Tag: love

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“Is He Helping You On Your Way Or In Your Way?”

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Being in a marriage often times leaves a person in self doubt or who am I mode.  And typically it seems to be the woman or if your that rare unicorn the less dominating person in the relationship.  Now I know there are strong women out there who just know off the back that they are the dominating person but there are a lot of instances where women will take a backseat in the relationship.  And before we know it that firecracker of a personality is now allowing the man to be a man in public and behind doors just to hold to that relationship.

The fear of scaring a man a away runs deep psychologically and without failure. I do believe that because we’ve conscientiously have pictured this ideal family and in order to keep that picture we must play the part.  Think about it, how many failed relationships did it take for you to say okay maybe it’s not them it’s me and I doing too much.  Granted some of us do take it too far and have a tendency to blow things out of proportion.  But the older you get the more things that use to set you off now doesn’t even phase you.   Well same is true about marriages/relationships.  Example, say for instance that having a dirty house rather it’s a minor mess or massive, irritates you to the core.  But over the years you have allowed the mess to pile up and clean it without a fuss.  Or a more drastic example, you had dreams and ambitious before you met your husband and literally put it on the back burner or changed your dream so that he can pursue his first.  Some of us have become stay at home moms, housewives, or taken a lesser job because we didn’t finish school or got to start that company idea we were sitting on.  How often have men taken a backseat to allow their partners to shine?

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but in my opinion women do tend to be more passive in relationships just to make them last longer.  Of course, there are those special unicorns out there where the roles are reversed but I’m talking about as whole female population.  Now with that passive survival on, we tend to allow our inner beauty or inner flower to not flourish and deem.  In some cases, wither and die.   That’s why in so many divorce or major breakup cases afterwards women tend to go on a spiritual, an awakening, get my groove back journey to find ourselves again.  You know, the get the old me back, phase.  Men not so much, they tend to just go on as if that was just a phase and take the breakup harder later on.  Why women on the other hand tend to take it hard at the beginning.  I believe that is so because of the foresight we have or the ideology of the relationship we had is now gone.  Yes, it does tend to take men longer to realize the bigger picture of a woman’s worth.  Hence, why those songs were created in the first place.

Now after i said all of that I do believe that now women are becoming more and more in-tune with themselves regardless of their relationship status.  And with that growing flower, are finding out if their spouses are up to the task.  Women can do it all, I mean except the part about raising a man to be a man.  I do believe that a man can do that better.   But we are still doing it and crushing it at the same time.  Times are changing and women are at the forefront of the action.  Not allowing any man spouse, partner, child, father, or friend to slow us down.  We are realizing that our goals and dreams do matter and we want them to become a reality.  Now if that means leaving some people behind and so be it.  The best advice that I received and has stuck with me over the years is, “If they are not helping you be on your way. Then they are in your way.”

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90/10 Rule of Children

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Now by no means am I a psychologist nor a child guru but I do have a lot of experience with children. And I believe that children have a sense of how to drive their parents crazy by the time they form a brain in the womb. My baby knew every time I laid down to go to sleep and would start kicking and tossing just to drive me crazy. And it doesn’t stop there, the older they get the more nerves they hit. I have a toddler and at times I feel I have mission prone child that’s out to get me.

I don’t know what it is about my child and how I think but that dude has a vendetta out on things going smoothly in our lives. It’s like he can read my mind and be like okay I got you mom, I’m going to do the opposite. Think about it, every time you plan your evening out hoping to have a quiet relaxing evening when they lay down for a nap. BAAM, sugar rush and your child has never heard of such non-sense. A nap when did they invent that. Not today mommy not today. Or when you become overly prepare for the last 10 trips because you just know something is going to go wrong and you have to lug around all this extra baggage then nothing happens. But the second you say oh they have been doing so well and I’m only going to be gone for less than a hour. Then what do you know all hell breaks loose. And it’s usually within 10 minutes of leaving the house.

Let’s not get started about the potty training. Let me say just for the record, you mothers out there stating that it is so easy to potty train your little one must have missed all of the blowouts, wet floors, wardrobe malfunctions, and other unspoken chaos. Yes, it is funny now that it is over but when dealing with it in the moment it is literally the scariest confusing thing. Oh my the of a blow out at any given moment. Literally have you questioning what in the world did they eat and how much of it. Don’t let a lot of these YouTube videos fool you. Every child is different. But there is a glimmer of hope.

That wonderful 10% when they are angels and perfect in every way. From their cute little giggles, to the way the pronounce new words, to their best behaving selves (when their asleep). It’s nothing like looking into those big beautiful eyes knowing that you created a miracle and precious child. And the thought of going gansta behind someone if they try your child. The mere thought of any harm coming to them sends chills down your spine and you have to shake back into the moment. And to tell you the truth that 10% literally outweighs that 90% of pure torture all day everyday. And I love it just like every other parent who looks at their child with promise and encouraging eyes.

Yes, having children is trying and 90% of the time you are going to want to pull your hair out and scream. But that 10% is a magical thing to experience. Not only are you seeing it with your eyes but you are also feeling it in your soul. Connections with people are beautiful and the connection of parents to children is even more exciting. If you every wonder when something is happening and you just know it’s going on in that moment or that it has crossed your child’s mind and you stop it . That is pure connection people and it is a powerful thing.

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Empowerment of Women and Ourselves: You Deserve It Boo!!!!

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So I’m in a book club and the conversation about how women treat each other came up.  Basically, asking are you a bully or a protector? And most of us realized that we were taught to be tough either by strong female presence growing up or we fell victim to a strong female. We are all products of our environments and most of the time our environments are unintentionally teaching us to be mean girls.

For instance, for me growing up all I saw females being vindictive towards each other and seeing what pain we could inflict on each other. It wasn’t until my mom remarried and I actually got to see togetherness and empowerment from other women towards me.  Not to mention the unconditional love. As I went off to college I had to learn how to redefine what empowerment was not just for myself but to others around me.

It’s not easy to undo impressionable years of hate but with good intentions and better surroundings we can do anything we set our minds to.  Especially women, at times and throughout history we are the most mistreated beings on earth.  But also the most forgiving.  Remembering the pain and inflection that we went through.  It’s sad to see all the brokenness and struggle that we as women go through internally but it’s even more amazing to see the transformation.  The concept of being a better person or better woman in that matter it can be difficult.

I mean is it just me or does the universe intentionally try you when you’re trying to be a better woman.  It never fails every time I have a good talk or great women empowerment get togethers it’s like the universe says hold on ba boo-ski let me try your ratchet side.  And I have to do a countdown in my head to try and not snatch the woman who is trying me that day.  But hey we are all human and mistakes happen and we have to decide in that moment that we are better than that person trying to bring out the ratchetness in you.  But I’m trying and so should you.  Don’t let these crazies knock you off your horse and knock off your crown.  Be better, look better, act better, and know better because you are better and they are just jealous.  And we all know misery loves company.

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Love Dreams

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Love is beautiful,

Love is kind,

Love is vision,

And love is blind.

Love is life but love is death,

Love can make anyone feel their last breath.

Love is merciful,

Love can give meaning, but what is everyone’s love dreaming?

Love can easily be given,

But love can be taken away.

Love is weird,

We can’t help who it is.

Some would say that love can be evil,

Once opposites attract, oh Lord my dear.

Love is a language we try to understand,

But there are ones who cannot grasp love in their hands.

Love can be frightening, do you catch my drift?

Because without love we all will cease to exist.

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Mr. Right and the Universe

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Hey you reading this blog hoping that some type of advice will just appear to help you find a husband (Mr. Right), please stop looking. And here’s why

  1. Looking for Mr. Right or husband is only going to attract Mr. Wrong or as I like to call him Mr. Right for right now. Yes, he will seem like he’s God sent but keep him around long enough and you will realize that he is the devil in disguise.
  2. Beware everything that looks good is not always good for you. Some men will prey on women’s vulnerability of being wanted just so they can cash in. I know you have heard of the term gold digger that men use when they’re being cautious of women, well the same applies to women as well. There are men out there wanting to be taken care of like their children.
  3. Watch out for the empty promises. Anytime a man always tells you what he’s going to do but never or rarely follows up with a plan or actually doing what he promised. Run sis because you’ll be left out holding the bill. Even if he acts like he attempted. If he is only coming through on the small promises that’s just to keep you around long enough.
  4. 90% right 10% wrong. If you have a man that you think is your dream man but there is still something about him that makes you second guess. You better listen to that 10% because it is just for show.
  5. Make sure your gut, mind, and spirit are in align when going forward. There are always tell tell signs that something or he is wrong make sure you are paying attention and heeding the warnings.
  6. Also keep in mind he may just be Mr. Right just not right now. People have to grow into the person that they are meant to be. And they may be the person that is meant to be with you but they still have some growing to do. And that goes for you as well. It also doesn’t mean that you have to hold on to one another until that transformation takes place either. If it is meant to be it will happen just give it the proper time and trials and tribulations that one must go through to get there.

Hopefully, this helps you realize your mistakes and maturity level and understand that everybody is not for you or against you. We all have to seek clarity in ourselves in order to receive what is meant for us. When the time is right the universe will align in our favor but not before that.

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Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder, Misery Loves Company

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They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder…but what if the beholder is you? Can you honestly say to yourself everyday that you love what you see…unconditionally? If you answered no to either of those questions than you need to re-evaluate your way of thinking. And realize you’re not the only one but there is hope, all is not lost my friend.

Now just because you’re not alone in this self love imagery, doesn’t mean that it is okay to seek love from others around you or go looking for it. See that’s not how love works. One has to really be okay and utilize all those features that either you don’t like or that everyone makes fun, and make it an advantage rather than a hindrance. That saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, needs to also say that you are the beholder. In this day and age being picked on and bullied doesn’t end at school it can also transpire over social media and the web. It is so easy for children and young adults to feel down and depressed because there is no off switch to the chaos. One can feel like their world is crumbling and life is better without them. And that is just sad and miserable.

But there is also another saying that people seem to forget…misery loves company. And since everyone is pumping out more misery it is easy for them to select those who just can’t catch a break and add to their suffering. Wow how self centered and pathetic we have gotten as a society to think that pain and suffering is enjoyable and will erase that whole in your heart. Confidence, compassion, love, self worth, and others are at an alarming low every time I look at my phone. I can only imagine how those who are still in grade school must feel. I mean the mass shootings and young adult/children suicide numbers should tell us something. But for people who are so consumed by our own world that we don’t even realize that the world doesn’t evolve around us, we evolve around it.

But there is a bright side…like all things that are bad there are opposites or ying and yang. Just like you wake up and feel depressed, lonely, heartless, worthless, etc you can also feel joy, love, compassion, self love, etc. and have everything that is sugar, spice, and nice (you see my rhymes…mad skills yo…lol). You know how you can get that awesome feeling? Just guess…come on think. Practice…what practice, practice what you say. Self love. Yes, start by practicing self love first and everything else will fall into place. See right now those who are preying on you are doing it because you don’t love yourself enough to not allow small or petty things like bullying bother you. You have to set your eyes on the prize… your future and what you’re going to be doing with it. Someone who is focused and driven about what they want in life doesn’t have time to worry about someone who is miserable and trying to add to that misery by including you. Yes, I know there are other forms of bullying like the physical portion but I’m referring to the mental part.

If your mind, spirit, and love for yourself is strong then instead of feeling hurt by others you will realize that you feel sorry for them and keep it moving. Now in order to practice self love you first have to remove yourself from the negative environment so that you can meditate and think for yourself. Not the dark thoughts but the happy thoughts of what could and will be of your dreams. You cannot allow others to control your emotions. Unplug and detox social media and socializing if you have to, so that you can have those moments to yourself. Once you start rationalizing and looking at things and situations in a different light you will soon see that there are other alternatives besides shooting, killing, harming yourself and others. Seek out knowledge and read books to engulf your thoughts and imagination to a place of happiness and then try to apply some of those feelings of self love outward. So yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that beholder is you. Don’t let anyone try to stump on happiness and depress your soul. Lead by example and be extraordinary.

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Healthy Lifestyle Goals

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So since 2015, before I was pregnant, I was on this new health kick where if I workout hard then I could eat whatever I wanted.  And for a while that worked until I got pregnant.  Now before I was pregnant I weighed a solid 150 lbs. and dropped down to 140 lbs.  But oh when I went in to delivery I was an even 200 lbs.  Now that is a lot for myself since my biggest size was a 10 in juniors.  Now some of you may be thinking that 200 lbs is not so bad but if you have seen any pictures of me then you know that 200 lbs was a far cry from the 110 lbs my freshman year of college.

Since I was active and working out before I was pregnant and a little while pregnant, I thought, first baby my body would just snap back into place like I had seen some of my friends.  WRONG!!!!!! My body and genetics is completely different from my friends.  See once I had my baby I only dropped 20 lbs.  Yeap, just a measly 20 lbs.  So I thought well maybe I just have to give it some time.  Nope that didn’t work either over 6 months had past and not a single pound was dropped.  So I came up with a weekly goal and a plan.  Though I have been working on this lifestyle and tweaking things here and there I am determined to get down to 150 lbs before my birthday in November.  So wish me luck….

  1. Workout at least 5 times a week
  2. Healthier meals (no wings) (ok at least not every week)
  3. Motivation and consistency is key
  4. Don’t lose faith, progress is slow and the reward is awesome
  5. Make it a friends and family thing (this will push you even more and make you competitive)
  6. Keep progress reports and change things if results are not showing in 2 weeks time
  7. And you are not alone…..
  8. Love yourself in whatever stage
  9. No shortcuts (plastic surgery) – maybe a breast lift
  10. And I ran out of things to say LOL….enjoy

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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To My Son: The Promises I Make to You

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As father’s day draws near and the day that you will once again be in my arms; I just wanted to take the time to write this. If over the years you feel discourage in my capabilities as a mother to you. Or you feel at any point I have failed you. Know that I did my best and most importantly I LOVE You more than anything the universe could ever offer me. Everything that I accomplished in life is nothing compared to bringing you into this world. Even though this world will do a lot of damage, please never give up and remember all the good things in life. Especially, those who truly love you… God and your parents. Yes, there will be times where you question everything in life. But I promise there is always light after the darkness. With that being said…

I will promise to do my best at all times to being a great parent to you.
I promise to provide you with what you need and strive for what you want.
I promise to be your backup when you are in the right and just.
I promise to guide you when you are lost.
I promise to protect your heart and soul from the evils of the world until you are strong enough to guard them yourself.
I promise to love you until the end of time.
I promise to give you the tools you need to survive and strive and conquer the world.

To my baby boy, my third pregnancy, my first born, to my blessing, I most importantly promise to be your mom.

Love Always,
Mom

Thanks for reading…. SimplyBetty101

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Pregnancy: The Mind Experience

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Being a mother is a wonderful experience and you can find plenty of blogs and post about the different challenges that comes with it. You can even spark an entire conversation with someone random about it. But what about pregnancy? Sure there are plenty of blogs and posts and books about the physical changes and what to expect, but what about the mental? For women and men both it can be a challenging concept to wrap your mind around. So I thought I would share some insights.

Now if you are one of those women who have always dreamed about kids and are planning everything down to when to get pregnant and with whom then this too can be of some use. Society just assumes that once a woman becomes pregnant that we can deal with it and keep going. But in reality for a lot of woman there is a tug of war going on in our minds that is pulling in more than one direction. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I was in shock. Not just because I was pregnant but because this was the 3rd one and I only have one child. See I had two failed pregnancies before and I didn’t want to be too excited and I was completely and utterly sacred. All those what if questions started popping up in my head and I freaked out, mentally. Not to mention that after the second pregnancy I went into depression or postpartum depression and I didn’t seek help I just processed pain the best way I knew how, working and being alone.

See the first pregnancy took a lot out of me, though it is kind of funny story now. See when I found out I took 3 Clear Blue pregnancy test, all which literally said pregnant, called the my doctor’s office for her to tell me that this is one of the most accurate test on the market, and that I’m actually pregnant. To me telling my future (now) husband and seeing his face of shock just like mine. To me jumping into my truck, driving 4 hours back home to my parents for the next 3 days. To me getting there telling my mother first who was ecstatic, until she saw my face. Then going to an abortion clinic to get tested, only to have the lady hand me a piece of paper that said, “EDD 4/14/2014.” At which point I asked her what did “EDD” mean, she said the most dreaded words I would’ve ever heard, EXPECTED DUE DATE. And finally me going into shock. I didn’t hear anything after that. I was terrified, no mortified that my life was about to change drastically and I wasn’t ready.

See I was the girl growing up who helped my parents out with my younger siblings, all which are boys and so damn bad, at that time. So I said to myself and God, that I didn’t want kids. And when I met my now husband he also had the same goals. I wanted to travel and go out and do whatever I wanted. I was getting my masters, working, and was living very comfortably. Both of us were. Not only was I not mentally ready, neither was my body. Soon after that I was sick as a dog. I mean throwing up, always nauseous even before I would get out of bed. I just felt awful, not to mention the questions running in my head….

How on earth did this happen?
Am I really about to be a parent?
Would I suck at it?
Is the next 18 years of my life really going to suck?
Can my spouse handle it?
Will I be a single parent?
Can I afford to be a parent?

All kinds of questions were going through my head and then the moment I started to feel just a smeggit of excitement and announce it on social media to family and friends, the unthinkable happened. Right at 12 weeks my body rejected the pregnancy, my little girl. I was heart-broken. Yes, it was tough to wrap my head around being pregnant and giving birth and of course my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be but I was going to do it and commit not matter the outcome. And to have it taken away was devastating. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even give my body time to heal. Literally, 3 days after getting a D and C I was back at work and school. Throwing myself into whatever it was I was doing before I got pregnant. My thought was, that God was telling me I wasn’t ready and to get myself together, no biggy. And then 2 months later I miscarried again.

The difference this time, the week I found out I was pregnant is also the same week I miscarried and I was only about 4 weeks. Now what made this so traumatizing is the fact that I didn’t get another D and C done because I didn’t have the PTO and time to do it and we (my doctor and I) thought I would just passed the fetus through my cycle. Boy were we wrong, see I miscarried either late December or first few days January. I took the Pitocin pills to induce labor around my cycle to passed at home. But I went into labor in April. Yes, months after it was all over and done, so we thought, I went into labor at home in the middle of the night. The contractions were unreal. Now I know some of you are going to say maybe you got pregnant again and didn’t know it. Well according to tests, ultrasounds, etc they all showed otherwise. It was later found that it was the fetus of my second pregnancy. See my fetus never came out during my cycle in January and after that night my cycles were off the chain. I mean going into mini labors and pushing tissue out on the last couple of days, off the chain. I had to eventually get another D and C done, and this is what broke me mentally.

I said all this to explain that I was mentally spaced/checked out. I literally went into depression. It was not a safe place. I questioned everything…

How can I, a woman, given that the sole purpose of a woman’s body on God’s green Earth, not carry a child?
Is this punishment for stating that I didn’t want any?
How can I be with a man if eventually he may want kids? And I can’t provide that?
Is this a sign showing that I am an unfit mother?
Would I even consider being married?
Am I wasting my life away?
Am I wasting his life and time being with him?
Will another woman come along and show me up/out?
Are we suppose to be together?
Did I miss some opportunity?
Is it because of this cervical cancer overhead?
Is it because I had cervical surgery prior to the first pregnancy?
Should I even exist if I can’t bear children/child?
What is it? I’m so lost and alone.

People don’t realize that some of simplest things to them are terrifying to others. And I’m pretty sure each woman who has ever been pregnant has had some type of anxiety attack in their heads about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, postpartum, the list goes on. I know some reading this may say, “well how is it that women can talk about everything else but not topics like this?” Well simple, no one wants to be the first at being a Debbie-downer or party pooper, why would I ruin someone else’s day with my problems that I can fix on my own. And the truth is we can’t always be that strong person all the time. Where would that help come from? Me personally I didn’t want to go to some group therapy and talk about my experience with other women who also were having problems the same as mine. I don’t like letting people see me that vulnerable. I don’t like letting the outside world looking into my thoughts and personal feelings. I am not just a book or someone’s note session, but I will admit that can be a downfall. No, I didn’t talk to a therapist but I did talk to my spouse and close friends who also had the same experiences. I found out that I wasn’t alone if I would’ve at least tried talking to them first before shutting everyone out. But I do understand that everyone isn’t as supportive as you would like and it is a delicate situation. But it can have a devastating effect on yourself and those around you. So seek help before you seek the end.

Thanks SimplyBetty101

Postpartum depression
Also called: PPD

Requires a medical diagnosis
Symptoms might include insomnia, loss of appetite, intense irritability, and difficulty bonding with the baby.
People may experience:
Mood: anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or panic attack
Behavioral: crying, irritability, or restlessness
Psychological: depression, fear, or repeatedly going over thoughts
Whole body: fatigue or loss of appetite
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: insomnia

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Transitioning….?

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What if your transitioning into a new you whether it’s for work, new home, parenthood, or just phasing out if the party life. What is now the new norm for you? What else fun is there to do that is more your speed?

I’m currently going through that transitioning as I type this up. Now that I am married, a parent, and focused more on my career of being my own boss. Things that use to interest me just don’t do it for me anymore. The fact that I am more excited to buy decor and furniture for our new place than for me to go out and party, is way more exciting. Like a kid in a candy store excited. Going to family events and being in a calm environment that’s more controlled and stable is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I love a good turnup just like the next person but only on my own terms with like minded people as well. When you surround yourself with people that are also transitioning, you find that very similar bond and growth that you may just need. A support group. This also means new friends.

But if you can transition with those you have been friends with it can be an awesome feeling and experience. But if you can’t, don’t give up so easily. So just because you are now in a different space than those you cherish doesn’t mean you have to abandon them. Try coaching or encouraging them to get on your level or higher. You may be surprised at what you find. Sometimes people just need others to lead so that they can fall suit. Not all leaders start off as leaders and not all followers will stay followers.

Thanks SimplyBetty101