Tag: Communication

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Empowerment of Women and Ourselves: You Deserve It Boo!!!!

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So I’m in a book club and the conversation about how women treat each other came up.  Basically, asking are you a bully or a protector? And most of us realized that we were taught to be tough either by strong female presence growing up or we fell victim to a strong female. We are all products of our environments and most of the time our environments are unintentionally teaching us to be mean girls.

For instance, for me growing up all I saw females being vindictive towards each other and seeing what pain we could inflict on each other. It wasn’t until my mom remarried and I actually got to see togetherness and empowerment from other women towards me.  Not to mention the unconditional love. As I went off to college I had to learn how to redefine what empowerment was not just for myself but to others around me.

It’s not easy to undo impressionable years of hate but with good intentions and better surroundings we can do anything we set our minds to.  Especially women, at times and throughout history we are the most mistreated beings on earth.  But also the most forgiving.  Remembering the pain and inflection that we went through.  It’s sad to see all the brokenness and struggle that we as women go through internally but it’s even more amazing to see the transformation.  The concept of being a better person or better woman in that matter it can be difficult.

I mean is it just me or does the universe intentionally try you when you’re trying to be a better woman.  It never fails every time I have a good talk or great women empowerment get togethers it’s like the universe says hold on ba boo-ski let me try your ratchet side.  And I have to do a countdown in my head to try and not snatch the woman who is trying me that day.  But hey we are all human and mistakes happen and we have to decide in that moment that we are better than that person trying to bring out the ratchetness in you.  But I’m trying and so should you.  Don’t let these crazies knock you off your horse and knock off your crown.  Be better, look better, act better, and know better because you are better and they are just jealous.  And we all know misery loves company.

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Love Dreams

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Love is beautiful,

Love is kind,

Love is vision,

And love is blind.

Love is life but love is death,

Love can make anyone feel their last breath.

Love is merciful,

Love can give meaning, but what is everyone’s love dreaming?

Love can easily be given,

But love can be taken away.

Love is weird,

We can’t help who it is.

Some would say that love can be evil,

Once opposites attract, oh Lord my dear.

Love is a language we try to understand,

But there are ones who cannot grasp love in their hands.

Love can be frightening, do you catch my drift?

Because without love we all will cease to exist.

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Mars vs Venus : WHY DO YOU…?

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A mother wakes up, gets the kids ready for school, and gets herself ready for the day. Your spouse on the other hand wakes up and just thinks about themselves, no hand in getting ready. This is just an example that I have seen, I know not all men are like this. But I do question, why is it such an amazement that men who actually help with their kids get a trophy?

Wake up, men helped create the child even though the women are the easy bake ovens that carried them. And no I do not want to hear about how women are more nurturing than men and it’s in our DNA. I am a living breathing person just like a man and no I didn’t take a class on being a nurturing. It was taught to me either by example or what I wanted as a child growing up. Therefore, men should have that same concept of what it takes to be a parent. Now I do know that there are a lot of dad’s out there that are putting in unbelievable hours at being a parent and example. This is not bashing men but simply just an inquiry.

Please inform me at what point in life was it mandatory for women to just be the only nurturer? Was in biblical days, turn of the century, or was it just something that was molded over time? I would really love to know which is probably why I will be spending some time researching that aspect. But regardless, men are capable of being nurturing and compassionate. How do I know this, how did your spouse get you in the first place? Were they romantic in any kind of way? Did they do little things to show that they cared? Or did he just come in and sweep you off your feet?

If you answered yes to any of those or thought about any memory that put a smile on your face, then my dear that is proof that men are very capable. But because this notion has never been brought up in a argument or disagreement it has never been pointed out before. Men pay attention and take the time to invest in things that are their own interest. And a lot of times, women are their interest. So a man will say or do what he needs to get to the goal line or end zone. So with that being said they too can also put in the time and effort to assist more with the creations they helped to produce. Besides, it’s their sperm that starts this whole process anyway. I can have embryos in full cycle all I want but without that juice it’s going to do absolutely nothing.

Now to my ladies out there, stop accepting the least or society’s’ norm of a man’s role when it comes to the children. And while I am at it, housework as well. Please remember that it only applies to men who think that those roles are solely for the women. These are new times and people love being involved and making trends. So there are plenty of role models such as celebrities who are completely involved in their kids lives. I would advise to women, give ultimatum, drop hints, and/or act like you admire celebrities that your man respect who are actively in just about everything with their kids. Basically trick them, like you do to get other things out of him. It’s that simple and I guarantee the only people who will benefit more than anyone else, guess, no not the mother but the children.

SimplyBetty101

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Thank You Notes/Cards: Are They Necessary?

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If you are reading this blog you’re wondering, why should you send out thank you cards for an event that you put together and paid for?  Well that question popped in my head as well after my wedding and after people were wondering why they haven’t received any 2 months after my big day.  And for some the answer is simple, yes, because it’s tradition.  But is there a deeper meaning to it than just tradition?  I mean who started this notion and why do I have to spend more money and time.  And the simple answer really is, think about those who actually took the time out of their busy schedules to help you celebrate your union, or whatever event it is that you are planning.

Think about it, all those who traveled near and far probably had better things to do then to go to a store, buy you a gift, get dressed, and come see your joyous occasion.  When I think back on my wedding my husband’s family stayed nowhere near where the wedding was taking place and not to mention I had relatives coming from the East and West coast via plane and car just to see a couple who had been together for 10 years already and created life.  It was a celebration for them as well as us.  Granted the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and hand write thank you cards with my horrible 7th grade handwriting.  But it makes one feel special when you thank them for anything that they do.  You never know how that person is feeling that day.  Beside my thank you notes I made sure to make up for the lack of penmanship and not remembering what everyone and who bought us something.  So therefore I included pictures from the big day of us, which I know some family members will enjoy.  Especially since I am horrible about keeping in contact with people throughout the year.  Yes, I know I am a horrible person.  I will get my life together and I’m working on it.

But just to give you a few pointers, once you open a gift make sure you write down who bought what.  This way each thank you note will be personalized.  Also if you know you are horrible with timing you can always have pre-made thank you notes, when someone gives a gift at the wedding they get a thank you note.  My cousin told me about that trick after my wedding was done.  Another way to remember thank you notes, is to have only electronic gifts.  Such as, Bed Bath and Beyond, Amazon, or whatever your favorite place to shop.  That way each registry tells you who bought it and it is delivered straight to your address.  This option also helps with addresses since everyone may not sign the guest book or have legible penmanship.  Of course, these methods do not apply to elders who are not tech savvy, so old-school it is.  Also there are ways you can send electronic thank you notes via email.  The point is, it is a tradition and thoughtful gesture.  Well I hope this helped you, remember your not sending thank you notes just to spend more money but to show gratitude to family, friends, and haters that helped you celebrate your occasion.

 

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Potty Training: Helpful Hints

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So you think your little one is ready to be potty trained or you may just be tired of buying diapers and pull-ups because their so  expensive.  Either way you want your little one to be more independent and go to the restroom.  Well, if your reading this then yes you are ready but ask yourself this question, is your little one ready?  Here are some helpful simple hints and suggestions that will help you both.

  1. When to potty train
    1. if your child can speak pretty well; tell you what they want and can understand what you are saying
    2. if your child can hold it for long periods of time; if you notice that their diaper/pull-up is mostly dry all day and night and you’re not changing them that often
    3. if your child is constantly curious about their private area especially noticing when they go or right after
    4. and my favorite, if your child is constantly taking off their diaper/pull-up especially after they go

If you answered most of these with a yes, then your child is definitely ready to be potty trained

  1. How to potty train; a list of several ways
    1. Time It Method- some children can be potty trained on a schedule especially if they have a regular schedule on day-to-day basis.  Some children excel with a consistent schedule.
    2. Naked Method- some children like mine need a different approach; if your child is constantly having accidents with their big boy/girl undies on then maybe the naked method will help.  Some children do not know the difference between diaper/pull-up and undies.  So letting them roam free around the house will help.  It also gets them to understand the que of uh oh I got to go.
    3. Potty Song- some children like to be excited or may learn better through song.  There are plenty of potty training songs online or you can remix their favorite song into a potty song.
    4. Reward Method- this is a very popular method to get children to go to the potty.  Some children are excited to go especially when they know there is a reward for going.
    5. Communication Method- this one requires patience and good old talking.  If you constantly remind your child about going to the restroom and take them regularly basis.  You can even do this by explaining to your child about going to the restroom and why.  You will be surprised about how much your child actually understands.  Especially, if you have been using communication to explained things to them at an early age.

Here are some things that you will need when potty training your little

  1. Patience
  2. Consistency
  3. Plenty of fluids; apple juice and water works best
  4. Paying attention
  5. Non comparison
  6. Cleaning products; especially if you have carpet

Please do not get discourage just because your friend’s child was potty trained in 3 days or a week and your child is still getting the hang of it.  Each child is different and you should never compare your child to others.  They are unique in their own way.  Also another good tip is, children learn best from other children.  So if your child is having a little trouble, having them watch other kids go will help them want to go as well.  Remember they like to do as their friends are doing as well.  Don’t get frustrated and give up, you have to stay on this and eventually your child will be potty trained.  Just think of it this way no more money on diaper/pull-ups and also some daycare even charge less for potty trained kids.  So just  look at the bigger picture.

 

Thanks for reading….SimplyBetty101

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To My Son: The Promises I Make to You

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As father’s day draws near and the day that you will once again be in my arms; I just wanted to take the time to write this. If over the years you feel discourage in my capabilities as a mother to you. Or you feel at any point I have failed you. Know that I did my best and most importantly I LOVE You more than anything the universe could ever offer me. Everything that I accomplished in life is nothing compared to bringing you into this world. Even though this world will do a lot of damage, please never give up and remember all the good things in life. Especially, those who truly love you… God and your parents. Yes, there will be times where you question everything in life. But I promise there is always light after the darkness. With that being said…

I will promise to do my best at all times to being a great parent to you.
I promise to provide you with what you need and strive for what you want.
I promise to be your backup when you are in the right and just.
I promise to guide you when you are lost.
I promise to protect your heart and soul from the evils of the world until you are strong enough to guard them yourself.
I promise to love you until the end of time.
I promise to give you the tools you need to survive and strive and conquer the world.

To my baby boy, my third pregnancy, my first born, to my blessing, I most importantly promise to be your mom.

Love Always,
Mom

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Transitioning….?

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What if your transitioning into a new you whether it’s for work, new home, parenthood, or just phasing out if the party life. What is now the new norm for you? What else fun is there to do that is more your speed?

I’m currently going through that transitioning as I type this up. Now that I am married, a parent, and focused more on my career of being my own boss. Things that use to interest me just don’t do it for me anymore. The fact that I am more excited to buy decor and furniture for our new place than for me to go out and party, is way more exciting. Like a kid in a candy store excited. Going to family events and being in a calm environment that’s more controlled and stable is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I love a good turnup just like the next person but only on my own terms with like minded people as well. When you surround yourself with people that are also transitioning, you find that very similar bond and growth that you may just need. A support group. This also means new friends.

But if you can transition with those you have been friends with it can be an awesome feeling and experience. But if you can’t, don’t give up so easily. So just because you are now in a different space than those you cherish doesn’t mean you have to abandon them. Try coaching or encouraging them to get on your level or higher. You may be surprised at what you find. Sometimes people just need others to lead so that they can fall suit. Not all leaders start off as leaders and not all followers will stay followers.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

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Over-staying Your Welcome

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So today I was wondering how long have I been here at my cousins house? Even though I’m only staying here to find a place for my own family, I was hoping that it would be a quick 2 to 3 day stay. But thinking on it I have been here a full 7 day week. Though I know she doesn’t mind I feel like I’m being a leech. Which is why I hope she never sees this post…lol the amount of killer eye she will give me is undeniable.

Look I appreciate the help and guidance but if I was in her position there is a limit for me. Now by no means am I one if those family members who doesn’t help nor clean up behind themselves. I have been fussed at for cleaning the kitchen and putting a trash bag in the trash can. Not that is was a real “don’t touch nothing,” her house is ran under certain rules. Also not to mention she is a bit OCD, she likes things done a certain way. And this is where my understanding comes in.

If it were me I do appreciate the help and love the company but at some point I would want to get back to my regular scheduled program of how I like my house ran. Children are still in school here which means they have rules on a daily basis and one cannot come in and throw off that schedule. One must be in stealth mode at all times and go with the flow. All while trying not to upset the balance of everyday life. And still be comfortable to do what I need for my family as well. I like the idea of being in the house with a kitchen that has love and laughter. But I also know that it is not my house and this is what I’m looking for. I love the uncoditional love and support my family provides but there comes a time when a girl just wants some alone time. Especially before hubby gets here.

So with that being said, people if you are staying with a friend or relative please understand body language and don’t over stay your welcome. Especially if your able to stay somewhere else. Now if you are in desperate need, then your circumstances are different. But please be less of a burden as possible. And if you just have that family that loves company then this does not apply to you as well. As always thanks for reading … SimplyBetty101

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Dear Mr. Forever I Promise 2 You: My Vows

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Today is finally here, after 10 years of ups and downs, war wounds, and the greatest part of my life thus far. I just wanted to say that even though I have expressed and shown you love throughout the years writing this was a bit exciting.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you even when we’re together. There’s not a day where I don’t get excited to hear your voice or to look into those dark brown eyes. You have pushed me, supported me, and cared for me at my lowest time. We have lost so much but gained more than we could ever imagine as a unit. Where most people would’ve just given in and wanted us to just move on from each other we stayed because we saw something in each other that no one else could.

Yes I nag and complain a lot but what girl who is spoiled doesn’t? And where would the fun be if I just complied to everything. And we both know that’s not my nature. You are my better half and challenge me to be my best. I love your selflessness and your ability to see the dream with me. On this special day 10 years ago I challenged you to tell me what this was and you answered well I guess we’re a relationsfip and ended the convoy with saying L word. Even then we knew that we loved each other and that this would be forever. As the song says you make me better… I love you…

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Sour-Patch Kids: What Discipline Action Should Be Taken If Any?

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Is it me or do kids really act like those sour patch gummies you see in the commercial.  I mean one minute I’m so aggravated with my child either peeing on the floor after he sat on his pot for  20 minutes or throwing his food all over  the place after he is finish eating or my favorite smacking me in the head with one of those hot wheels.  But then something beautiful happens and all is forgiven that quickly.  As if there isn’t a puddle  or number 2 on the floors that you just mopped.  It’s like really really  hard to stay mad at him.  And then the chaos starts again.

What is it with children that they can sense at such an early age that mommy is  about to have a breakdown.  Now I do understand that not all kids have this sense or they do and just don’t care.  And to those moms I am truly sorry and just try to think of their sleep time to pass the time.  But to others that have those perfect little angels when mommy is sick or ill or just sick and tired of  yelling, please that feeling we get right when we’re about to explode  and somehow it disappears.  Or we  do  explode and your child has a completely different personality afterwards.  What is that feeling?  Because if  that feeling gets my child to act  right immediately afterwards every time I need  that 24/7.  I mean but why why do I have to get to that point before my child realizes okay mommy is about to explode for my child to act right.  I mean is this all apart of the test me I am terrible two stage.  And if so who in their wrong mind started it, I would love to talk to them personally.

Don’t get me wrong I love my little bundle to infinity and beyond but at times I want to old days were spankings weren’t against the law, not neccesarliy against the law but for those who just think it’s child abuse.  I mean I got them, of course I didn’t misbehave until I was older like most girls, and I turned out great.  I am a two-time college graduate, I didn’t have my child until I was 27 going on 28, and we’re in the process of buying a house and I will be married next month.  So in retrospect I think I did pretty good.  Now granted I didn’t do everything by the olden days book like get married, have kids, and stay at home with them.  Sorry I’m not that perfect.  But still at least some discipline was good.  Now I’m not saying child abuse, believe me perverts and wicked people there is a big, huge difference but some redirection would help.  Not all children learn discipline on the same level.  Think about, your child may learn from time outs while another may learn from getting toys, tv, and favorites taken away.  But what about those who don’t comprehend neither.  Should a good pop on the hands be such a bad thing if it gets that child to remember that if I do this particular thing then I will get popped on the hands.  And if that child doesn’t want to be popped then they won’t do it again?

Listen I may not be a psychologist or a child therapist but I do understand that all kids can’t be taught the same way.  For instance, my child doesn’t sit still for long periods of time not even 5 minutes unless it’s his favorite show and that doesn’t always work.  So time-outs are not going to work.  And I don’t want him to think that every time he acts up he is rewarded with his favorites.  And taking his toys hasn’t worked either because he hasn’t connected the misbehave and discipline because he is too young.  He has learned a lot from trail and error but I don’t want him to learn everything that way.  I mean there are just somethings he can’t learn that way, such as playing with a knife or scissors, electric socket, throwing the ball at a big screen tv mounted or sitting above him.  Or even trying to pet everyone’s dog or my favorite that everyone has dealt with, taking your child out of the car and before you can position them correctly they snatch and run towards traffic.  Even if you’re in a parking lot or garage, the shear fear that overcomes you in that moment will give you a heart-attack.  So in those moments how would you correct it?  Yelling at them won’t work, hell you do that on a daily basis in the house, store, car, and etc.  Of course, trying to scare them won’t work because I would imagine that some toddlers haven’t grasp the fear of everything just yet.  So in that instance would a pop on the hand or pull-up or bottom if your child is potty trained, help?

This is a topic that will never have a correct or wrong answer.  It will be debated until the end of time.  My discipline growing up went through stages, I would get grounded and have things taken away and I did get spankings growing up.  All which have shaped and molded me to the person I am today.  Now my fiancé didn’t get spankings he got more of the “I’m disappointed in you,” and he too has turned out just fine.  My cousins grew-up with trail  and error and all of us are either business owners, entrepreneurs, high status economically, or perfectly happy with life.  We all motivate each other to greatness and logically think about things with consequences before we act.  Are we perfect human beings?  Nope, we all had downfalls but those lessons that were taught growing up helped us.  So my point on it is, I’m not against it as long as it is done correctly, and I know not all children need that form of correction.  And while some children can function on a strict schedule there are those who like to throw schedules out of the window, like mine.  So trying to find a balance and trying different things doesn’t make you a bad parent it just means your trying to be the best parent you can possible be for your children.  There is no exact manual for children their all completely different individuals.  And their process of thinking is different, think about it.   I’m pretty sure you get upset when people group you and your siblings or someone you know in the same category all the time.  Even though would like to be treated and viewed as an individual, I can only imagine with twins and multiples.   That is where it is more evident to be your own person.

But I am interested in what you guys think so please comment below.  And if you are in a profession that help discipline children or correct a child’s mental capacity due to stupid and unnecessary abuse also comment.  Please try to see each other’s point of view because remember every child and person is different and should be treated as such.