Tag: children

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90/10 Rule of Children

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Now by no means am I a psychologist nor a child guru but I do have a lot of experience with children. And I believe that children have a sense of how to drive their parents crazy by the time they form a brain in the womb. My baby knew every time I laid down to go to sleep and would start kicking and tossing just to drive me crazy. And it doesn’t stop there, the older they get the more nerves they hit. I have a toddler and at times I feel I have mission prone child that’s out to get me.

I don’t know what it is about my child and how I think but that dude has a vendetta out on things going smoothly in our lives. It’s like he can read my mind and be like okay I got you mom, I’m going to do the opposite. Think about it, every time you plan your evening out hoping to have a quiet relaxing evening when they lay down for a nap. BAAM, sugar rush and your child has never heard of such non-sense. A nap when did they invent that. Not today mommy not today. Or when you become overly prepare for the last 10 trips because you just know something is going to go wrong and you have to lug around all this extra baggage then nothing happens. But the second you say oh they have been doing so well and I’m only going to be gone for less than a hour. Then what do you know all hell breaks loose. And it’s usually within 10 minutes of leaving the house.

Let’s not get started about the potty training. Let me say just for the record, you mothers out there stating that it is so easy to potty train your little one must have missed all of the blowouts, wet floors, wardrobe malfunctions, and other unspoken chaos. Yes, it is funny now that it is over but when dealing with it in the moment it is literally the scariest confusing thing. Oh my the of a blow out at any given moment. Literally have you questioning what in the world did they eat and how much of it. Don’t let a lot of these YouTube videos fool you. Every child is different. But there is a glimmer of hope.

That wonderful 10% when they are angels and perfect in every way. From their cute little giggles, to the way the pronounce new words, to their best behaving selves (when their asleep). It’s nothing like looking into those big beautiful eyes knowing that you created a miracle and precious child. And the thought of going gansta behind someone if they try your child. The mere thought of any harm coming to them sends chills down your spine and you have to shake back into the moment. And to tell you the truth that 10% literally outweighs that 90% of pure torture all day everyday. And I love it just like every other parent who looks at their child with promise and encouraging eyes.

Yes, having children is trying and 90% of the time you are going to want to pull your hair out and scream. But that 10% is a magical thing to experience. Not only are you seeing it with your eyes but you are also feeling it in your soul. Connections with people are beautiful and the connection of parents to children is even more exciting. If you every wonder when something is happening and you just know it’s going on in that moment or that it has crossed your child’s mind and you stop it . That is pure connection people and it is a powerful thing.

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Struggles of Adulthood

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What I don’t understand is that people have the preconceived notion that once a person turns 18 years of age they are now adults and can make rational adult decisions. I’m sorry to break it to society but a person who has only been in the world for less than 20 years cannot make correct adult decisions.

For example, college financial aid and career choices. Society really expects young adults who have never filled out an financial document before in their lives to then undergo a big financial risk of applying for student loans without the full understanding of the total impact it can have on their future. As well as select a profession that they will endure for the rest of their lives. You do see the downfall to this plan correct? There is no guidance to how to navigate adulthood until one has entered into their 20s and is force to learn hard knocks of life in order to survive until their 30s. So now people are spending their 30s correcting mistakes they did in their 20s, so that they can at least enjoy their 40s and so forth. Now I’m no mathematician but that is almost most of some of our lives creating and correcting debt that was accumulated because there is no concept of raising kids to be adults.

You always hear the notion let kids be kids, but where is the underline of teaching kids to become functioning adults who can make correct decisions. Now I could get into the aesthetics of the billion dollar industry to keep people in debt so that the country can monetize off of it. But this is not a conspiracy chase blog and I’m not a conspiracy theory chaser. So with that being said wouldn’t it be a great idea to throw away half of the bull crap our public and private schools teach. Start with just teaching the basics then allowing a child to hone in on their skills to then conquer that into a profession. I mean how is it that we have so many smart and intelligent children but yet we are behind other countries and our teachings are lagging. Now I’m not blaming our teachers by any means, I know there is a stupid structure that is setup to 1. not paying teachers enough, 2. children are being rushed though, the no child left behind bull, 3. children are not challenged enough and not taken seriously, 4. teachers are stressed to the max because the statistics of children failing and having to deal with parents not understanding why their child is failing, 5. and if children are not performing and fitting into a box they are quickly shuffled off as being ADD/ADHD, which is just lazy.

So let’s just recap the struggles of people going into adulthood. First, kids are not taught or shown how to make adult decisions before they are thrown into the lion’s den. Second, the billion mistakes that are made in our 20s we will then spend the rest of our lives trying to correct. Finally, the system that is here to teach our children is seriously broken between the stressed out teachers, students, and parents. So as a parent I will definitely be picking up the slack that this North American school system has been lacking. Yes, parents should be teaching their kids anyway but we do know that everyone’s circumstances are different. So if your a parent just remember any lessons that can be taught to a child that can prepare them for the real adult life that is up ahead, please entrust them with that knowledge.

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Mars vs Venus : WHY DO YOU…?

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A mother wakes up, gets the kids ready for school, and gets herself ready for the day. Your spouse on the other hand wakes up and just thinks about themselves, no hand in getting ready. This is just an example that I have seen, I know not all men are like this. But I do question, why is it such an amazement that men who actually help with their kids get a trophy?

Wake up, men helped create the child even though the women are the easy bake ovens that carried them. And no I do not want to hear about how women are more nurturing than men and it’s in our DNA. I am a living breathing person just like a man and no I didn’t take a class on being a nurturing. It was taught to me either by example or what I wanted as a child growing up. Therefore, men should have that same concept of what it takes to be a parent. Now I do know that there are a lot of dad’s out there that are putting in unbelievable hours at being a parent and example. This is not bashing men but simply just an inquiry.

Please inform me at what point in life was it mandatory for women to just be the only nurturer? Was in biblical days, turn of the century, or was it just something that was molded over time? I would really love to know which is probably why I will be spending some time researching that aspect. But regardless, men are capable of being nurturing and compassionate. How do I know this, how did your spouse get you in the first place? Were they romantic in any kind of way? Did they do little things to show that they cared? Or did he just come in and sweep you off your feet?

If you answered yes to any of those or thought about any memory that put a smile on your face, then my dear that is proof that men are very capable. But because this notion has never been brought up in a argument or disagreement it has never been pointed out before. Men pay attention and take the time to invest in things that are their own interest. And a lot of times, women are their interest. So a man will say or do what he needs to get to the goal line or end zone. So with that being said they too can also put in the time and effort to assist more with the creations they helped to produce. Besides, it’s their sperm that starts this whole process anyway. I can have embryos in full cycle all I want but without that juice it’s going to do absolutely nothing.

Now to my ladies out there, stop accepting the least or society’s’ norm of a man’s role when it comes to the children. And while I am at it, housework as well. Please remember that it only applies to men who think that those roles are solely for the women. These are new times and people love being involved and making trends. So there are plenty of role models such as celebrities who are completely involved in their kids lives. I would advise to women, give ultimatum, drop hints, and/or act like you admire celebrities that your man respect who are actively in just about everything with their kids. Basically trick them, like you do to get other things out of him. It’s that simple and I guarantee the only people who will benefit more than anyone else, guess, no not the mother but the children.

SimplyBetty101

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Are They Entertained? Children Summertime

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As summer hits its midway mark and we have gotten into a groove.  I know as a parent I cannot wait until the school year begins again.  Since my little one is a toddler he will be going to daycare.  In the past he would just continue to go through daycare but because we moved across 2 states we want to give our wallets a breather.  So since getting our son back from his grandparents house the busy ness does not stop.  Along with his potty training our little one will be taking swimming lessons at our gym.  Which brings me to this blog topic today.

Since most parents work year round and only take vacations during the summer when the kids are out.  Which is why airfare and vacations are more expensive during this time of year.  One has to wonder, are we spending too much time and money trying to make sure that our kids are entertained and happy?  Also, will these be memories that they will be fond of?  In other words, are we as parents spending enough quality time vs quantity time with our kids?  Yes, I know we wish we could take more time and just let our inner kid come out and enjoy ourselves at least once a month.  But realistically due to economic importance.  We cannot.

In order to give our children the amenities that we didn’t have and to keep them happy.  We have to go to work and put in overtime.  Things have changed over the years of keeping children busy throughout the year.  When we were younger it was all about the summer vacation at grandma’s and grandpa or a week to a month with our older cousins.  Our parents were praising the heavens once a child became of age to babysit.  And this was with no pay.  As long as the house was not burned down and no one was hurt everything was okay.  Playing in the sun all summer was a sure way to tire your kids out.  Today it still is but there are modifications.

Thanks to perverts and people who just want to hurt children.  Parents now have to pay someone to watch their children at all times.  Our household uses grandparents, other family members for date-night, and the gym for when we go workout.  Granted that both of us work from home it is still difficult making sure that my son gets the maximum educational learning experience this year.  Not to mention the amount of food intake that now comes into play.  Usually, I will go all day without eating but since my son is back I now have to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  So I know parents with older children can’t wait until school starts back so the grocery bill can go down.  Along with your electricity bill, water bill, and gas bill for the house and car.

I can say that these summers are what kids live for just like parents who work Monday through Friday live for the weekend.  Just like we need a break from work children need a break from school.  Summertime is a perfect time for kids to showcase their creative skills more.  Think about it, instead of someone telling them what they can and cannot do and when to eat and use the restroom.  Children use down time to be creative and think for themselves to keep themselves entertained.  So instead of just randomly selecting something for your children to do all summer.  Try giving your child some freedom and let them explore their interest; they may just surprise you.  I mean what if your child is interested in art and portraits?  Then selecting a program where they take art classes may be better than just fun in the sun at a water park all day.  It may also cost less, more money in your pockets for those family vacations.

Well that is all for my thought today, thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Potty Training: Helpful Hints

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So you think your little one is ready to be potty trained or you may just be tired of buying diapers and pull-ups because their so  expensive.  Either way you want your little one to be more independent and go to the restroom.  Well, if your reading this then yes you are ready but ask yourself this question, is your little one ready?  Here are some helpful simple hints and suggestions that will help you both.

  1. When to potty train
    1. if your child can speak pretty well; tell you what they want and can understand what you are saying
    2. if your child can hold it for long periods of time; if you notice that their diaper/pull-up is mostly dry all day and night and you’re not changing them that often
    3. if your child is constantly curious about their private area especially noticing when they go or right after
    4. and my favorite, if your child is constantly taking off their diaper/pull-up especially after they go

If you answered most of these with a yes, then your child is definitely ready to be potty trained

  1. How to potty train; a list of several ways
    1. Time It Method- some children can be potty trained on a schedule especially if they have a regular schedule on day-to-day basis.  Some children excel with a consistent schedule.
    2. Naked Method- some children like mine need a different approach; if your child is constantly having accidents with their big boy/girl undies on then maybe the naked method will help.  Some children do not know the difference between diaper/pull-up and undies.  So letting them roam free around the house will help.  It also gets them to understand the que of uh oh I got to go.
    3. Potty Song- some children like to be excited or may learn better through song.  There are plenty of potty training songs online or you can remix their favorite song into a potty song.
    4. Reward Method- this is a very popular method to get children to go to the potty.  Some children are excited to go especially when they know there is a reward for going.
    5. Communication Method- this one requires patience and good old talking.  If you constantly remind your child about going to the restroom and take them regularly basis.  You can even do this by explaining to your child about going to the restroom and why.  You will be surprised about how much your child actually understands.  Especially, if you have been using communication to explained things to them at an early age.

Here are some things that you will need when potty training your little

  1. Patience
  2. Consistency
  3. Plenty of fluids; apple juice and water works best
  4. Paying attention
  5. Non comparison
  6. Cleaning products; especially if you have carpet

Please do not get discourage just because your friend’s child was potty trained in 3 days or a week and your child is still getting the hang of it.  Each child is different and you should never compare your child to others.  They are unique in their own way.  Also another good tip is, children learn best from other children.  So if your child is having a little trouble, having them watch other kids go will help them want to go as well.  Remember they like to do as their friends are doing as well.  Don’t get frustrated and give up, you have to stay on this and eventually your child will be potty trained.  Just think of it this way no more money on diaper/pull-ups and also some daycare even charge less for potty trained kids.  So just  look at the bigger picture.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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To My Son: The Promises I Make to You

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As father’s day draws near and the day that you will once again be in my arms; I just wanted to take the time to write this. If over the years you feel discourage in my capabilities as a mother to you. Or you feel at any point I have failed you. Know that I did my best and most importantly I LOVE You more than anything the universe could ever offer me. Everything that I accomplished in life is nothing compared to bringing you into this world. Even though this world will do a lot of damage, please never give up and remember all the good things in life. Especially, those who truly love you… God and your parents. Yes, there will be times where you question everything in life. But I promise there is always light after the darkness. With that being said…

I will promise to do my best at all times to being a great parent to you.
I promise to provide you with what you need and strive for what you want.
I promise to be your backup when you are in the right and just.
I promise to guide you when you are lost.
I promise to protect your heart and soul from the evils of the world until you are strong enough to guard them yourself.
I promise to love you until the end of time.
I promise to give you the tools you need to survive and strive and conquer the world.

To my baby boy, my third pregnancy, my first born, to my blessing, I most importantly promise to be your mom.

Love Always,
Mom

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Transitioning….?

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What if your transitioning into a new you whether it’s for work, new home, parenthood, or just phasing out if the party life. What is now the new norm for you? What else fun is there to do that is more your speed?

I’m currently going through that transitioning as I type this up. Now that I am married, a parent, and focused more on my career of being my own boss. Things that use to interest me just don’t do it for me anymore. The fact that I am more excited to buy decor and furniture for our new place than for me to go out and party, is way more exciting. Like a kid in a candy store excited. Going to family events and being in a calm environment that’s more controlled and stable is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I love a good turnup just like the next person but only on my own terms with like minded people as well. When you surround yourself with people that are also transitioning, you find that very similar bond and growth that you may just need. A support group. This also means new friends.

But if you can transition with those you have been friends with it can be an awesome feeling and experience. But if you can’t, don’t give up so easily. So just because you are now in a different space than those you cherish doesn’t mean you have to abandon them. Try coaching or encouraging them to get on your level or higher. You may be surprised at what you find. Sometimes people just need others to lead so that they can fall suit. Not all leaders start off as leaders and not all followers will stay followers.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

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Family Time: Values and Morals

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As I sit here thinking of things to talk about there is only one thing that comes to mind… my family. Most importantly my son and the values, morals, and life lessons of what will shape him to become a man one day. Though I have done some silly things in my twenties (not to give away my age… I’m still there barely) that I am currently trying to fix for the betterment of our lives. There are some things that were very beneficial to me and molding me to the person I am today.

Being a parent is a wonderful thing and a grand experience, but it can also be a terrifying one as well. Being responsible for a person that will have an impact on humanity in any kind of way is a scary thought. There are all kinds of what ifs and did I do it correctly that just come at you like a boulder. Sure, you think about getting your child into the best schools, raising them in the safest neighborhood that you can afford, giving them the luxuries that you never had growing up, and most importantly making sure you instill those main core values that a person would need to function in this world. In my previous blog Sour-Patch Kids: What Discipline Action Should Be Taken If Any? I touched about giving a child discipline through spanking and asked if it was a good idea? But in this blog, I want the subject to be a more fun and energetic vibe. Instead of asking questions, I will just go over some things that I do with my son and why I create that participation with him.

First, what is important to me when it comes to my son? And the answer to that question is simply… time. Spending time with my son in any kind of way is important, including the time apart. See this little person that developed and grew from conception until birth inside of me, must learn about the world in the best way I know how to teach him. Example, when we go to the zoo and see different animals that is a way for him to learn perception and exploration. Letting him know that the world is way bigger than what he sees daily and that his everyday characters that he sees on tv are inspired by real life animals. It also teaches him different vocabulary and restraint. See I have a toddler that is still developing verbal skills so exposing him to different aspects of the zoo where he can physically touch, smell, and interact with animals gets him excited to learn and see more. These trips and other fun activities are also considered bonding time together. This is also where body language is can be at its finest. Think about it, how many times have you been watching your child to then realize for some odd reason your child is about to make a mad dash somewhere, or about to fall and hurt themselves. It’s like you have a sixth sense of what is about to happen and how terrible it can be.

Being in public teaches your child control and restraint because at home lets face it they run everything or just with no boundaries and you’re not on edge as much. Same thing with playtime, all the important factors of life are taught and learned through your child’s playtime. It may seem small in your eyes right now but think about it. Your child can hit your nerves and your’re almost at your breaking point. But your child learns those subtle cues of I’m about to get in trouble let me stop. Or they smile with a grimace and instead test my parents… lol.
Let’s face it kids are in their learning stages from the moment they are born until the day they decide to completely learn on their own. So, to sum everything up I love the time I get with my child. It’s a learning experience for him that teaches him core values, morals, body language, importance of family, and a list of other things.

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Sour-Patch Kids: What Discipline Action Should Be Taken If Any?

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Is it me or do kids really act like those sour patch gummies you see in the commercial.  I mean one minute I’m so aggravated with my child either peeing on the floor after he sat on his pot for  20 minutes or throwing his food all over  the place after he is finish eating or my favorite smacking me in the head with one of those hot wheels.  But then something beautiful happens and all is forgiven that quickly.  As if there isn’t a puddle  or number 2 on the floors that you just mopped.  It’s like really really  hard to stay mad at him.  And then the chaos starts again.

What is it with children that they can sense at such an early age that mommy is  about to have a breakdown.  Now I do understand that not all kids have this sense or they do and just don’t care.  And to those moms I am truly sorry and just try to think of their sleep time to pass the time.  But to others that have those perfect little angels when mommy is sick or ill or just sick and tired of  yelling, please that feeling we get right when we’re about to explode  and somehow it disappears.  Or we  do  explode and your child has a completely different personality afterwards.  What is that feeling?  Because if  that feeling gets my child to act  right immediately afterwards every time I need  that 24/7.  I mean but why why do I have to get to that point before my child realizes okay mommy is about to explode for my child to act right.  I mean is this all apart of the test me I am terrible two stage.  And if so who in their wrong mind started it, I would love to talk to them personally.

Don’t get me wrong I love my little bundle to infinity and beyond but at times I want to old days were spankings weren’t against the law, not neccesarliy against the law but for those who just think it’s child abuse.  I mean I got them, of course I didn’t misbehave until I was older like most girls, and I turned out great.  I am a two-time college graduate, I didn’t have my child until I was 27 going on 28, and we’re in the process of buying a house and I will be married next month.  So in retrospect I think I did pretty good.  Now granted I didn’t do everything by the olden days book like get married, have kids, and stay at home with them.  Sorry I’m not that perfect.  But still at least some discipline was good.  Now I’m not saying child abuse, believe me perverts and wicked people there is a big, huge difference but some redirection would help.  Not all children learn discipline on the same level.  Think about, your child may learn from time outs while another may learn from getting toys, tv, and favorites taken away.  But what about those who don’t comprehend neither.  Should a good pop on the hands be such a bad thing if it gets that child to remember that if I do this particular thing then I will get popped on the hands.  And if that child doesn’t want to be popped then they won’t do it again?

Listen I may not be a psychologist or a child therapist but I do understand that all kids can’t be taught the same way.  For instance, my child doesn’t sit still for long periods of time not even 5 minutes unless it’s his favorite show and that doesn’t always work.  So time-outs are not going to work.  And I don’t want him to think that every time he acts up he is rewarded with his favorites.  And taking his toys hasn’t worked either because he hasn’t connected the misbehave and discipline because he is too young.  He has learned a lot from trail and error but I don’t want him to learn everything that way.  I mean there are just somethings he can’t learn that way, such as playing with a knife or scissors, electric socket, throwing the ball at a big screen tv mounted or sitting above him.  Or even trying to pet everyone’s dog or my favorite that everyone has dealt with, taking your child out of the car and before you can position them correctly they snatch and run towards traffic.  Even if you’re in a parking lot or garage, the shear fear that overcomes you in that moment will give you a heart-attack.  So in those moments how would you correct it?  Yelling at them won’t work, hell you do that on a daily basis in the house, store, car, and etc.  Of course, trying to scare them won’t work because I would imagine that some toddlers haven’t grasp the fear of everything just yet.  So in that instance would a pop on the hand or pull-up or bottom if your child is potty trained, help?

This is a topic that will never have a correct or wrong answer.  It will be debated until the end of time.  My discipline growing up went through stages, I would get grounded and have things taken away and I did get spankings growing up.  All which have shaped and molded me to the person I am today.  Now my fiancé didn’t get spankings he got more of the “I’m disappointed in you,” and he too has turned out just fine.  My cousins grew-up with trail  and error and all of us are either business owners, entrepreneurs, high status economically, or perfectly happy with life.  We all motivate each other to greatness and logically think about things with consequences before we act.  Are we perfect human beings?  Nope, we all had downfalls but those lessons that were taught growing up helped us.  So my point on it is, I’m not against it as long as it is done correctly, and I know not all children need that form of correction.  And while some children can function on a strict schedule there are those who like to throw schedules out of the window, like mine.  So trying to find a balance and trying different things doesn’t make you a bad parent it just means your trying to be the best parent you can possible be for your children.  There is no exact manual for children their all completely different individuals.  And their process of thinking is different, think about it.   I’m pretty sure you get upset when people group you and your siblings or someone you know in the same category all the time.  Even though would like to be treated and viewed as an individual, I can only imagine with twins and multiples.   That is where it is more evident to be your own person.

But I am interested in what you guys think so please comment below.  And if you are in a profession that help discipline children or correct a child’s mental capacity due to stupid and unnecessary abuse also comment.  Please try to see each other’s point of view because remember every child and person is different and should be treated as such.