Tag: lifestyle

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“Is He Helping You On Your Way Or In Your Way?”

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Being in a marriage often times leaves a person in self doubt or who am I mode.  And typically it seems to be the woman or if your that rare unicorn the less dominating person in the relationship.  Now I know there are strong women out there who just know off the back that they are the dominating person but there are a lot of instances where women will take a backseat in the relationship.  And before we know it that firecracker of a personality is now allowing the man to be a man in public and behind doors just to hold to that relationship.

The fear of scaring a man a away runs deep psychologically and without failure. I do believe that because we’ve conscientiously have pictured this ideal family and in order to keep that picture we must play the part.  Think about it, how many failed relationships did it take for you to say okay maybe it’s not them it’s me and I doing too much.  Granted some of us do take it too far and have a tendency to blow things out of proportion.  But the older you get the more things that use to set you off now doesn’t even phase you.   Well same is true about marriages/relationships.  Example, say for instance that having a dirty house rather it’s a minor mess or massive, irritates you to the core.  But over the years you have allowed the mess to pile up and clean it without a fuss.  Or a more drastic example, you had dreams and ambitious before you met your husband and literally put it on the back burner or changed your dream so that he can pursue his first.  Some of us have become stay at home moms, housewives, or taken a lesser job because we didn’t finish school or got to start that company idea we were sitting on.  How often have men taken a backseat to allow their partners to shine?

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but in my opinion women do tend to be more passive in relationships just to make them last longer.  Of course, there are those special unicorns out there where the roles are reversed but I’m talking about as whole female population.  Now with that passive survival on, we tend to allow our inner beauty or inner flower to not flourish and deem.  In some cases, wither and die.   That’s why in so many divorce or major breakup cases afterwards women tend to go on a spiritual, an awakening, get my groove back journey to find ourselves again.  You know, the get the old me back, phase.  Men not so much, they tend to just go on as if that was just a phase and take the breakup harder later on.  Why women on the other hand tend to take it hard at the beginning.  I believe that is so because of the foresight we have or the ideology of the relationship we had is now gone.  Yes, it does tend to take men longer to realize the bigger picture of a woman’s worth.  Hence, why those songs were created in the first place.

Now after i said all of that I do believe that now women are becoming more and more in-tune with themselves regardless of their relationship status.  And with that growing flower, are finding out if their spouses are up to the task.  Women can do it all, I mean except the part about raising a man to be a man.  I do believe that a man can do that better.   But we are still doing it and crushing it at the same time.  Times are changing and women are at the forefront of the action.  Not allowing any man spouse, partner, child, father, or friend to slow us down.  We are realizing that our goals and dreams do matter and we want them to become a reality.  Now if that means leaving some people behind and so be it.  The best advice that I received and has stuck with me over the years is, “If they are not helping you be on your way. Then they are in your way.”

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The Rage Within: Violence It Shouldn’t Exist But Would Our World Function Without It?

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Rage, anger, violence, and/or wrath, whatever one would call their snapped moment or moments when they commit such heinous acts against others. Where does it all steam from? Has anyone every stopped and think to themselves why does anger exist? I mean I know everything is supposed to be balance hence the reason for happiness. But do we really have enough happiness to balance out the anger? Even if we are talking collectively versus individually. Is there a balance I mean a truly even balance?

Let’s think about it for a minute. If one compares how easy it is for them to get upset over something small versus how long it takes them to build up their happiness. Can we really say there is enough happiness to balance out or offset the rage that run rampant in the world? Or is that there is enough happiness and positive endorphins going around but social media just won’t let us be great? I personally believe that there are a lot people around who are truly happy but it is just their surroundings and things that we consume on social media. It is a lot easier for individuals to be unhappy when they are in a state of consist struggle.

Rather that struggle is paying bills, dealing with kids, your spouse, or spouse(s) for those of you who are bold, it can be very easy to sway a person into anger. Think about it, if you are doing something that makes you happy once or a couple of times of week. Then those days that you are holding on and looking forward to the next adrenaline rush of pure pleasure, it can be easy to get upset over small things. It’s almost like getting high on Mary Jane. If MJ calms you down and relaxes you then you are probably tense and anxious until you get your next hit. Now factor days and hours into the mix in between your relaxations. One can understand the reasons for anyone for just snapping.

Now I’m not saying everyone should go and get high or that may be the answer to your actions. But there are other fixes that can calm a person down. Such as yoga, working out, running, eating, cooking, painting, writing, the list goes on. Finding a niche and sticking with it can make a big difference in a person being calm all day or being on 1st 48. And believe me no one wants to see someone they now on America’s Most Wanted, First 48 Hours, Snapped, the news, or any of those Investigate Discovery shows. Sometimes I often wonder is it just as contagious as getting a cold. The risks are high with none to little reward in most cases. Not to mention the effects it has on your health and appearance.

I grew up being taught that my face would get stuck in a certain look if I didn’t remove the facial expression. But yet here I am 30+ years later and I still have frowns on my face. Mainly because I didn’t believe them and my face still hasn’t gotten stuck. Sometimes I wonder where a lot of the old wives tales come from before they were told to me. But that’s for another day. The real question is would the world truly be able to function without the emotion of rage? I mean what will that world look like and if it did exist is it safe to say that no one would be annoyed by the fact that everyone would be happy and living their best life.

But there is something major missing in this discussion. Religion, would it even exist since world wouldn’t technically need something to believe in since anger wouldn’t exist? Let’s think about it, religion is here to assist those of us who allow worldly things to get to us and we need our weekly fix in our belief in order to function properly. Some of us need to not flash out of every person and be irritate. Now that would be a very interesting world. Can you imagine no anger, no religion, no checks and balances of the mind, and no police and or people to cause catastrophic results. Actually the world would be shameful, pitiful, and a mute. So I can say that a little chaos is good just not overboard with it like we’re seeing today.

So in conclusion it is safe to say that violence is necessary in order to keep those in jobs, bringing about religion, allowing one to say thank you and learn from their mistakes. In other words wrath is needed to balance out humanity so that we don’t have enough plain janes around us. Beside happiness is born out of the chaos that is provided and vic versa.

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Love Dreams

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Love is beautiful,

Love is kind,

Love is vision,

And love is blind.

Love is life but love is death,

Love can make anyone feel their last breath.

Love is merciful,

Love can give meaning, but what is everyone’s love dreaming?

Love can easily be given,

But love can be taken away.

Love is weird,

We can’t help who it is.

Some would say that love can be evil,

Once opposites attract, oh Lord my dear.

Love is a language we try to understand,

But there are ones who cannot grasp love in their hands.

Love can be frightening, do you catch my drift?

Because without love we all will cease to exist.

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The Truth Behind Dieting and Lifestyle Changes

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So the new trend these days is weight loss, dieting, and/or lifestyle change. Whatever you decide to call the truth of the matter is that you will fall off the bandwagon and have a lot cheat days. What do I mean you say? Well, usually when you start a new plan there is a lot of, “you gotta stick to the plan,” or “there are no cheat days,” and finally my favorite, “you have to put in the work and there can be no slacking, this is a lifestyle.”

Well truth be told, you will fall off the bandwagon and have a lot of cheat days. But you have to also realize that those cheat days have to be made up. You know just like if you miss a day in school and it happens to be a test day. Most teachers and/or professors will allow to make up those test. The same goes for new lifestyle. Rather its for a specific time to reach a goal or a complete forever while your living change. You can make those up. The key is to make sure you have more deliberate and strict days than makeup days. Nobody wants to be missing out on the fun and let’s be honest, hot dogs, ice cream, cake, etc are most of time fun. It’s the after effect that we hate and a lot of people can quit cold turkey once that horrible cheat day hangover feeling has passed over. And they realize they never want that feeling again.

Me myself is not one of those people. I mean come on one expects me to cut out beef ribs, brisket, burgers, hot dogs, hot wings, crawfish (which I personally don’t think is bad anyway since they’re so small and take so much to even add up the calories), and some sweet treats maybe once a week. I mean come I live in the south for crying out loud, in Texas from which I’m a Louisiana born and raised. That in itself should allow me a pass every once in a while. And even though I have been seeing results come out slowly, I have been seeing results.

For instance, to offset my cheat days (which is usually around holidays and PMSing). I workout 6 days a week or strive for it. And I’m not talking about 20-45 minutes in the gym looking cute and flexing in the mirror. I’m in the usually around 1-4 hours. I go to spin classes, core, soul grooves, run 3 miles, C.R.T. (circuit resistance training), gluteus maxout, cardio kickboxing, just to name most. So believe me when I say there are days where I feel like I earned that peach cobbler. I mean I burning on average 2,000 calories a day. So a girl has to repleinse that fuel. I’m not running on flumes here. But you have to remember what you put in is also what you will get out.

For the most part if not all the time instructors and trainers always tell about those results with motivation speeches about sticking to the correct regime but they don’t tell you about the fall off days. But keep the faith it is a process and journey for sure. this change will keep you on your toes literally an just know that you are not alone in your journey. Don’t get discouraged just try to find ways to reassure and redirect those cravings and bad habits. Eventually they will either minimize or disappear altogether. Just keep in mind who or what your doing it for and keep that motivation until it becomes second nature. Just don’t hang yourself and believe that you are a failure, you’re not you just need a reminder.

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Inside Thoughts: My Personal Entry 1

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So I think something is mentally wrong with me. I have the nate desire to protect and be overbearing of my family. For some reason I have these visions or visual dreams of all types of bad things that can happen to my family. Especially, for the men, my son and husband. In this world the thoughts of what can happen can be so scary and horrific to the point that it will scare one to stay in doors at all times. But when the mind plays tricks on you even your home becomes a scary domain.

So to combat this fear I pray. I simply just pray the visions away and the bad drama that can occur. I do believe in the law of attraction, therefore, thinking that something terrible can happen will allow something to happen. And I’m just not up for that, I cannot handle the possibilities. So I pray the thoughts away and replace them with great thoughts of old age and happiness. Thoughts of wealth within and outward no matter the economic status.

So for every dark dream or vision, I replace each with the double vision of happiness and what is to come. Without giving doubt that the happiness will prevail and put the horrible visions far out of my mind. Preparing for when they come back. If even a small hint of darkness creeps up, I just pray and redirect my thoughts.

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Comfort Zone: It’s Your No. 1 Failure

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You’re probably wondering why someone would say that your comfort zone is your failure. And why anyone would think it deserves the number 1 spot. Well, it’s simple, if you take a mirror and look at your life right now, can you say there are things you wish to add but it’s not necessary? Are you ok, with the way things are going and hope nothing major happens to throw you out of whack? Then you’re in a comfort zone no matter how you slice it.

I remember growing up my dad would always tell me that at any point I can come home. And that was enticing and comfortable to know that I always had a crutch to lean on. But he also would state that two women cannot be queens in the same castle. In other words, if I chose to move back home then it was apparent that me and my mother would klash all the time. Because I would have to remember that even though I am grown I am not grown enough to where that living with my parents would suit my personality. And that right there gave me the push to always stay on my toes and grind. Now it didn’t mean that I was always successful because at some point I did have to move back in with parents just not my parents. And a 9 month plan turned into 6 months and out. I was determined to be queen of my own castle. Again, my personality is something else.

But that is that comfort zone being shook until your head hurts and your stomach aches in pain constantly. Even if your life is well accomplished and you don’t have to ask for anything. If you have that constant idea that keeps popping in your head over the years and you think there is no chance. Just continue to wait, the universe will force you out of that comfort zone eventually and then my friend you will have no choice but to take that leap of faith. For example, I recently watched on a talk show that a man had been working for 15 years approximately as a sales rep and all of sudden lost his job. He had stability and a great income with no problems but in the back of his head his passion was for cooking. All of a sudden the company went in a new direction and laid him off. Now that comfort zone he had for 15 years was gone. So guess what, that nagging idea he had has no choice but to take the leap because at this point he has nothing to lose. Now I’m not saying that something as drastic as getting fired has to happen. Maybe you don’t like your job at all and everyday that you are there is enough to push you out of your comfort zone to work on your craft at any spare moment. The sheer thought of handing in your resignation letter is enough motivation to get you moving.

So next time you think everything is cozy and comfortable just make sure you have done absolutely everything your heart has desired. That way the universe won’t have to shake things up for and force you to re-think your life’s choices. As long as you have breathe in your body it is not too late. Heck I even read about a man who was in his 70s or 80s that became a millionaire again after selling his first business and hitting rock bottom. There’s stories about elderly people who go back and get a college degree. There’s another one about an elderly couple having a child after years of failure. So instead of letting the universe shake up your world in a harsh way. Shake it up yourself and strive for the best you. You should always be in beast mode or hustle mode in everything that you do. Taking opportunities to learn from every experience and failure and turning them into stepping stones. That is how leaders and separated from the following pack. You are great… see it… feel it… and become it.

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Struggles of Adulthood

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What I don’t understand is that people have the preconceived notion that once a person turns 18 years of age they are now adults and can make rational adult decisions. I’m sorry to break it to society but a person who has only been in the world for less than 20 years cannot make correct adult decisions.

For example, college financial aid and career choices. Society really expects young adults who have never filled out an financial document before in their lives to then undergo a big financial risk of applying for student loans without the full understanding of the total impact it can have on their future. As well as select a profession that they will endure for the rest of their lives. You do see the downfall to this plan correct? There is no guidance to how to navigate adulthood until one has entered into their 20s and is force to learn hard knocks of life in order to survive until their 30s. So now people are spending their 30s correcting mistakes they did in their 20s, so that they can at least enjoy their 40s and so forth. Now I’m no mathematician but that is almost most of some of our lives creating and correcting debt that was accumulated because there is no concept of raising kids to be adults.

You always hear the notion let kids be kids, but where is the underline of teaching kids to become functioning adults who can make correct decisions. Now I could get into the aesthetics of the billion dollar industry to keep people in debt so that the country can monetize off of it. But this is not a conspiracy chase blog and I’m not a conspiracy theory chaser. So with that being said wouldn’t it be a great idea to throw away half of the bull crap our public and private schools teach. Start with just teaching the basics then allowing a child to hone in on their skills to then conquer that into a profession. I mean how is it that we have so many smart and intelligent children but yet we are behind other countries and our teachings are lagging. Now I’m not blaming our teachers by any means, I know there is a stupid structure that is setup to 1. not paying teachers enough, 2. children are being rushed though, the no child left behind bull, 3. children are not challenged enough and not taken seriously, 4. teachers are stressed to the max because the statistics of children failing and having to deal with parents not understanding why their child is failing, 5. and if children are not performing and fitting into a box they are quickly shuffled off as being ADD/ADHD, which is just lazy.

So let’s just recap the struggles of people going into adulthood. First, kids are not taught or shown how to make adult decisions before they are thrown into the lion’s den. Second, the billion mistakes that are made in our 20s we will then spend the rest of our lives trying to correct. Finally, the system that is here to teach our children is seriously broken between the stressed out teachers, students, and parents. So as a parent I will definitely be picking up the slack that this North American school system has been lacking. Yes, parents should be teaching their kids anyway but we do know that everyone’s circumstances are different. So if your a parent just remember any lessons that can be taught to a child that can prepare them for the real adult life that is up ahead, please entrust them with that knowledge.

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Disappointments and/or Discouraged: Support Systems and Checks and Balances

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I’m going to be honest, a lot of times I get discouraged and/or disappointed with the way things are going in my life.  Now is there something wrong chemically in my head, no.  I just go through some things in life that trigger a pity party in my head just like any other person.  Luckily I don’t stay there for long maybe a couple of days at the most and then I’m back to my old chippery self.  Rather if it’s a argument with my spouse or some harsh reality that has altered my existence, I do still try to either think about the positives and move on.  Or deal with it and then move on.  

Just like anybody else in this world, I get thrown curve balls on a regular.  And when your in a relationship it is either a hindrance or a blessing to have a partner that can alter your discouraging state of mind.  If you are in a relationship, having a compatible partner is crucial especially if you suffer from depression or some suicidal thoughts.  Support systems are essential in everyone’s life no matter how strong your will and spirit is.  Checks and balances can be applied to almost every aspect of your life.  For instance, a person can go through school doing what they think is great but in their parents or teachers eyes their doing the bare minimal.  Now if neither one of those people, your support system, tells you to either try harder or do better, will you know to do it on your own?  Or how about your feeling sad and feel like the walls are closing in on you and you have nowhere to turn and you just want this to end or your life to end so you can’t feel pain, shame, guilt, burden to others, pity, and etc.  But you have that one friend, partner, relative, someone who is paying attention and comes to your rescue time and time again to talk you away from that ledge, knife, gun, rope, bedsheet, etc.  Having that person beside you makes a big difference in this world and makes a weak minded person feel like they can grow and accomplish anything.  

Disappointments will come and you will feel discouraged.  But if you have surrounded yourself with the right support system then you won’t feel discouraged for long. The checks and balances you have in place will make you feel more uplifted and encouraged.  There are times where we are not aware of our support system, it can well enough be a stranger.  Yes, a strange person can feel compel to come to your aid when you least expect it and need it the most.  Weird how life works sometimes, but it  is necessary.  This is not going to be much longer, I just wanted to share my thoughts and personal feelings.  Yes, I do fear the darkness that the world can provide but I overwhelming enjoy the lighter side of the world.  Joy comes in the morning and the darkness doesn’t last always.  If you are ever in a dark place that seems like it’s never ending, please look for the light in any way shape or form.  No matter how small that light may be.  Remember, everyone needs checks and balances from a support system.  

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Lost of Inspiration: My Plans of Making a Better Life

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So as you can see I took my website down for about a month, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to write but because I just didn’t feel like writing.  I just wasn’t inspired to write anything, anything good that is.  I let my life take on a hectic turn of events and being unorganized.  I was so focused on upcoming events that are short-term happiness that I took my focus away from something that could possibly be an awesome hobby for me.

So with that being said I have refocused my attention to my happiness and in the process try to find my true purpose of my life.  I want my life to be wonderful and more blissful than what it already has.  Crazy I know wanting more happiness and enjoyment of time with family, it’s crazy to even think about it and even trying to accomplish it may seem impossible.  But it really isn’t.  Similar to those that I have met that smoke their problems away, don’t seem to care about many troubles of the world nor the small ones that plague so many lives and cause so much destruction and stress.  No I’m not saying that I will smoke or start smoking for that matter or even turn to other drugs but I can take the same approach to accomplishing a more lax lifestyle.  As the great song by Lil Duval says, “I’m living my best life.”  I am truly happy at the way things have turned out for me so far.  And I definitely can’t wait to see what comes up ahead.

But my steps at getting towards that happiness is simple so far and I’m still working out some kinks of course.  But it all starts with my health.  The things that I put into my body have to be of benefit to me in the essence of my survival and longevity.  I’m not saying that I am vegan or a vegetarian, but the concepts of eating healthy and more natural foods is definitely a journey on its own.  Also, if I am eating correctly as well as my family then working out is also essential to make sure my body and mind is in tune with the universe.  I am still working on syncing everything together but I love the experience so far.

Next, it’s getting my plans together for the remainder of my life.  Things that I want to do, places that I want to see, and people I want to meet.  And not to mention the life experiences I will get to experience.  Once you start meditating and getting your mind-body and soul together the outside world is not so scary nor is it a bother on nonsense and frivolous things.  Such as, bills, money worries, worldly desires, and amongst other things.

Finally, getting my spiritual body is a journey that I have been struggling with for years now.  Making sure that I am on the right path is crucial to myself, family, and those that I positively affect around me.  Even the negative energy that I may give off unknowingly has to be kept in check at all times.  Knowing when you are in a bad mood can allow evil spirits to enter and be released to those around you and have a negative effect.

So making sure my body inside and out it taken care of, making sure that my life is less stressful and beneficial, and lastly making sure my spiritual mind-body and soul in check.  It’s all apart of my plan to make sure my life is non regretful and fulfilled with happiness.

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Black Parent’s Fear: Raising a Child in America Part 2

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It’s a beautiful day today, maybe we should have a cookout in the park.  My 6’3″ husband with his sexy dark chocolate skin and shoulder length dreads put our more handsome dark almond son in his seat.  I pack the food and everything we would need into our car nevermind the make and model, it shouldn’t be important.  Or should it?  Because I’m also slightly tall standing at 5’7″ with almond long legs.  I know that beautiful bundle of joy that I carried for 40 weeks is a target.  I can’t help but fear for him every time he is out of my sight.  Just like I know my husband’s mother probably shouldn’t worry about both of her tall sons but in the back of her mind she does.  It’s strange to me know knowing the biggest fear I had in life was having a son.  And even though I can’t live without him the fears and anxiety I have about his future is very real.

Everyday I turn on my phone and there it is on my social media timelines about someone being attacked or killed for the color of their skin.  All because of the assumption that the opposite race had of them.  What has become of America?  Has it always been this violent and we as people didn’t have much light shed on it because of social media?  Is it a curse and a blessing to have so much information at our fingertips?  But what if we didn’t have the resources?  Would the danger still be this real or we just more oblivious to it?  I can’t help but wonder is there a better place in the world to raise a brown skin family?

No I don’t want my son living in a world where so much hatred exist for other human beings as if no one’s life matters but our own.  He’s a toddler now and everyday I question my thoughts on how to explain race issues and when.  When would it be a good time to sit my handsome son down and explain to him what is going on in this world and to be mindful of his surroundings at all times?  Questions such as, should I wait till he experiences this issue or will that be too late for his precious life.  The mere thought of living life without my child or worst having to bury him before my time is up is horrifying.  No parent should have to worry about these things at any point in their lives.  Only the thoughts of proms, graduations, weddings, and every other exciting milestone should be in a parents thought.  The fact that I have anxiety attacks that send me to my knees in pray whenever my husband leaves the house is no good for my health nor thoughts.  But this is America.

I know if I constantly think in this way then I have allowed those who try to insert fear and supremacy into people’s lives win.  But if I don’t think about the possibilities then I am just as a fool who thinks that nothing bad could happen to them.  I do believe in law of attraction, therefore, I do think about old age and prosperity anytime those evil thoughts creep into my mind.  I also think about alternatives to those horrible events to the point that I pray instantly and think of a better outcome.   So all hope is not lost and I know that my son will have a better future in America but for those that have and will go through tragedy.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to keep moving.

 

Thanks…SimplyBetty101