Tag: fear

Posted on

Black Parent’s Fear: Raising a Child in America Part 2

Follow me

It’s a beautiful day today, maybe we should have a cookout in the park.  My 6’3″ husband with his sexy dark chocolate skin and shoulder length dreads put our more handsome dark almond son in his seat.  I pack the food and everything we would need into our car nevermind the make and model, it shouldn’t be important.  Or should it?  Because I’m also slightly tall standing at 5’7″ with almond long legs.  I know that beautiful bundle of joy that I carried for 40 weeks is a target.  I can’t help but fear for him every time he is out of my sight.  Just like I know my husband’s mother probably shouldn’t worry about both of her tall sons but in the back of her mind she does.  It’s strange to me know knowing the biggest fear I had in life was having a son.  And even though I can’t live without him the fears and anxiety I have about his future is very real.

Everyday I turn on my phone and there it is on my social media timelines about someone being attacked or killed for the color of their skin.  All because of the assumption that the opposite race had of them.  What has become of America?  Has it always been this violent and we as people didn’t have much light shed on it because of social media?  Is it a curse and a blessing to have so much information at our fingertips?  But what if we didn’t have the resources?  Would the danger still be this real or we just more oblivious to it?  I can’t help but wonder is there a better place in the world to raise a brown skin family?

No I don’t want my son living in a world where so much hatred exist for other human beings as if no one’s life matters but our own.  He’s a toddler now and everyday I question my thoughts on how to explain race issues and when.  When would it be a good time to sit my handsome son down and explain to him what is going on in this world and to be mindful of his surroundings at all times?  Questions such as, should I wait till he experiences this issue or will that be too late for his precious life.  The mere thought of living life without my child or worst having to bury him before my time is up is horrifying.  No parent should have to worry about these things at any point in their lives.  Only the thoughts of proms, graduations, weddings, and every other exciting milestone should be in a parents thought.  The fact that I have anxiety attacks that send me to my knees in pray whenever my husband leaves the house is no good for my health nor thoughts.  But this is America.

I know if I constantly think in this way then I have allowed those who try to insert fear and supremacy into people’s lives win.  But if I don’t think about the possibilities then I am just as a fool who thinks that nothing bad could happen to them.  I do believe in law of attraction, therefore, I do think about old age and prosperity anytime those evil thoughts creep into my mind.  I also think about alternatives to those horrible events to the point that I pray instantly and think of a better outcome.   So all hope is not lost and I know that my son will have a better future in America but for those that have and will go through tragedy.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to keep moving.

 

Thanks…SimplyBetty101

Posted on

Do You Have The Motivation To Get It Done?

Follow me

A lot of times people go through life wondering and imaging if only they took a chance. And do they still have time to do so? Why is it that we can relate to others that we see in social media that took the leap of faith and accomplished something that was just so simple? And yet you are sitting there discontent about your life. Most of that is just the lack of motivation.

Rather you didn’t get enough motivation growing up to just be yourself and be happy. Or you just lack the courage to take the leap, it still just leaves the lack of motivational courage. People are so conditioned to follow the trend and stay in line instead of just creating their own lane that it leaves most of us in fear. Which then later leads to resentment and regret. The thought of fear is such a captivating feeling and just consumes everyone and everything in its path.

Think about it, people have anxiety over the smallest things or have panic attacks over simple circumstances. Well small and simple to myself and/or others but it is a real thing. So let’s think about it in a different perspective, what if no one had fear and took leaps? Now you have more leaders than followers and more self assurance in people. Now for those who are just in the money making business only, you are looking at this concept as a horrible idea. The fact that everyone will now be more sure and completely independent of themselves is bad for business. And now trendsetters are no longer a thing. But let’s look at the bigger picture, the amount of self love and pro life attitude that people would have for themselves would definitely fix a lot of economic issues. But that is another day and a lot of topic to cover.

Giving people the satisfaction of being capable to set trends and just be comfortable in their own lane would definitely be in a perfect world. Because the truth is that this is a for profit America that runs on the lack of people not having motivation and courage to take a leaf of faith. But hopefully you will not listen to the hype and think for yourself.

Please don’t be one of those old timers encouraging the younger generation to have no regrets and to at least try. Even if one were to fail you wouldn’t have that sense of “I never tried, so what could’ve been, I don’t know,” people. See you have to draw your motivation from within and say to that person you see in the mirror everyday that you are not a failure. Try it, you may then be that person that is envied on social media and living that life that you always wished for. You just have to put in the work and remove fear.

Anger is a great motivation. If you are always sad and depressed looking for an escape, that is a great motivation. or if you’re just proving to those who thought you would never amount to anything. If you just want the status, use it. Wherever you pull your motivation from make sure you use it to your full capabilities to get the job done. No regrets.

SimplyBetty101

Posted on

A Prayer For My Precious Son

Follow me

In today’s society there is a lot of concern and uncertainty.  Especially when one brings life into the world.  The amount of worry and anxiety a mother has when your child is out of eye sight can be a burden in itself.  So any time I start getting that worrisome feeling and anxiety starts to build, I just say a little prayer.  

I pray to you Lord to cherish my son.  To wrap your arms around him.  To shield him from the hurt and dangers of the world.  To cover him in your blood.  To hug him close to your bosom.  To cover him in your garment, to keep him safe.  Cherish his ideas and innocence.

To show compassion towards those around him.  To allow him to be a vessel of your word.  To be an example of what a better person should be.  To keep his mind, heart, and soul in your grace.  To give great guidance and spiritual healing to those around him.  To inspire others and be pro life.   In Jesus name I pray…Amen.   

Posted on

If You Could Go Back, Would You Choose To Be Black?

Follow me

If you could go back, would you choose to be black?

If you had the same birthday, life, and God gave you a second time

Would you choose to be black in America?

If you could go back, would you still want to be raised in the harshness and violence of selective America vs Blacks?

Or would you prefer to be comfortable with the imagination of Fear of Blacks?

If you could go back, would you bless yourself with the chosen skin of the Creator?

Or would you prefer the murder of the colonizer who claim they built America?

Though we all know that those with that mindset don’t do any heavy and dirty work

They pass it down to those who don’t have the resources, but they forget it’s all muscle

If you are non black American can you honestly say that you would prefer to be black in America knowing what you know now?

Can you honestly sit there on your high horses and think that America is just?

Can you say that America is welcoming?

Can you say that America is fair?

Can you say that America is the best country to live in to those not from here?

Can you say that America is respectful?

Can you say that America will never change?

America is not the land of the Free

Nothing is free in America not even death

America is the “You Give Me Your Soul and I’ll Give you a Crumb,”

America is the 1% that gets to enjoy everything about America

While the rest argue over what changes should be done, but never act

Are we all not just humans who were created in different shades?

Economic separation people can actually understand and say create change

But when it comes to race, those of non black turn to the blind side and hope it’s all a dream

Well so do blacks, we hope and pray it is all a dream and that one day I don’t have to fear my coworker

Or a stranger on a subway…..my middle school classmate…..my local dentist klansman…..my neighbors…..

For black Americans we are scared to leave out of our front doors, not knowing if we will ever return

We are also scared to move into a new front door, not knowing if cops will be called praying to put 20 bullets to the head

Especially if we used the amenities that we also pay for

The reality is the image of America is the non black rich American’s sitting on a throne with black… Strong…Demanding… Fast… Big…Thugs…or more degrading description “a pack of NIGGAS,” at their feet

But let’s be real non black Americans love everything about Niggas

From the clothes…hair…body…vibes…persistence…work ethics…determination…willingness…language…style…

Even our skin color….but yet you say you don’t want to be black

Who are you fooling…your slavemaster ancestors?  Or that person in the mirror?

So again I ask, if you could go back, would you choose to be Black?

 

Posted on

Pregnancy: The Mind Experience

Follow me

Being a mother is a wonderful experience and you can find plenty of blogs and post about the different challenges that comes with it. You can even spark an entire conversation with someone random about it. But what about pregnancy? Sure there are plenty of blogs and posts and books about the physical changes and what to expect, but what about the mental? For women and men both it can be a challenging concept to wrap your mind around. So I thought I would share some insights.

Now if you are one of those women who have always dreamed about kids and are planning everything down to when to get pregnant and with whom then this too can be of some use. Society just assumes that once a woman becomes pregnant that we can deal with it and keep going. But in reality for a lot of woman there is a tug of war going on in our minds that is pulling in more than one direction. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I was in shock. Not just because I was pregnant but because this was the 3rd one and I only have one child. See I had two failed pregnancies before and I didn’t want to be too excited and I was completely and utterly sacred. All those what if questions started popping up in my head and I freaked out, mentally. Not to mention that after the second pregnancy I went into depression or postpartum depression and I didn’t seek help I just processed pain the best way I knew how, working and being alone.

See the first pregnancy took a lot out of me, though it is kind of funny story now. See when I found out I took 3 Clear Blue pregnancy test, all which literally said pregnant, called the my doctor’s office for her to tell me that this is one of the most accurate test on the market, and that I’m actually pregnant. To me telling my future (now) husband and seeing his face of shock just like mine. To me jumping into my truck, driving 4 hours back home to my parents for the next 3 days. To me getting there telling my mother first who was ecstatic, until she saw my face. Then going to an abortion clinic to get tested, only to have the lady hand me a piece of paper that said, “EDD 4/14/2014.” At which point I asked her what did “EDD” mean, she said the most dreaded words I would’ve ever heard, EXPECTED DUE DATE. And finally me going into shock. I didn’t hear anything after that. I was terrified, no mortified that my life was about to change drastically and I wasn’t ready.

See I was the girl growing up who helped my parents out with my younger siblings, all which are boys and so damn bad, at that time. So I said to myself and God, that I didn’t want kids. And when I met my now husband he also had the same goals. I wanted to travel and go out and do whatever I wanted. I was getting my masters, working, and was living very comfortably. Both of us were. Not only was I not mentally ready, neither was my body. Soon after that I was sick as a dog. I mean throwing up, always nauseous even before I would get out of bed. I just felt awful, not to mention the questions running in my head….

How on earth did this happen?
Am I really about to be a parent?
Would I suck at it?
Is the next 18 years of my life really going to suck?
Can my spouse handle it?
Will I be a single parent?
Can I afford to be a parent?

All kinds of questions were going through my head and then the moment I started to feel just a smeggit of excitement and announce it on social media to family and friends, the unthinkable happened. Right at 12 weeks my body rejected the pregnancy, my little girl. I was heart-broken. Yes, it was tough to wrap my head around being pregnant and giving birth and of course my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be but I was going to do it and commit not matter the outcome. And to have it taken away was devastating. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even give my body time to heal. Literally, 3 days after getting a D and C I was back at work and school. Throwing myself into whatever it was I was doing before I got pregnant. My thought was, that God was telling me I wasn’t ready and to get myself together, no biggy. And then 2 months later I miscarried again.

The difference this time, the week I found out I was pregnant is also the same week I miscarried and I was only about 4 weeks. Now what made this so traumatizing is the fact that I didn’t get another D and C done because I didn’t have the PTO and time to do it and we (my doctor and I) thought I would just passed the fetus through my cycle. Boy were we wrong, see I miscarried either late December or first few days January. I took the Pitocin pills to induce labor around my cycle to passed at home. But I went into labor in April. Yes, months after it was all over and done, so we thought, I went into labor at home in the middle of the night. The contractions were unreal. Now I know some of you are going to say maybe you got pregnant again and didn’t know it. Well according to tests, ultrasounds, etc they all showed otherwise. It was later found that it was the fetus of my second pregnancy. See my fetus never came out during my cycle in January and after that night my cycles were off the chain. I mean going into mini labors and pushing tissue out on the last couple of days, off the chain. I had to eventually get another D and C done, and this is what broke me mentally.

I said all this to explain that I was mentally spaced/checked out. I literally went into depression. It was not a safe place. I questioned everything…

How can I, a woman, given that the sole purpose of a woman’s body on God’s green Earth, not carry a child?
Is this punishment for stating that I didn’t want any?
How can I be with a man if eventually he may want kids? And I can’t provide that?
Is this a sign showing that I am an unfit mother?
Would I even consider being married?
Am I wasting my life away?
Am I wasting his life and time being with him?
Will another woman come along and show me up/out?
Are we suppose to be together?
Did I miss some opportunity?
Is it because of this cervical cancer overhead?
Is it because I had cervical surgery prior to the first pregnancy?
Should I even exist if I can’t bear children/child?
What is it? I’m so lost and alone.

People don’t realize that some of simplest things to them are terrifying to others. And I’m pretty sure each woman who has ever been pregnant has had some type of anxiety attack in their heads about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, postpartum, the list goes on. I know some reading this may say, “well how is it that women can talk about everything else but not topics like this?” Well simple, no one wants to be the first at being a Debbie-downer or party pooper, why would I ruin someone else’s day with my problems that I can fix on my own. And the truth is we can’t always be that strong person all the time. Where would that help come from? Me personally I didn’t want to go to some group therapy and talk about my experience with other women who also were having problems the same as mine. I don’t like letting people see me that vulnerable. I don’t like letting the outside world looking into my thoughts and personal feelings. I am not just a book or someone’s note session, but I will admit that can be a downfall. No, I didn’t talk to a therapist but I did talk to my spouse and close friends who also had the same experiences. I found out that I wasn’t alone if I would’ve at least tried talking to them first before shutting everyone out. But I do understand that everyone isn’t as supportive as you would like and it is a delicate situation. But it can have a devastating effect on yourself and those around you. So seek help before you seek the end.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

Postpartum depression
Also called: PPD

Requires a medical diagnosis
Symptoms might include insomnia, loss of appetite, intense irritability, and difficulty bonding with the baby.
People may experience:
Mood: anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or panic attack
Behavioral: crying, irritability, or restlessness
Psychological: depression, fear, or repeatedly going over thoughts
Whole body: fatigue or loss of appetite
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: insomnia