinks before you take that big step and make your relationship official before friends, family, and religion (if that applies to you), gets in the way. Or maybe you both want to live together, now you must decide apartment, house, décor, and location. It could be that one of you is going back to school. If everything is fine the way, it is then what are the long-term goals? Now you see why I said communication, time, shared and separate interest are all important, because at this point this can make or break many relationships. Even if you have mastered everything else but your goals are completely different this can be the straw that broke the camel’s back, or it can be a new horizon for your relationship. Who says that you must give up on love just because your goals are different, it may just be that it’s not the right time for each other. Right person just wrong time, but if that urge, that feeling, that knot you get when your apart from each other for too long overwhelms you then you my friend are emotionally invested which leads to my last point.
Being emotionally invested means that you have given your all and now is the time to put those COMPROMISES in place, to communicate to each other how you feel about your goals and interest, list the pros and cons and take in your partners concern. My readers if you can make it through all these steps I promise you that your relationship will succeed and if it doesn’t then it wasn’t the right person because their interest or goals may not have been the same as yours. In relationships you will take a loss, but you will always be a winner with the person you were meant to be with. Yes, it is a lot of work but so is just living every day. Being yourself is a lot easier than trying to conform to someone that you are not just because you are in love with the idea of the person and not the person themselves…there’s a difference. It’s going to be hard but so is working for a company or doing a hobby. I don’t think you were just awesome-sauce when you first started, you had to pick up some skills and work at it and continue your craft, well the same is true with relationships you must keep at it and try. I know that maybe a lot of information to take but so is taking in someone else’s life and merging it with your own to make this wonderful power couple. So gradually working on these five goals of 1. Communication, 2. Time, 3. Shared and Separate Interest, 4. Common Goals, and 5. Emotional Investment, your relationship will thrive and other will just envy your happiness.

Thanks for reading…SimplyBetty101