Tag: relationships

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Surviving Your 1st Year a Marriage: It’s a Tough One But If You Make It Your Good

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So you’re married and your anniversary is coming up…your 1st year of marriage is coming to a end. Surviving your 1st year is going to be crucial in how the remainder of your lives is going to play out. Granted if you and your spouse have been together for some years before you said your “I dos,” it may be slightly easier. Even if you have been together for a good minute the moment you say those vows you now have to re-introduce yourself as Mr. and Mrs. The title of marriage is another threshold that the world for some reason respects more than your single non changed name. But the only thing you need to remember about surviving that first year is the fundamentals of making it as a couple.

  1. Everything you do represents you as a couple. In other words you can no longer go out in public and act in any kind of way. Everything you do in public will also reflect your spouse. Now if you and your spouse act the same then as long as it makes both of you happy then keep on my friend and enjoy.
  2. You both have to exist in the same space. Normally, singles can just pick and go or leave at any point in the relationship. But once married you now have to strategically look at all outcomes of your decisions. Because those decisions can affect your partner and those in your household.
  3. Adjusting to marry life takes some getting use to. Now granted if you have been living together or cohabiting as some may call it. This may seem like an easy transition. But just like everything around you that evolves so does your relationship. You now have to think about bank accounts, name changes, being called Mr. or Mrs. on a regular, being able to make decisions legally on your spouse’s behalf. When you evolve as a person you also have to keep in mind that your partner is as well. Therefore, keeping a great line of communication open is helpful.
  4. Be prepared for more doors opening for the both of you. Remember when I said that society views marriage in a positive light. Well, once the I becomes a we, you will notice that a lot of more doors will open up as far as credit and companies taking you more serious. This is because society views marriage as a commitment awesomeness. So when a company sees that you are married you therefore, means that you are not afraid of commitment. In turn more doors may just open up for you.
  5. Your finances will be tested. Now this a more serious hurdle. Since most marriages fail to either infidelity and/or finances. It is especially important for you to communicate with your partner about your intentions and goals for your future. You have to make sure that both goals line up for your future in order to survive marry life.

So representation, existing as one, adjusting together, seizing opportunities, and financial goals are all important aspects of surviving that 1st year of marriage. Once you have those figured out the remaining years together are a little bit easier. Everyone does not have a fairy tale ending unless you work for it. Marriage and relationships are full time careers. If it is something you love then putting in the work won’t feel like a chore. And you will definitely love doing most things for your spouse and your well being. So if you want the amazing love story make sure you’re writing the best love story for to be told.

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Mr. Right and the Universe

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Hey you reading this blog hoping that some type of advice will just appear to help you find a husband (Mr. Right), please stop looking. And here’s why

  1. Looking for Mr. Right or husband is only going to attract Mr. Wrong or as I like to call him Mr. Right for right now. Yes, he will seem like he’s God sent but keep him around long enough and you will realize that he is the devil in disguise.
  2. Beware everything that looks good is not always good for you. Some men will prey on women’s vulnerability of being wanted just so they can cash in. I know you have heard of the term gold digger that men use when they’re being cautious of women, well the same applies to women as well. There are men out there wanting to be taken care of like their children.
  3. Watch out for the empty promises. Anytime a man always tells you what he’s going to do but never or rarely follows up with a plan or actually doing what he promised. Run sis because you’ll be left out holding the bill. Even if he acts like he attempted. If he is only coming through on the small promises that’s just to keep you around long enough.
  4. 90% right 10% wrong. If you have a man that you think is your dream man but there is still something about him that makes you second guess. You better listen to that 10% because it is just for show.
  5. Make sure your gut, mind, and spirit are in align when going forward. There are always tell tell signs that something or he is wrong make sure you are paying attention and heeding the warnings.
  6. Also keep in mind he may just be Mr. Right just not right now. People have to grow into the person that they are meant to be. And they may be the person that is meant to be with you but they still have some growing to do. And that goes for you as well. It also doesn’t mean that you have to hold on to one another until that transformation takes place either. If it is meant to be it will happen just give it the proper time and trials and tribulations that one must go through to get there.

Hopefully, this helps you realize your mistakes and maturity level and understand that everybody is not for you or against you. We all have to seek clarity in ourselves in order to receive what is meant for us. When the time is right the universe will align in our favor but not before that.

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Mars vs Venus : WHY DO YOU…?

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A mother wakes up, gets the kids ready for school, and gets herself ready for the day. Your spouse on the other hand wakes up and just thinks about themselves, no hand in getting ready. This is just an example that I have seen, I know not all men are like this. But I do question, why is it such an amazement that men who actually help with their kids get a trophy?

Wake up, men helped create the child even though the women are the easy bake ovens that carried them. And no I do not want to hear about how women are more nurturing than men and it’s in our DNA. I am a living breathing person just like a man and no I didn’t take a class on being a nurturing. It was taught to me either by example or what I wanted as a child growing up. Therefore, men should have that same concept of what it takes to be a parent. Now I do know that there are a lot of dad’s out there that are putting in unbelievable hours at being a parent and example. This is not bashing men but simply just an inquiry.

Please inform me at what point in life was it mandatory for women to just be the only nurturer? Was in biblical days, turn of the century, or was it just something that was molded over time? I would really love to know which is probably why I will be spending some time researching that aspect. But regardless, men are capable of being nurturing and compassionate. How do I know this, how did your spouse get you in the first place? Were they romantic in any kind of way? Did they do little things to show that they cared? Or did he just come in and sweep you off your feet?

If you answered yes to any of those or thought about any memory that put a smile on your face, then my dear that is proof that men are very capable. But because this notion has never been brought up in a argument or disagreement it has never been pointed out before. Men pay attention and take the time to invest in things that are their own interest. And a lot of times, women are their interest. So a man will say or do what he needs to get to the goal line or end zone. So with that being said they too can also put in the time and effort to assist more with the creations they helped to produce. Besides, it’s their sperm that starts this whole process anyway. I can have embryos in full cycle all I want but without that juice it’s going to do absolutely nothing.

Now to my ladies out there, stop accepting the least or society’s’ norm of a man’s role when it comes to the children. And while I am at it, housework as well. Please remember that it only applies to men who think that those roles are solely for the women. These are new times and people love being involved and making trends. So there are plenty of role models such as celebrities who are completely involved in their kids lives. I would advise to women, give ultimatum, drop hints, and/or act like you admire celebrities that your man respect who are actively in just about everything with their kids. Basically trick them, like you do to get other things out of him. It’s that simple and I guarantee the only people who will benefit more than anyone else, guess, no not the mother but the children.

SimplyBetty101

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In Home Dinner Date….

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12 oz. Ribeye Steak seasoned with Kosher salt, black pepper, and garlic

Spring salad with bleu cheese salad mix with creamy ceasar dressing

Brown rice made with velveeta cheese, spinach, mushrooms, and sharp cheddar cheese

Hawaiian roll

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Transitioning….?

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What if your transitioning into a new you whether it’s for work, new home, parenthood, or just phasing out if the party life. What is now the new norm for you? What else fun is there to do that is more your speed?

I’m currently going through that transitioning as I type this up. Now that I am married, a parent, and focused more on my career of being my own boss. Things that use to interest me just don’t do it for me anymore. The fact that I am more excited to buy decor and furniture for our new place than for me to go out and party, is way more exciting. Like a kid in a candy store excited. Going to family events and being in a calm environment that’s more controlled and stable is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I love a good turnup just like the next person but only on my own terms with like minded people as well. When you surround yourself with people that are also transitioning, you find that very similar bond and growth that you may just need. A support group. This also means new friends.

But if you can transition with those you have been friends with it can be an awesome feeling and experience. But if you can’t, don’t give up so easily. So just because you are now in a different space than those you cherish doesn’t mean you have to abandon them. Try coaching or encouraging them to get on your level or higher. You may be surprised at what you find. Sometimes people just need others to lead so that they can fall suit. Not all leaders start off as leaders and not all followers will stay followers.

Thanks SimplyBetty101