Tag: life

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If You Could Go Back, Would You Choose To Be Black?

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If you could go back, would you choose to be black?

If you had the same birthday, life, and God gave you a second time

Would you choose to be black in America?

If you could go back, would you still want to be raised in the harshness and violence of selective America vs Blacks?

Or would you prefer to be comfortable with the imagination of Fear of Blacks?

If you could go back, would you bless yourself with the chosen skin of the Creator?

Or would you prefer the murder of the colonizer who claim they built America?

Though we all know that those with that mindset don’t do any heavy and dirty work

They pass it down to those who don’t have the resources, but they forget it’s all muscle

If you are non black American can you honestly say that you would prefer to be black in America knowing what you know now?

Can you honestly sit there on your high horses and think that America is just?

Can you say that America is welcoming?

Can you say that America is fair?

Can you say that America is the best country to live in to those not from here?

Can you say that America is respectful?

Can you say that America will never change?

America is not the land of the Free

Nothing is free in America not even death

America is the “You Give Me Your Soul and I’ll Give you a Crumb,”

America is the 1% that gets to enjoy everything about America

While the rest argue over what changes should be done, but never act

Are we all not just humans who were created in different shades?

Economic separation people can actually understand and say create change

But when it comes to race, those of non black turn to the blind side and hope it’s all a dream

Well so do blacks, we hope and pray it is all a dream and that one day I don’t have to fear my coworker

Or a stranger on a subway…..my middle school classmate…..my local dentist klansman…..my neighbors…..

For black Americans we are scared to leave out of our front doors, not knowing if we will ever return

We are also scared to move into a new front door, not knowing if cops will be called praying to put 20 bullets to the head

Especially if we used the amenities that we also pay for

The reality is the image of America is the non black rich American’s sitting on a throne with black… Strong…Demanding… Fast… Big…Thugs…or more degrading description “a pack of NIGGAS,” at their feet

But let’s be real non black Americans love everything about Niggas

From the clothes…hair…body…vibes…persistence…work ethics…determination…willingness…language…style…

Even our skin color….but yet you say you don’t want to be black

Who are you fooling…your slavemaster ancestors?  Or that person in the mirror?

So again I ask, if you could go back, would you choose to be Black?

 

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Being a Boss Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

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Being a stay at home mom, blogger, and you-tuber, can be exhausting and have its challenges.  Sometimes you just don’t feel like, staying in bed that day sounds and feels like a grand idea.  But what about your business, will it suffer because of this break?  Will you miss an important opportunity to grow? Why do you want to take a break in the first place?  And most important question is, if you push yourself through it will your body force you to break at a crucial time?  These are very important questions one must ask themselves especially when you’re not feeling as bossy that day.  Sure you can push through and take a break when it’s all said and done.  But how long will it take you to get to that point?  Is pushing through worth it?

As a person who just started, I can say that there are times where I’m just full steam ahead for my business.  I even try to shut the world out, but then I remember that I am also someone’s mother, a newlywed wife, and Lord knows that if I don’t clean my house the way I want it, it will just be a distraction from work.  For me working at home is really challenging.  I have my son running around, we just moved across 2 states into a new town and house, and not to mention that my husband also works from home.  So there are constant distractions.

Now this may just be me and I may just have a problem but for some reason I cannot get any work done when I know that there is laundry, dishes, and errands that need to be done.  I literally have to prep the house the day before in order to get work done.  As well as advise my husband who gets up way before me that I will be working late so therefore do not disturb.  And my son, well I just have to work that in all day until he goes to daycare in August.  My point is I have to schedule how my day is going beforehand so that I don’t get burned out.  Yes life throws curve-balls but for the most part I control my day.  So if I have been running around weeks on end and can feel my body shutting down, I schedule me time.  This is the most important thing to schedule.

Scheduling me time is a blessing.  It not only recharges you but it also gets you ready to be in full boss-mode at all times.  Think about, if you don’t schedule a girls night, date-night, day at the salon, go to the nail shop, or do whatever it is you enjoy doing that causes the least amount of stress.  Eventually your body will shut down for you.  And believe me no one wants that or to be around a depressing Patti.  Think about it, being a boss is really being able to juggle business life and personal life.  You have to be creative at all times and this will show your ingenuity.  This level of bossy-ness is fun for me because while my husband is exhausted from just one job I get to rub in his face that I am a Jack of all trades.  And the list of things that I have finished for the day is the icing on the cake.  Now, I’m not saying be a pain to your spouse because we know that there are some who do just as much.  But let’s be real, women do so much.  Even when we’re quiet and thinking.  LOL

All I’m saying is that in order to be a boss you have to delegate what is important and schedule everything else around that.  Even if your schedule changes or life changes.  Just breathe, think, and execute.  Believe me it will go a long way and you will be in boss-mode even longer and appreciate it more.

 

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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To My Son: The Promises I Make to You

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As father’s day draws near and the day that you will once again be in my arms; I just wanted to take the time to write this. If over the years you feel discourage in my capabilities as a mother to you. Or you feel at any point I have failed you. Know that I did my best and most importantly I LOVE You more than anything the universe could ever offer me. Everything that I accomplished in life is nothing compared to bringing you into this world. Even though this world will do a lot of damage, please never give up and remember all the good things in life. Especially, those who truly love you… God and your parents. Yes, there will be times where you question everything in life. But I promise there is always light after the darkness. With that being said…

I will promise to do my best at all times to being a great parent to you.
I promise to provide you with what you need and strive for what you want.
I promise to be your backup when you are in the right and just.
I promise to guide you when you are lost.
I promise to protect your heart and soul from the evils of the world until you are strong enough to guard them yourself.
I promise to love you until the end of time.
I promise to give you the tools you need to survive and strive and conquer the world.

To my baby boy, my third pregnancy, my first born, to my blessing, I most importantly promise to be your mom.

Love Always,
Mom

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Pregnancy: The Mind Experience

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Being a mother is a wonderful experience and you can find plenty of blogs and post about the different challenges that comes with it. You can even spark an entire conversation with someone random about it. But what about pregnancy? Sure there are plenty of blogs and posts and books about the physical changes and what to expect, but what about the mental? For women and men both it can be a challenging concept to wrap your mind around. So I thought I would share some insights.

Now if you are one of those women who have always dreamed about kids and are planning everything down to when to get pregnant and with whom then this too can be of some use. Society just assumes that once a woman becomes pregnant that we can deal with it and keep going. But in reality for a lot of woman there is a tug of war going on in our minds that is pulling in more than one direction. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I was in shock. Not just because I was pregnant but because this was the 3rd one and I only have one child. See I had two failed pregnancies before and I didn’t want to be too excited and I was completely and utterly sacred. All those what if questions started popping up in my head and I freaked out, mentally. Not to mention that after the second pregnancy I went into depression or postpartum depression and I didn’t seek help I just processed pain the best way I knew how, working and being alone.

See the first pregnancy took a lot out of me, though it is kind of funny story now. See when I found out I took 3 Clear Blue pregnancy test, all which literally said pregnant, called the my doctor’s office for her to tell me that this is one of the most accurate test on the market, and that I’m actually pregnant. To me telling my future (now) husband and seeing his face of shock just like mine. To me jumping into my truck, driving 4 hours back home to my parents for the next 3 days. To me getting there telling my mother first who was ecstatic, until she saw my face. Then going to an abortion clinic to get tested, only to have the lady hand me a piece of paper that said, “EDD 4/14/2014.” At which point I asked her what did “EDD” mean, she said the most dreaded words I would’ve ever heard, EXPECTED DUE DATE. And finally me going into shock. I didn’t hear anything after that. I was terrified, no mortified that my life was about to change drastically and I wasn’t ready.

See I was the girl growing up who helped my parents out with my younger siblings, all which are boys and so damn bad, at that time. So I said to myself and God, that I didn’t want kids. And when I met my now husband he also had the same goals. I wanted to travel and go out and do whatever I wanted. I was getting my masters, working, and was living very comfortably. Both of us were. Not only was I not mentally ready, neither was my body. Soon after that I was sick as a dog. I mean throwing up, always nauseous even before I would get out of bed. I just felt awful, not to mention the questions running in my head….

How on earth did this happen?
Am I really about to be a parent?
Would I suck at it?
Is the next 18 years of my life really going to suck?
Can my spouse handle it?
Will I be a single parent?
Can I afford to be a parent?

All kinds of questions were going through my head and then the moment I started to feel just a smeggit of excitement and announce it on social media to family and friends, the unthinkable happened. Right at 12 weeks my body rejected the pregnancy, my little girl. I was heart-broken. Yes, it was tough to wrap my head around being pregnant and giving birth and of course my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be but I was going to do it and commit not matter the outcome. And to have it taken away was devastating. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even give my body time to heal. Literally, 3 days after getting a D and C I was back at work and school. Throwing myself into whatever it was I was doing before I got pregnant. My thought was, that God was telling me I wasn’t ready and to get myself together, no biggy. And then 2 months later I miscarried again.

The difference this time, the week I found out I was pregnant is also the same week I miscarried and I was only about 4 weeks. Now what made this so traumatizing is the fact that I didn’t get another D and C done because I didn’t have the PTO and time to do it and we (my doctor and I) thought I would just passed the fetus through my cycle. Boy were we wrong, see I miscarried either late December or first few days January. I took the Pitocin pills to induce labor around my cycle to passed at home. But I went into labor in April. Yes, months after it was all over and done, so we thought, I went into labor at home in the middle of the night. The contractions were unreal. Now I know some of you are going to say maybe you got pregnant again and didn’t know it. Well according to tests, ultrasounds, etc they all showed otherwise. It was later found that it was the fetus of my second pregnancy. See my fetus never came out during my cycle in January and after that night my cycles were off the chain. I mean going into mini labors and pushing tissue out on the last couple of days, off the chain. I had to eventually get another D and C done, and this is what broke me mentally.

I said all this to explain that I was mentally spaced/checked out. I literally went into depression. It was not a safe place. I questioned everything…

How can I, a woman, given that the sole purpose of a woman’s body on God’s green Earth, not carry a child?
Is this punishment for stating that I didn’t want any?
How can I be with a man if eventually he may want kids? And I can’t provide that?
Is this a sign showing that I am an unfit mother?
Would I even consider being married?
Am I wasting my life away?
Am I wasting his life and time being with him?
Will another woman come along and show me up/out?
Are we suppose to be together?
Did I miss some opportunity?
Is it because of this cervical cancer overhead?
Is it because I had cervical surgery prior to the first pregnancy?
Should I even exist if I can’t bear children/child?
What is it? I’m so lost and alone.

People don’t realize that some of simplest things to them are terrifying to others. And I’m pretty sure each woman who has ever been pregnant has had some type of anxiety attack in their heads about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, postpartum, the list goes on. I know some reading this may say, “well how is it that women can talk about everything else but not topics like this?” Well simple, no one wants to be the first at being a Debbie-downer or party pooper, why would I ruin someone else’s day with my problems that I can fix on my own. And the truth is we can’t always be that strong person all the time. Where would that help come from? Me personally I didn’t want to go to some group therapy and talk about my experience with other women who also were having problems the same as mine. I don’t like letting people see me that vulnerable. I don’t like letting the outside world looking into my thoughts and personal feelings. I am not just a book or someone’s note session, but I will admit that can be a downfall. No, I didn’t talk to a therapist but I did talk to my spouse and close friends who also had the same experiences. I found out that I wasn’t alone if I would’ve at least tried talking to them first before shutting everyone out. But I do understand that everyone isn’t as supportive as you would like and it is a delicate situation. But it can have a devastating effect on yourself and those around you. So seek help before you seek the end.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

Postpartum depression
Also called: PPD

Requires a medical diagnosis
Symptoms might include insomnia, loss of appetite, intense irritability, and difficulty bonding with the baby.
People may experience:
Mood: anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or panic attack
Behavioral: crying, irritability, or restlessness
Psychological: depression, fear, or repeatedly going over thoughts
Whole body: fatigue or loss of appetite
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: insomnia

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Random Thought…JUMP and Take the RISK

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Why are you so scared to jump? Starting something new isn’t going to be easy and you may not have the support that you are used to. But ask yourself these questions

1. What can you sacrifice?
2. Can you live with that decision?
3. What scares you about this decision?
4. Is it worth your happiness for the rest of your life/ is the decision based on the betterment for you?

Yes, taking a leap of faith on yourself to pursue something that has always been a dream is scary and maybe dangerous. But do you want to be one of those people who always wondered what life would’ve been like? Or do you want to say I tried and conquered. Or maybe you didn’t conquer but it took you on a different route to satisfaction. No one can decide your life but yourself. And yes you may lose those you hold and cherish, but if they cannot support or understand, did they really cherish you? Don’t be surprise if those you look up such as family, best friend, or even ideals walk away or discourage you. Everything will come full circle and life will proceed with or without them. Look even if you’re doing things to help others, wouldn’t you be in a better position to help those if you were happy?

Think about it….SimplyBetty101

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Transitioning….?

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What if your transitioning into a new you whether it’s for work, new home, parenthood, or just phasing out if the party life. What is now the new norm for you? What else fun is there to do that is more your speed?

I’m currently going through that transitioning as I type this up. Now that I am married, a parent, and focused more on my career of being my own boss. Things that use to interest me just don’t do it for me anymore. The fact that I am more excited to buy decor and furniture for our new place than for me to go out and party, is way more exciting. Like a kid in a candy store excited. Going to family events and being in a calm environment that’s more controlled and stable is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I love a good turnup just like the next person but only on my own terms with like minded people as well. When you surround yourself with people that are also transitioning, you find that very similar bond and growth that you may just need. A support group. This also means new friends.

But if you can transition with those you have been friends with it can be an awesome feeling and experience. But if you can’t, don’t give up so easily. So just because you are now in a different space than those you cherish doesn’t mean you have to abandon them. Try coaching or encouraging them to get on your level or higher. You may be surprised at what you find. Sometimes people just need others to lead so that they can fall suit. Not all leaders start off as leaders and not all followers will stay followers.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

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Over-staying Your Welcome

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So today I was wondering how long have I been here at my cousins house? Even though I’m only staying here to find a place for my own family, I was hoping that it would be a quick 2 to 3 day stay. But thinking on it I have been here a full 7 day week. Though I know she doesn’t mind I feel like I’m being a leech. Which is why I hope she never sees this post…lol the amount of killer eye she will give me is undeniable.

Look I appreciate the help and guidance but if I was in her position there is a limit for me. Now by no means am I one if those family members who doesn’t help nor clean up behind themselves. I have been fussed at for cleaning the kitchen and putting a trash bag in the trash can. Not that is was a real “don’t touch nothing,” her house is ran under certain rules. Also not to mention she is a bit OCD, she likes things done a certain way. And this is where my understanding comes in.

If it were me I do appreciate the help and love the company but at some point I would want to get back to my regular scheduled program of how I like my house ran. Children are still in school here which means they have rules on a daily basis and one cannot come in and throw off that schedule. One must be in stealth mode at all times and go with the flow. All while trying not to upset the balance of everyday life. And still be comfortable to do what I need for my family as well. I like the idea of being in the house with a kitchen that has love and laughter. But I also know that it is not my house and this is what I’m looking for. I love the uncoditional love and support my family provides but there comes a time when a girl just wants some alone time. Especially before hubby gets here.

So with that being said, people if you are staying with a friend or relative please understand body language and don’t over stay your welcome. Especially if your able to stay somewhere else. Now if you are in desperate need, then your circumstances are different. But please be less of a burden as possible. And if you just have that family that loves company then this does not apply to you as well. As always thanks for reading … SimplyBetty101

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Family Time: Values and Morals

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As I sit here thinking of things to talk about there is only one thing that comes to mind… my family. Most importantly my son and the values, morals, and life lessons of what will shape him to become a man one day. Though I have done some silly things in my twenties (not to give away my age… I’m still there barely) that I am currently trying to fix for the betterment of our lives. There are some things that were very beneficial to me and molding me to the person I am today.

Being a parent is a wonderful thing and a grand experience, but it can also be a terrifying one as well. Being responsible for a person that will have an impact on humanity in any kind of way is a scary thought. There are all kinds of what ifs and did I do it correctly that just come at you like a boulder. Sure, you think about getting your child into the best schools, raising them in the safest neighborhood that you can afford, giving them the luxuries that you never had growing up, and most importantly making sure you instill those main core values that a person would need to function in this world. In my previous blog Sour-Patch Kids: What Discipline Action Should Be Taken If Any? I touched about giving a child discipline through spanking and asked if it was a good idea? But in this blog, I want the subject to be a more fun and energetic vibe. Instead of asking questions, I will just go over some things that I do with my son and why I create that participation with him.

First, what is important to me when it comes to my son? And the answer to that question is simply… time. Spending time with my son in any kind of way is important, including the time apart. See this little person that developed and grew from conception until birth inside of me, must learn about the world in the best way I know how to teach him. Example, when we go to the zoo and see different animals that is a way for him to learn perception and exploration. Letting him know that the world is way bigger than what he sees daily and that his everyday characters that he sees on tv are inspired by real life animals. It also teaches him different vocabulary and restraint. See I have a toddler that is still developing verbal skills so exposing him to different aspects of the zoo where he can physically touch, smell, and interact with animals gets him excited to learn and see more. These trips and other fun activities are also considered bonding time together. This is also where body language is can be at its finest. Think about it, how many times have you been watching your child to then realize for some odd reason your child is about to make a mad dash somewhere, or about to fall and hurt themselves. It’s like you have a sixth sense of what is about to happen and how terrible it can be.

Being in public teaches your child control and restraint because at home lets face it they run everything or just with no boundaries and you’re not on edge as much. Same thing with playtime, all the important factors of life are taught and learned through your child’s playtime. It may seem small in your eyes right now but think about it. Your child can hit your nerves and your’re almost at your breaking point. But your child learns those subtle cues of I’m about to get in trouble let me stop. Or they smile with a grimace and instead test my parents… lol.
Let’s face it kids are in their learning stages from the moment they are born until the day they decide to completely learn on their own. So, to sum everything up I love the time I get with my child. It’s a learning experience for him that teaches him core values, morals, body language, importance of family, and a list of other things.

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Moving In and On: House and Career Dreams

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Looking for a change in life? Rather you’re looking to transition to a beautiful new home, career, or both remember not all transitions are easy. And not all will be on your timeline either. Don’t get discourage. Look at it as a challenge or hurdle that you have to move out of your way.

Not every door will open when you want it to and not all doors lead you to where you expect. Somethings have to be taken with a blind leap of faith and persistence. Think of life as a child that doesn’t listen all of the time. With children you will have to have the patience of a person who has all the time in the world and have your anger in check at all times. Plus you also have to keep explaining and instructing children to do what you need. The same rules apply to your potential home or career. Children are put into our lives to test us and the world has the same code of life. It’s all just a test that you will ace. Yes you may have to take the test multiple times until you pass it but you’ll get there. So don’t be discourage when someone is trying to block a blessing from you. Remember whatever is for you no man can take from you no matter how hard they try.

Thanks for reading… SimplyBetty101

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Sour-Patch Kids: What Discipline Action Should Be Taken If Any?

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Is it me or do kids really act like those sour patch gummies you see in the commercial.  I mean one minute I’m so aggravated with my child either peeing on the floor after he sat on his pot for  20 minutes or throwing his food all over  the place after he is finish eating or my favorite smacking me in the head with one of those hot wheels.  But then something beautiful happens and all is forgiven that quickly.  As if there isn’t a puddle  or number 2 on the floors that you just mopped.  It’s like really really  hard to stay mad at him.  And then the chaos starts again.

What is it with children that they can sense at such an early age that mommy is  about to have a breakdown.  Now I do understand that not all kids have this sense or they do and just don’t care.  And to those moms I am truly sorry and just try to think of their sleep time to pass the time.  But to others that have those perfect little angels when mommy is sick or ill or just sick and tired of  yelling, please that feeling we get right when we’re about to explode  and somehow it disappears.  Or we  do  explode and your child has a completely different personality afterwards.  What is that feeling?  Because if  that feeling gets my child to act  right immediately afterwards every time I need  that 24/7.  I mean but why why do I have to get to that point before my child realizes okay mommy is about to explode for my child to act right.  I mean is this all apart of the test me I am terrible two stage.  And if so who in their wrong mind started it, I would love to talk to them personally.

Don’t get me wrong I love my little bundle to infinity and beyond but at times I want to old days were spankings weren’t against the law, not neccesarliy against the law but for those who just think it’s child abuse.  I mean I got them, of course I didn’t misbehave until I was older like most girls, and I turned out great.  I am a two-time college graduate, I didn’t have my child until I was 27 going on 28, and we’re in the process of buying a house and I will be married next month.  So in retrospect I think I did pretty good.  Now granted I didn’t do everything by the olden days book like get married, have kids, and stay at home with them.  Sorry I’m not that perfect.  But still at least some discipline was good.  Now I’m not saying child abuse, believe me perverts and wicked people there is a big, huge difference but some redirection would help.  Not all children learn discipline on the same level.  Think about, your child may learn from time outs while another may learn from getting toys, tv, and favorites taken away.  But what about those who don’t comprehend neither.  Should a good pop on the hands be such a bad thing if it gets that child to remember that if I do this particular thing then I will get popped on the hands.  And if that child doesn’t want to be popped then they won’t do it again?

Listen I may not be a psychologist or a child therapist but I do understand that all kids can’t be taught the same way.  For instance, my child doesn’t sit still for long periods of time not even 5 minutes unless it’s his favorite show and that doesn’t always work.  So time-outs are not going to work.  And I don’t want him to think that every time he acts up he is rewarded with his favorites.  And taking his toys hasn’t worked either because he hasn’t connected the misbehave and discipline because he is too young.  He has learned a lot from trail and error but I don’t want him to learn everything that way.  I mean there are just somethings he can’t learn that way, such as playing with a knife or scissors, electric socket, throwing the ball at a big screen tv mounted or sitting above him.  Or even trying to pet everyone’s dog or my favorite that everyone has dealt with, taking your child out of the car and before you can position them correctly they snatch and run towards traffic.  Even if you’re in a parking lot or garage, the shear fear that overcomes you in that moment will give you a heart-attack.  So in those moments how would you correct it?  Yelling at them won’t work, hell you do that on a daily basis in the house, store, car, and etc.  Of course, trying to scare them won’t work because I would imagine that some toddlers haven’t grasp the fear of everything just yet.  So in that instance would a pop on the hand or pull-up or bottom if your child is potty trained, help?

This is a topic that will never have a correct or wrong answer.  It will be debated until the end of time.  My discipline growing up went through stages, I would get grounded and have things taken away and I did get spankings growing up.  All which have shaped and molded me to the person I am today.  Now my fiancé didn’t get spankings he got more of the “I’m disappointed in you,” and he too has turned out just fine.  My cousins grew-up with trail  and error and all of us are either business owners, entrepreneurs, high status economically, or perfectly happy with life.  We all motivate each other to greatness and logically think about things with consequences before we act.  Are we perfect human beings?  Nope, we all had downfalls but those lessons that were taught growing up helped us.  So my point on it is, I’m not against it as long as it is done correctly, and I know not all children need that form of correction.  And while some children can function on a strict schedule there are those who like to throw schedules out of the window, like mine.  So trying to find a balance and trying different things doesn’t make you a bad parent it just means your trying to be the best parent you can possible be for your children.  There is no exact manual for children their all completely different individuals.  And their process of thinking is different, think about it.   I’m pretty sure you get upset when people group you and your siblings or someone you know in the same category all the time.  Even though would like to be treated and viewed as an individual, I can only imagine with twins and multiples.   That is where it is more evident to be your own person.

But I am interested in what you guys think so please comment below.  And if you are in a profession that help discipline children or correct a child’s mental capacity due to stupid and unnecessary abuse also comment.  Please try to see each other’s point of view because remember every child and person is different and should be treated as such.