Category: Motherhood

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“Is He Helping You On Your Way Or In Your Way?”

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Being in a marriage often times leaves a person in self doubt or who am I mode.  And typically it seems to be the woman or if your that rare unicorn the less dominating person in the relationship.  Now I know there are strong women out there who just know off the back that they are the dominating person but there are a lot of instances where women will take a backseat in the relationship.  And before we know it that firecracker of a personality is now allowing the man to be a man in public and behind doors just to hold to that relationship.

The fear of scaring a man a away runs deep psychologically and without failure. I do believe that because we’ve conscientiously have pictured this ideal family and in order to keep that picture we must play the part.  Think about it, how many failed relationships did it take for you to say okay maybe it’s not them it’s me and I doing too much.  Granted some of us do take it too far and have a tendency to blow things out of proportion.  But the older you get the more things that use to set you off now doesn’t even phase you.   Well same is true about marriages/relationships.  Example, say for instance that having a dirty house rather it’s a minor mess or massive, irritates you to the core.  But over the years you have allowed the mess to pile up and clean it without a fuss.  Or a more drastic example, you had dreams and ambitious before you met your husband and literally put it on the back burner or changed your dream so that he can pursue his first.  Some of us have become stay at home moms, housewives, or taken a lesser job because we didn’t finish school or got to start that company idea we were sitting on.  How often have men taken a backseat to allow their partners to shine?

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but in my opinion women do tend to be more passive in relationships just to make them last longer.  Of course, there are those special unicorns out there where the roles are reversed but I’m talking about as whole female population.  Now with that passive survival on, we tend to allow our inner beauty or inner flower to not flourish and deem.  In some cases, wither and die.   That’s why in so many divorce or major breakup cases afterwards women tend to go on a spiritual, an awakening, get my groove back journey to find ourselves again.  You know, the get the old me back, phase.  Men not so much, they tend to just go on as if that was just a phase and take the breakup harder later on.  Why women on the other hand tend to take it hard at the beginning.  I believe that is so because of the foresight we have or the ideology of the relationship we had is now gone.  Yes, it does tend to take men longer to realize the bigger picture of a woman’s worth.  Hence, why those songs were created in the first place.

Now after i said all of that I do believe that now women are becoming more and more in-tune with themselves regardless of their relationship status.  And with that growing flower, are finding out if their spouses are up to the task.  Women can do it all, I mean except the part about raising a man to be a man.  I do believe that a man can do that better.   But we are still doing it and crushing it at the same time.  Times are changing and women are at the forefront of the action.  Not allowing any man spouse, partner, child, father, or friend to slow us down.  We are realizing that our goals and dreams do matter and we want them to become a reality.  Now if that means leaving some people behind and so be it.  The best advice that I received and has stuck with me over the years is, “If they are not helping you be on your way. Then they are in your way.”

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90/10 Rule of Children

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Now by no means am I a psychologist nor a child guru but I do have a lot of experience with children. And I believe that children have a sense of how to drive their parents crazy by the time they form a brain in the womb. My baby knew every time I laid down to go to sleep and would start kicking and tossing just to drive me crazy. And it doesn’t stop there, the older they get the more nerves they hit. I have a toddler and at times I feel I have mission prone child that’s out to get me.

I don’t know what it is about my child and how I think but that dude has a vendetta out on things going smoothly in our lives. It’s like he can read my mind and be like okay I got you mom, I’m going to do the opposite. Think about it, every time you plan your evening out hoping to have a quiet relaxing evening when they lay down for a nap. BAAM, sugar rush and your child has never heard of such non-sense. A nap when did they invent that. Not today mommy not today. Or when you become overly prepare for the last 10 trips because you just know something is going to go wrong and you have to lug around all this extra baggage then nothing happens. But the second you say oh they have been doing so well and I’m only going to be gone for less than a hour. Then what do you know all hell breaks loose. And it’s usually within 10 minutes of leaving the house.

Let’s not get started about the potty training. Let me say just for the record, you mothers out there stating that it is so easy to potty train your little one must have missed all of the blowouts, wet floors, wardrobe malfunctions, and other unspoken chaos. Yes, it is funny now that it is over but when dealing with it in the moment it is literally the scariest confusing thing. Oh my the of a blow out at any given moment. Literally have you questioning what in the world did they eat and how much of it. Don’t let a lot of these YouTube videos fool you. Every child is different. But there is a glimmer of hope.

That wonderful 10% when they are angels and perfect in every way. From their cute little giggles, to the way the pronounce new words, to their best behaving selves (when their asleep). It’s nothing like looking into those big beautiful eyes knowing that you created a miracle and precious child. And the thought of going gansta behind someone if they try your child. The mere thought of any harm coming to them sends chills down your spine and you have to shake back into the moment. And to tell you the truth that 10% literally outweighs that 90% of pure torture all day everyday. And I love it just like every other parent who looks at their child with promise and encouraging eyes.

Yes, having children is trying and 90% of the time you are going to want to pull your hair out and scream. But that 10% is a magical thing to experience. Not only are you seeing it with your eyes but you are also feeling it in your soul. Connections with people are beautiful and the connection of parents to children is even more exciting. If you every wonder when something is happening and you just know it’s going on in that moment or that it has crossed your child’s mind and you stop it . That is pure connection people and it is a powerful thing.

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Inside Thoughts: My Personal Entry 1

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So I think something is mentally wrong with me. I have the nate desire to protect and be overbearing of my family. For some reason I have these visions or visual dreams of all types of bad things that can happen to my family. Especially, for the men, my son and husband. In this world the thoughts of what can happen can be so scary and horrific to the point that it will scare one to stay in doors at all times. But when the mind plays tricks on you even your home becomes a scary domain.

So to combat this fear I pray. I simply just pray the visions away and the bad drama that can occur. I do believe in the law of attraction, therefore, thinking that something terrible can happen will allow something to happen. And I’m just not up for that, I cannot handle the possibilities. So I pray the thoughts away and replace them with great thoughts of old age and happiness. Thoughts of wealth within and outward no matter the economic status.

So for every dark dream or vision, I replace each with the double vision of happiness and what is to come. Without giving doubt that the happiness will prevail and put the horrible visions far out of my mind. Preparing for when they come back. If even a small hint of darkness creeps up, I just pray and redirect my thoughts.

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Toddler’s Season

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I’m a toddler that has the attention span like the wind.

One minute I’m here and the next second I’m there and then back here again.

But I’m loving and warm like a summer breeze but can be cold and annoying like a winter blizzard.

Like the spring and autumn seasons I can pour in with the tears of sadness because I’m hurt or tears of laughter.

But like the flowers of sunshine you love to see me bloom and fill the air with sweetness.

Like the year round seasons I go through my transitions sometimes in day. But we both know you can’t do without me.

You love everything about me as I love you. You come running when you hear me howling. And you caress and carry me from the boogeymans that try to haunt and hurt me.

I will always be there as you will as well until our seasons are permanently over. When the Angel’s of the beautiful sky calls us home to our resting place.

We will no longer go through seasons, just pure joy of a perfect sunshine. Until the end of never ending time.

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Black Parent’s Fear: Raising a Child in America Part 2

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It’s a beautiful day today, maybe we should have a cookout in the park.  My 6’3″ husband with his sexy dark chocolate skin and shoulder length dreads put our more handsome dark almond son in his seat.  I pack the food and everything we would need into our car nevermind the make and model, it shouldn’t be important.  Or should it?  Because I’m also slightly tall standing at 5’7″ with almond long legs.  I know that beautiful bundle of joy that I carried for 40 weeks is a target.  I can’t help but fear for him every time he is out of my sight.  Just like I know my husband’s mother probably shouldn’t worry about both of her tall sons but in the back of her mind she does.  It’s strange to me know knowing the biggest fear I had in life was having a son.  And even though I can’t live without him the fears and anxiety I have about his future is very real.

Everyday I turn on my phone and there it is on my social media timelines about someone being attacked or killed for the color of their skin.  All because of the assumption that the opposite race had of them.  What has become of America?  Has it always been this violent and we as people didn’t have much light shed on it because of social media?  Is it a curse and a blessing to have so much information at our fingertips?  But what if we didn’t have the resources?  Would the danger still be this real or we just more oblivious to it?  I can’t help but wonder is there a better place in the world to raise a brown skin family?

No I don’t want my son living in a world where so much hatred exist for other human beings as if no one’s life matters but our own.  He’s a toddler now and everyday I question my thoughts on how to explain race issues and when.  When would it be a good time to sit my handsome son down and explain to him what is going on in this world and to be mindful of his surroundings at all times?  Questions such as, should I wait till he experiences this issue or will that be too late for his precious life.  The mere thought of living life without my child or worst having to bury him before my time is up is horrifying.  No parent should have to worry about these things at any point in their lives.  Only the thoughts of proms, graduations, weddings, and every other exciting milestone should be in a parents thought.  The fact that I have anxiety attacks that send me to my knees in pray whenever my husband leaves the house is no good for my health nor thoughts.  But this is America.

I know if I constantly think in this way then I have allowed those who try to insert fear and supremacy into people’s lives win.  But if I don’t think about the possibilities then I am just as a fool who thinks that nothing bad could happen to them.  I do believe in law of attraction, therefore, I do think about old age and prosperity anytime those evil thoughts creep into my mind.  I also think about alternatives to those horrible events to the point that I pray instantly and think of a better outcome.   So all hope is not lost and I know that my son will have a better future in America but for those that have and will go through tragedy.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to keep moving.

 

Thanks…SimplyBetty101

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A Prayer For My Precious Son

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In today’s society there is a lot of concern and uncertainty.  Especially when one brings life into the world.  The amount of worry and anxiety a mother has when your child is out of eye sight can be a burden in itself.  So any time I start getting that worrisome feeling and anxiety starts to build, I just say a little prayer.  

I pray to you Lord to cherish my son.  To wrap your arms around him.  To shield him from the hurt and dangers of the world.  To cover him in your blood.  To hug him close to your bosom.  To cover him in your garment, to keep him safe.  Cherish his ideas and innocence.

To show compassion towards those around him.  To allow him to be a vessel of your word.  To be an example of what a better person should be.  To keep his mind, heart, and soul in your grace.  To give great guidance and spiritual healing to those around him.  To inspire others and be pro life.   In Jesus name I pray…Amen.   

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Parent’s Fear: Raising a Child In America Part 1

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Everyday fears start to form the moment of known conception for any parent, especially mothers’.  Women are known for having their minds wonder to dark and scary places of the world. For some people dangers of the world are always outside and in public places until they realize it can also be at home.  No one wants to think that any harm can come to their children when they are there monitoring them and watching for noticeable dangers.  But what about those that are unseen?

For instance, it’s a good day to go to the amusement park in your area.  It’s a good way to relax and get some of that childhood thrill in with your kids.  So you’re there having fun, playing games, riding on rides, and all of suddenly blink.  The day is over and it’s time to head home.  No threats, no worries, just pure fun with family.  But what if we rewind the day and go back to when you were reaching to get a snack for your 8-year-old and turned around and all of suddenly blink.  Their gone, and you look slowly back and forth for a half of second, nothing.  Now panic starts building up as you call their name and no answer.  Even more panic and now frantic because there is no answer just people walking by looking past you and unnoticed to your concern.  You frantically scan each passing face near and far, no , no, no.  With each no to your child’s face you go into a full-fledged panic attack and now it’s a horror show.

You scream, only now has others started paying attention and coming to your aid.  The local security and police are there to help you, as well as concerned citizens.  As you describe what your child is wearing, your brain does something miraculous.  It starts to remember things that you were unaware of or thought it was of no significance.  Who was around and what they too were wearing, if there were any strangers that rubbed you the wrong way, the last time you actually had contact with your child and what they were doing.  Your heart is beating so fast and pumping so much blood to your brain and making your adrenaline rush to the point now you’re in full fledge predator and protective mode.  But the nightmare has already begun to sink in.  Instead of a pleasant day at the amusement park it has now turned into an amusement nightmare.  The impure thoughts of what is happening to your child, and how they feel, can send anyone into a complete breakdown and shock.

The impure thoughts of what is happening to your child, and how they feel, can send anyone into a complete breakdown and shock.  You’ve seen the news on tv and have heard the horror stories of child victims on social media and TV.  Every possible heinous act that you can think about comes into mind.  These thoughts make the tears just uncontrollable and the blame game sets in.  You start thinking about ways or things that you would’ve done differently that would have prevented this from happening to you.  You even blame yourself for judging other parents that have been through similar situations and mock them on how they didn’t watch their children closely enough.  But you have to remember, fear and what ifs will not bring your child home.  According to Child Watch of North America, An estimated 800,000 children are reported missing each year – more than 2,000 children every day.  An estimated 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before age 18. Yet, only 1 in 3 will tell anyone.

It is dangerous and scary to raise a child in America or even the world today.  But one must keep going forward.  No one is recommending that your child stays locked up until your death.  Everyone knows that children will have to learn to be independent and capable of taking care of themselves.  Are their ways to help prevent such horrible fates for yourself and your children?  Of course, there are plenty of technology out there that can help you monitor your children when they are not around.  Not to mention the damsel kits that can be used when your child is too far from you, https://damselindefense.net/ .  At the rate of America, you would think to just lock your children in the house and never let them out because you never know who will harm your child.  Will it be the trusted daycare associate, the family man neighbor, the coach, the priest at your church, the child you constantly gets bullied at school, or the genocide maniac gun owner at a concert.

The truth is you never know and you must keep watch and teach children how to cope and deal with the dangers of the world.  No one wants to be scared to leave their house everyday.  People should be able to go out and enjoy life while being cautious and aware of their surroundings.  Being prepared, is better than thinking it can never happen to me, because as the saying goes, “you never say never.”  Remember the moment your children can understand certain things it is better to start talking to them about the dangers of the world.  Please do not allow the world to raise and teach your children everything.  Yes, the world is beautiful and amazing but there are hidden dangers everywhere.

 

For more information visit http://childwatch.org/home.html

Child Watch, in cooperation with The Federal Bureau of Investigation Tampa Bay Citizens Academy Alumni Association promotes the FBI’s Child ID App.

The (FBITBCAAA) is a community-based and supported organization that promotes a safer community through outreach and educational events, with emphasis on the mission and leadership role the FBI takes in protecting our communities and nation. The FBITBCAAA is a non-profit organization and is separate and distinct from the FBI.


https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/fbi-child-id/id446158585?mt=8

Copy and paste the above website link to download the FBI’s Child ID App on your smartphone.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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Potty Training: Helpful Hints

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So you think your little one is ready to be potty trained or you may just be tired of buying diapers and pull-ups because their so  expensive.  Either way you want your little one to be more independent and go to the restroom.  Well, if your reading this then yes you are ready but ask yourself this question, is your little one ready?  Here are some helpful simple hints and suggestions that will help you both.

  1. When to potty train
    1. if your child can speak pretty well; tell you what they want and can understand what you are saying
    2. if your child can hold it for long periods of time; if you notice that their diaper/pull-up is mostly dry all day and night and you’re not changing them that often
    3. if your child is constantly curious about their private area especially noticing when they go or right after
    4. and my favorite, if your child is constantly taking off their diaper/pull-up especially after they go

If you answered most of these with a yes, then your child is definitely ready to be potty trained

  1. How to potty train; a list of several ways
    1. Time It Method- some children can be potty trained on a schedule especially if they have a regular schedule on day-to-day basis.  Some children excel with a consistent schedule.
    2. Naked Method- some children like mine need a different approach; if your child is constantly having accidents with their big boy/girl undies on then maybe the naked method will help.  Some children do not know the difference between diaper/pull-up and undies.  So letting them roam free around the house will help.  It also gets them to understand the que of uh oh I got to go.
    3. Potty Song- some children like to be excited or may learn better through song.  There are plenty of potty training songs online or you can remix their favorite song into a potty song.
    4. Reward Method- this is a very popular method to get children to go to the potty.  Some children are excited to go especially when they know there is a reward for going.
    5. Communication Method- this one requires patience and good old talking.  If you constantly remind your child about going to the restroom and take them regularly basis.  You can even do this by explaining to your child about going to the restroom and why.  You will be surprised about how much your child actually understands.  Especially, if you have been using communication to explained things to them at an early age.

Here are some things that you will need when potty training your little

  1. Patience
  2. Consistency
  3. Plenty of fluids; apple juice and water works best
  4. Paying attention
  5. Non comparison
  6. Cleaning products; especially if you have carpet

Please do not get discourage just because your friend’s child was potty trained in 3 days or a week and your child is still getting the hang of it.  Each child is different and you should never compare your child to others.  They are unique in their own way.  Also another good tip is, children learn best from other children.  So if your child is having a little trouble, having them watch other kids go will help them want to go as well.  Remember they like to do as their friends are doing as well.  Don’t get frustrated and give up, you have to stay on this and eventually your child will be potty trained.  Just think of it this way no more money on diaper/pull-ups and also some daycare even charge less for potty trained kids.  So just  look at the bigger picture.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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To My Son: The Promises I Make to You

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As father’s day draws near and the day that you will once again be in my arms; I just wanted to take the time to write this. If over the years you feel discourage in my capabilities as a mother to you. Or you feel at any point I have failed you. Know that I did my best and most importantly I LOVE You more than anything the universe could ever offer me. Everything that I accomplished in life is nothing compared to bringing you into this world. Even though this world will do a lot of damage, please never give up and remember all the good things in life. Especially, those who truly love you… God and your parents. Yes, there will be times where you question everything in life. But I promise there is always light after the darkness. With that being said…

I will promise to do my best at all times to being a great parent to you.
I promise to provide you with what you need and strive for what you want.
I promise to be your backup when you are in the right and just.
I promise to guide you when you are lost.
I promise to protect your heart and soul from the evils of the world until you are strong enough to guard them yourself.
I promise to love you until the end of time.
I promise to give you the tools you need to survive and strive and conquer the world.

To my baby boy, my third pregnancy, my first born, to my blessing, I most importantly promise to be your mom.

Love Always,
Mom

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Pregnancy: The Mind Experience

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Being a mother is a wonderful experience and you can find plenty of blogs and post about the different challenges that comes with it. You can even spark an entire conversation with someone random about it. But what about pregnancy? Sure there are plenty of blogs and posts and books about the physical changes and what to expect, but what about the mental? For women and men both it can be a challenging concept to wrap your mind around. So I thought I would share some insights.

Now if you are one of those women who have always dreamed about kids and are planning everything down to when to get pregnant and with whom then this too can be of some use. Society just assumes that once a woman becomes pregnant that we can deal with it and keep going. But in reality for a lot of woman there is a tug of war going on in our minds that is pulling in more than one direction. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I was in shock. Not just because I was pregnant but because this was the 3rd one and I only have one child. See I had two failed pregnancies before and I didn’t want to be too excited and I was completely and utterly sacred. All those what if questions started popping up in my head and I freaked out, mentally. Not to mention that after the second pregnancy I went into depression or postpartum depression and I didn’t seek help I just processed pain the best way I knew how, working and being alone.

See the first pregnancy took a lot out of me, though it is kind of funny story now. See when I found out I took 3 Clear Blue pregnancy test, all which literally said pregnant, called the my doctor’s office for her to tell me that this is one of the most accurate test on the market, and that I’m actually pregnant. To me telling my future (now) husband and seeing his face of shock just like mine. To me jumping into my truck, driving 4 hours back home to my parents for the next 3 days. To me getting there telling my mother first who was ecstatic, until she saw my face. Then going to an abortion clinic to get tested, only to have the lady hand me a piece of paper that said, “EDD 4/14/2014.” At which point I asked her what did “EDD” mean, she said the most dreaded words I would’ve ever heard, EXPECTED DUE DATE. And finally me going into shock. I didn’t hear anything after that. I was terrified, no mortified that my life was about to change drastically and I wasn’t ready.

See I was the girl growing up who helped my parents out with my younger siblings, all which are boys and so damn bad, at that time. So I said to myself and God, that I didn’t want kids. And when I met my now husband he also had the same goals. I wanted to travel and go out and do whatever I wanted. I was getting my masters, working, and was living very comfortably. Both of us were. Not only was I not mentally ready, neither was my body. Soon after that I was sick as a dog. I mean throwing up, always nauseous even before I would get out of bed. I just felt awful, not to mention the questions running in my head….

How on earth did this happen?
Am I really about to be a parent?
Would I suck at it?
Is the next 18 years of my life really going to suck?
Can my spouse handle it?
Will I be a single parent?
Can I afford to be a parent?

All kinds of questions were going through my head and then the moment I started to feel just a smeggit of excitement and announce it on social media to family and friends, the unthinkable happened. Right at 12 weeks my body rejected the pregnancy, my little girl. I was heart-broken. Yes, it was tough to wrap my head around being pregnant and giving birth and of course my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be but I was going to do it and commit not matter the outcome. And to have it taken away was devastating. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even give my body time to heal. Literally, 3 days after getting a D and C I was back at work and school. Throwing myself into whatever it was I was doing before I got pregnant. My thought was, that God was telling me I wasn’t ready and to get myself together, no biggy. And then 2 months later I miscarried again.

The difference this time, the week I found out I was pregnant is also the same week I miscarried and I was only about 4 weeks. Now what made this so traumatizing is the fact that I didn’t get another D and C done because I didn’t have the PTO and time to do it and we (my doctor and I) thought I would just passed the fetus through my cycle. Boy were we wrong, see I miscarried either late December or first few days January. I took the Pitocin pills to induce labor around my cycle to passed at home. But I went into labor in April. Yes, months after it was all over and done, so we thought, I went into labor at home in the middle of the night. The contractions were unreal. Now I know some of you are going to say maybe you got pregnant again and didn’t know it. Well according to tests, ultrasounds, etc they all showed otherwise. It was later found that it was the fetus of my second pregnancy. See my fetus never came out during my cycle in January and after that night my cycles were off the chain. I mean going into mini labors and pushing tissue out on the last couple of days, off the chain. I had to eventually get another D and C done, and this is what broke me mentally.

I said all this to explain that I was mentally spaced/checked out. I literally went into depression. It was not a safe place. I questioned everything…

How can I, a woman, given that the sole purpose of a woman’s body on God’s green Earth, not carry a child?
Is this punishment for stating that I didn’t want any?
How can I be with a man if eventually he may want kids? And I can’t provide that?
Is this a sign showing that I am an unfit mother?
Would I even consider being married?
Am I wasting my life away?
Am I wasting his life and time being with him?
Will another woman come along and show me up/out?
Are we suppose to be together?
Did I miss some opportunity?
Is it because of this cervical cancer overhead?
Is it because I had cervical surgery prior to the first pregnancy?
Should I even exist if I can’t bear children/child?
What is it? I’m so lost and alone.

People don’t realize that some of simplest things to them are terrifying to others. And I’m pretty sure each woman who has ever been pregnant has had some type of anxiety attack in their heads about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, postpartum, the list goes on. I know some reading this may say, “well how is it that women can talk about everything else but not topics like this?” Well simple, no one wants to be the first at being a Debbie-downer or party pooper, why would I ruin someone else’s day with my problems that I can fix on my own. And the truth is we can’t always be that strong person all the time. Where would that help come from? Me personally I didn’t want to go to some group therapy and talk about my experience with other women who also were having problems the same as mine. I don’t like letting people see me that vulnerable. I don’t like letting the outside world looking into my thoughts and personal feelings. I am not just a book or someone’s note session, but I will admit that can be a downfall. No, I didn’t talk to a therapist but I did talk to my spouse and close friends who also had the same experiences. I found out that I wasn’t alone if I would’ve at least tried talking to them first before shutting everyone out. But I do understand that everyone isn’t as supportive as you would like and it is a delicate situation. But it can have a devastating effect on yourself and those around you. So seek help before you seek the end.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

Postpartum depression
Also called: PPD

Requires a medical diagnosis
Symptoms might include insomnia, loss of appetite, intense irritability, and difficulty bonding with the baby.
People may experience:
Mood: anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or panic attack
Behavioral: crying, irritability, or restlessness
Psychological: depression, fear, or repeatedly going over thoughts
Whole body: fatigue or loss of appetite
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: insomnia